Hilda\' s two Masters

Hilda’s two Masters part 10 of 20

 

Hilda:

During the silent in the room my brain started to think about the deed-of-gift. I felt a funny mixture of panic and happiness.

In fractions of a second I wanted to raise and run out from his apartment, just fly.

But it vanished quickly and was replaced by a complete sense of happiness over the knowledge of being this man’s complete slave-girl. I was now his property to do with what he liked, wow!

 

And I’ve done it by my own will, well, that will I had left since I had handed over my will to him. If I wouldn’t fulfill the contract he had the full right to blame me.

 

For him and me the deed-of-gift was valid, even if the society around us didn’t accept it.

 

My heart applauds my signing the deed-of-gift, but my common sense was not that convinced.

 

I wanted to have him as my Master and I wanted to be his slave-girl. Now I had to accept it all the way.

 

I had for many years known that I wanted to write a slave-girl-contract and it confused me. Why is a person signing those, instead of being a slave-girl when the mood came over her and that’s it?

 

For me, I think, it is a rest from my childhood blackmail, when I was blackmailed to suck a boy off.

On my knees in his garage I felt mentally bound, force to submit to his will, even when the task he “ordered” me made me revolt into absolute panic and I had to take hold of myself and obey him.

 

When you are physically bound by rope or chains you are restrained in a certain way, but when you are mentally bound, with your arms and legs free, but forced by an event that you must avoid to any price.

(In my childish case it was that my mother would know that I had stolen apples.)

Then you find that that price is you submission and you feel almost as a slave-girl who has nowhere to turn and from nowhere to get help, she has only one way forward and that is to obey.

 

Parts deep in my mind experience that blackmailing force overwhelming and it created so wonderful feelings inside of me that it must be repeated to any cost for me.

I soon found, in my sexual fantasies, that I could catch that feeling best when I felt that my Master in the room was almighty, his orders could not be refused, called in question, valued, delayed or appeal against. He was manly strong and I could not even use my female art of seduction to make him change is mind. I had just to obey him.

 

He was to be sign the right to do with me what ever comes into his head, but before that I must be very careful in my selection of Master, and not as now just let my heart decide for me.

 

So my sexual fantasies challenge my mind to sign a slave-girl contract, that mentally bound me and from which I couldn’t be free, even when my mood changed, I was trapped.

 

I was trapped to obey a man in all his moods and whims, just blindly obey him and with no hesitation, but with eager and willingness. He must own, not only my body, but also my will, eagerness, willingness and lust. He also must own my orgasm and that felt very exciting, to not be allowed to decide over that private bodily reward.

 

 

My wondering was abrupt by his voice:

 

- Do you want a 24/7 relation?

 

- Yes Master. Yes please Master.

 

- Do you want to work at your workplace?

 

- Yes, please Master, if it is okay with you.

 

- You may continue, but as short time as possible. Do you have one month’s notice?

 

- Yes Master, I think so.

 

- Okay. You give your notice and stay there as long as you must. Then you will stay home and manages the house and be my slave-girl in 24/7.

 

- Yes Master!

 

I had hope for to not go to work in the morning and to run his house instead and now he allowed that. In his distinct orders I found that he care for me.

 

- As my slave-girl you must have rules for your every-day work at home.

 

- Yes Master! Of course, Master.

 

- But I think it is better that you learn the rules and routines in the order they will be needed. It is easier for you to learn them that way.

 

- Yes Master. Thank you, Master!

 

//

 

When I came to my workplace my boss said that I had roses on my cheeks and that he noticed that I had my old humor after a time of depression. It was positive, he said.

 

- You have probably found a new boar! He said.

 

By not scream NO, as I otherwise had done, I felt that I in silence confirm his statement.

 

But BOAR is it a male pig, a male chauvinist pig?

Perhaps he was right, without of knowing the fact.

I wanted really my new Master to be a spoiled male, a chauvinistic pig, my pig, my Master. And I smiled.

