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The last two days had been almost the same - endless
hiking and meals with very little conversation. They were now up in the
mountains. The trails were slippery and as result the staff members had to use
the whip a lot of times. Of course I was
worried that it was too harsh for the children. No parent wants to see their
child in this condition, but what is the alternative?
I remember when I had some of my friends over for
coffee a month ago. For some reason the television was on. We saw a show from
MTV about children being jailed in
Well, now I am pushing the very cart, my son is chained
to. I know from the seminar that the alternative would be a destructive path to
his death, if I had not interfered. I have isolated him from the dangers and
temptations of the real world for his sake. I am saving his life.
A staff member yielded: “Stop! It is time for lunch
and then we all have to participate in group therapy.”
When the lunch was over, we all sat in a circle. A
staff member took the word and asked Bill to talk about his impact letter. Bill
started to read it:
Dear Bill
When I took the
decision to enrol you to this program, I did it in order to prevent you from
destroying your life. I did have anything against you having a girl friend.
I would also address
your addiction to alcohol. I don’t know why you choose to act in such a wrong
way. Perhaps I had my share of responsibility when my marriage with your father
broke up. Perhaps I was not there for you, when you needed my support.
You lack of trust in
me made me feel hart broken. We have always been close.
But I am here for
you now. Every step we take on this journey of emotional growth and healing! I
want your relationship with
You are my only son
and I want to see you successful and happy. I want to help you to reach that,
but you have a huge share of the work reaching it. There I will encourage you
to work towards that goal, so we all can return home soon as a reunited family.
Mom
There was a moment of silence when he was finished. He
just sat there and looked in the ground. Then he spoke:
“Mom - I am sorry about us drinking alcohol, but I
love
“I think that you are still in denial. How did you end
up in that sofa with her? I suspect that it was some kind of spontaneous act,
which got out of hand. You don’t need to have sex just because you have a
girlfriend. It is the alcohol. It blurred your mind.”
He got upset. “We only did it twice.”
I had to make me a reminder about rearrangement of his
furniture. I could not stand the thought of having something in my house he had
having sex in. I was about to reply him when the therapist cut in.
“Well, he is 16 years of age. Both he and his
girlfriend had reached the age of consent. What they did is technical legal,
but what about contraception? Did you use that?”
Bill was clearly uncomfortable about getting into that
issue. “No because
I turned towards Amber. Why was
Amber staggered. “She is on the pill, because her
bleeding was very irregular. Our doctor told us that getting her on the pill
would fix that.”
I sighed from relief. Bill needs a girlfriend that
would be faithful.
The therapist continued. “Regardless of the fact that
your girlfriend was on the pill, you still need protection. A lot of diseased
can spread when you don’t protect yourself. Also keep in mind that the pill
sometime does not work for an unknown reason. It is not a lot of fun to get a
baby, when you have not finished your education.”
Bill waved deprecating. He was not going to admit
Bill exploded in anger. He tried to stand up, but of
course it was trained counsellors, so they had seen to that one of the chains
was secured to longer chain, which all the students were connected to. So he
fell instead, which made it easy for other staff members to strap him up
entirely. I close my eyes why they struggled. I could not bear to see him being
restrained. On the other hand I knew that his torment was for his own good. He
needed to be provoked. He could not continue to lower his head and avoid every
problem in his life. He had to confront his demons in order to mature.
When I opened my eyes again they had shovelled a huge
gag ball in his mouth and his cuffs were strapped securely to his corset. He
was under control but certainly still upset. Some mumbling sounds came from his
mouth, but I could not under stand what he said.
The therapist turned to
She unfolded her impact letter and tried to read, but
she faltered and started to cry. Amber took the letter out off her hand and
read the letter instead.
Dear daughter
You have always been
my little princess. I remember those countless times where we have dressed you
up in gowns and played with makeup. It was our little world - Our small games.
Now you have decided to play with your boyfriend instead. I am not jealous. I
knew this time would come. But I had hoped that you would have come to me –
that you would have entrusted me, so I could have mentored you. Instead you
jumped into irresponsible love-making without taking the simples precautions
against pregnancy.
I took reasonability
as a parent and took you here. I did not send you here to be fixed. I am here
in person for you and I will stay at your side to the bitter end. I want to see
you succeed. By taking the tough decision of you being here together with me, I
have reached out for you. Let us work together in order to heal as a family.
Mom
When Amber stopped,
Amber understood the trick and manipulation. “
“But… What are you expecting from me? I don’t
understand.”
The therapist cut in “You need to see inside yourself.
You need to tell us about your feelings. You must open up. I feel the anger,
the resent towards your mother for her to send you here. You need to ask
yourself. Why did you not go to your mother before getting started with Bill?
Why do you need alcohol to loosen up before you have sex?”
“What kind of daughter would tell her mom, when she
are about to have sex?”
“A responsible daughter. A daughter, who thinks about consequences of her actions.
How is your mom going to be able to give you advise about the very important
act sexual intercourse is, when she is not informed of your actions?”
“Are we not entitled to a private life?”
“Yes. You are. But taking such an important step calls
for advice.”
“But I was on the pill!”
“Yes. However, sometimes the pill doesn’t work and
what about sexual transmitted disease?”
“Okay. You have a point.”
“But it doesn’t stop there. You rebelled for a reason.
You need to see inside yourself and find out what that reason is. You also need
to find out what you are ashamed off.”
“Ashamed?”
“Yes - Ashamed, because you used alcohol to let your
feelings loose. You want to be so much in control that you could not go through
with sex without using alcohol as a kind of anaesthetic. It is quiet normal for
girls, who have been the nice girl all their life. You are too focused on your appearance.
Amber – is it not correct that
Amber looked surprised. “Yes. I never had any problems
with her - Always helpful. Why is that a problem?”
“Sometimes people can be so busy doing the right thing
that they wear themselves out. That can also happen to adults. Being the
perfect daughter – perfect wife – can be so exhausting, that people start to
suffer from stress. I may have given too many clues here.
A staff member took the gag out of Bill’s mouth. When
asked if he was ready to discuss the matter further de declined. Although it
was clear for me that the therapist wanted to push Bill for reason he did not.
The rest of the day went by in silence. Our group therapy had exhausted us all.
Bill did not speak a word to me beside “Yes” and “No”.
The next morning it was raining. In fact raining was
understated. It was pouring down. Very soon the trail was muddy and Brittany
and Bill were unable to pull the cart. A staff member tried his best to
motivate them with the whip, but it was of no use. They just couldn’t. We even
tried to push. The cart was stuck. The staff member turned to me. You have to
pull too.”
I was speechless. “But how – there is no room”. He
took something from a bag. It was a harness! “You don’t mean that I have to
wear a harness like our children.”
“Yes. I am serious. One of the purposes with this
course is to teach you how to function as a family – working together. Don’t
you want to help your child?”
I nodded and started to dress up in the