 

I belonged to him now and he owned me. If he forbids anything I must obey in the same way that I must obey his orders. To be own by a man is mega more than a simple marriage.

 

Perhaps Sonja, who is a member of the women’s liberation movement, also wanted to be own and to own. She stress often: “My husband!” as if she owned him. My man! Wow, how about: “My Master!”

 

Perhaps a deed-of-gift works in both directions?

 

I put in soft gingerbread biscuits on its place on its shelf in the shop. When I was ready I should have some coffee.

 

On my way to the lunch-room I met the boss again.

 

- I want to give my notice!

 

- Okay! Are you going to be housewife and have children from that tiny slit?

Of course you may quit. I want you to stay but I can not compete with your new boar, can I? Do you stay to the end of this month?

 

- Yes, thank you, I will.

 

“Have children from that tiny slit?”

I had got used to his strange kind of humor with its sexual attachments. As all of my female work-mates I had silently accepted it for a long time. We took it for what is was, “manly humor”.

 

The only thing I reacted to was: “that tiny slit”. He hadn’t seen mine, so how could he…. Never mind I’m out of here in less than a month. Disregarded from his rude humor was a very good employer, who cared for his employee. Sonja could really give him answers that make him mute and us laughing.

 

Why does he say boar, he can’t know anything about the man I have met. But he is that way. Perhaps it is better for him to concentrate on his own wife and kids, I thought a bit ironic.

 

Now I had done it! Give my notice. I had obeyed my Master and that felt good. I will miss my work-mates.

Now must Master Micke take responsibility for me and I would not have salaries anymore.

 

To be housewife is not that bad. No alarm watch that made irritating noise in the morning. Even if he woke me up in the night I could go to sleep when I was through with my tasks.

 

//

 

I went into the lunch-room and it was empty. I put on the coffee machine. Our boss offers us coffee and biscuits and as much as we wanted. On Fridays he offers bread and butter, cheese and marmalade. All for free. He never watched us with a clock in his hand and we were all loyal to him.

 

It seemed that I was the only one who could start the coffee machine, though there were 12 persons, (9 women in different ages). It irritated me a bit. The one who took the last cup of coffee could start the machine.

But all knew that I did it, when I came into the room.

 

Was it that role they saw me in, a damn attendant. I thought that I was in title to be angry.

 

My Master on the other hand had the right to have me serving him, but here we were work-mates.

 

The intern loudspeaker was thundering and abrupt my wondering.

 

“Telephone to Hilda on line 4!”

 

What, telephone to me?

Who phone me at my working place?

 

Perhaps it was Master Micke, I hoped and rushed up to the telephone and push “Line 4”.

 

- Hello! It is Hilda.

 

I said and listened. It was quiet some long second or two.

 

- Hello Hilda.

 

I recognized Mats’s voice and felt my heart stop, but it started again with a force that throbbed into my head as it tried to come into pace again.

 

- Hello Master, he corrected me.

 

My thoughts bombarded my poor brain and my feelings ….  And I felt dizzy.

 

I had signed a deed-of-gift to my new Master and I had only one Master. No, Mats was not my Master. He had been but he had jumped off that train. But an old feeling saw him as my Master in a funny way.

 

To win time, to think, I didn’t react to his correction. But my slave-girl-mind wanted to do it, as a habit.

 

- Hej, what do you want?

 

I tried deliberately approach him at a friendly level but felt the same feeling as when I sat in my car outside his apartment just to see glimpse of him.

 

- I miss my slave-girl!

 

Bang! That went straight into my mind. I knew that those words were very hard for Mats to pronounce.

All his pride forbids him to express those words. 

 

I knew Mats. To articulate those words he must have a Hell of regret and longing. But of course it was not me, but my mouth that he longed for or my tongue. He must have a winning to do something like this.

 

I knew Mats and had never in my life believed that he could pronounce those words, to give words for a defeat and give up all defenses in a unconditional capitulation. It had cost him. I enjoyed every second, enjoyed his temporary humbleness. Jesus, how lovely!

 

He had longed for me, certainly as a slave-girl, but anyway. I could feel my victory in every breath.

He, who only had demanded that I should abrupt what ever I was doing, kneel before him and suck him off and when it was done and he was cleaned he just whisk me as off, as a used sperm-bucket. Okay, okay I had allowed him that right and got used to it, in exchange for his taking the responsibility for me and my life.

But now he was on his knees. I knew him.

 

I had the winning cards in my hand and I couldn’t stop using my position. Maybe it was an old and pent-up revenge deep inside of me.

 

- Mats, how do you mean?

 

- Hilda! This is hard enough for me without you torturing me. I tried to be alone, met some one else but found out that you was better than all of them together. I love you. Okay Hilda, I was wrong. You may come back to me now.

 

My God, how gorgeous! He was crawling on his knees for me and I knew what every one of this words cost him. He had to force them over his lips.

 

But I had a new Master now and he owned me. There was no way back to Mats. I could as well kick him in his butt and …. I could exhort him to stick up a finger in that place where my tongue had worked for hours for his pleasure. Not even a trace of a thanks for all that enjoyment of his.  He had taken it for granted. Who wants to be taken for granted?

 

I could not be free from the deed-of-gift and I absolutely didn’t want to be free from my new Master Micke, even if I knew Mats inside-out.

 

The great anger that well up from my inside made me surprised. A shut-in fury was released with its own hurricane and took over my thinking.

I was going to burn my ships at Mats’s place. No, they were burned in the same moment I signed my name on the deed-of-gift. Thank you, my heart!

 

I belonged to another man now. It only temporary moderated my anger. It was long time since I felt a so righteous anger. But I didn’t need to be angry. It was over with Mats.

 

An evil thought. I could in a lovely revenge use my ace-card and pay him back. I wanted to suck in all that sweet and I felt that it was healing an old longing and lust and swallowed pride.

 

- Mats, you want me back to be the slave-girl that you can do what ever you want with. To be your slave at your disposal day and night as soon as you want to be released from your sperm? To be your sperm-release-automat and that you can ill-treat as dirt, as your praise?

 

- Hilda. I want you to come back to me, as my woman and as my slave-girl, which you are so good at. You are the most perfect slave-girl a man can imagine and the most wonderful woman.

 

- Are you talking about the woman you throw away?

 

- No, I didn’t throw you away; I gave your free to do what you wanted.

 

- What did I be free to?

To minute for minute longing myself crazy to come back to you.

To be prepared to end my life when you didn’t want me any longer.

To be prepared to do absolutely anything for you to take me back.

Do you call that to be free?

I was bound to you and you didn’t want me!

 

 

My anger wanted to boil over and I felt that I must reduce the heat and cool down my feelings.

 

I thought that now I will wallop him, crush him as a louse and laugh at him. If he want a slave-girl that released him he had to hunt for another. He will never have me again. Never, ever!

 

- Mats! Listen now carefully. I’m holding up my finger in the air, for the first time in my life. You know where you can put that finger, but you will not borrow mine.

 

I cooled down a bit and decrease the heat.

 

- Mats! I used my freedom to what you meant. I have another Master now and he owns me really. I have given him a deed-of-gift on myself and it confirms that I’m his complete property to do with as he pleases.

Mats, you will never again see me naked or kneeling before you to suck you off as soon as you feel lust for it. I’m will no longer be your sperm-sucker and sperm-releasing-doll, never again! I will never again be you slave-girl, who you can use as you want and who obeys your slightest wish and who see to that you always have a nice time when ever you want to, when, how and where you want it. I will never again dance naked before you or caress myself only for you to see. You will never again own my orgasm. You will never again wake me in the night after you have sperm flow from a wet dream and have me suck you and then clean you so you can go back to sleep. Mats! Do you hear me, never again and now you can fuck off and try to remember what you will be missing when you gave me free.

 

The last sentence I didn’t get any receipt for. He hangs up, but he stayed long enough to listen to the very most of it and missed only the last sentence.

 

My enumeration of what he will miss was just a list of what he hopelessly had to long for as revenge from me.

 

My anger was kept on low heat now. I hadn’t heard the door opened and that Vera and Anders had entered the lunch-room.

 

My God! I had no idea how long they had been there.

 

- I broke up with my gay!

 

I explained in an exculpating way and felt my cheeks really flushing.

 

How much had they heard? I wanted only to enumerate all the details that Mats should miss, just to torturing him, I admit. It wasn’t meant for others to listen to all those details.

 

- It is right. One must not let them boss one around.

 

Vera said diplomatically.

 

I didn’t know what to say to add an excusing plaster to what I had said, but I tried.

 

- I enumerate what he demanded of me, but no, he shall not boss me.

 

It didn’t sounded well, but it was the only thing I could come up with.

 

- I understand.

 

Vera said, but I didn’t know if she did or didn’t.

 

//

 

Home again.

 

- Master Micke, I must tell you that Mats phoned to my work today. He wanted me back, but I turned him away of course and told him that he never, ever would have me as his slave-girl again. I told him also that I had a real Master now and that I had signed a deed-of-gift on my self and that I hadn’t any free will any more, that you owned me now.

 

It really felt good to tell him all this. No secret for one’s Master!

 

- Well, what did you say more?

 

- I finished off by enumerate what slave-girl he would miss and told him to fuck-off.

 

- What did he answer?

 

- Master, he hanged up. Now I have break up with Mats for ever. I belong to you only and it is you who steer my life now, Master.

 

It felt so good to be honest and show him that I had finished my old relation. Nothing more could threaten our relation now. I had detected a little of jealousy from Master Micke when he spoke of Mats. Now that was finished with and I felt so satisfied to be obedient his slave-girl.

 

- That was good and you don’t think you will regret it?

 

- No Master, I will never regret it. And by the way, as I know Mats his is furious and pissed off now. If he could kill me, he had done so.

 

- It wasn’t good, I want have a living slave-girl, as dead you have no value.

 

- No Master!

 

I felt so obedient and good. I had done what was expected from me. With Mats there was no return, even if Master Micke should abandon me, but that I would made my business that he didn’t.

 

I knew Mats inside and out and I also knew that I had wounded his ego in the cruelest way. His lately memory of me had been the obedient and docile slave-girl, which never gave him any kind of resistance and gave him all imaginable pleasure. Okay, I enjoyed that he took responsibility for me and made all my decisions. And a deep secret part of my liked to by his sex-toy and his…...

 

I could easily understood how much I had hurted him. But it was done now and I had to focus on my new Master.

 

Master Micke had evidently finished this subject and that’s why I must do the same and don’t allowed myself to think more of it.

 

//

 

As many other slave-girls I had have Anna as my example of being a good slave-girl. Her explanation-model of the submission-bug I think I understand fully, but I had not really felt it as she does, with the “bug” I mean.

 

I feel that I need an inner support to be the perfect slave-girl that I want to. She had aimed high, a complete and total slave-girl. I hope I would reach that goal one day.

With a good trainer and Master it was possible, but he must first break my egoism, my own hunting for pleasure, so that I put his in the very first room.

 

I don’t see my as a good slave-girl, but I was when Mats erased my egoism and made me his sex-toy, made me do anything for his pleasure and had mine to stand back. I think that I need a strong and egoistic Master.

 

I experience that I must have a strong pressure on me to force me into that view of a real slave-girl. And that pressure was one of the urging motives for me to sign the deed-of-gift. Now I have only to live up to that goal.

 

Up to now it had felt good and I felt baited when I overdo my submission to my owner, Master Micke.

 

My God! My Master owns me!

 

 

//

 

Will be continued.

Cecilita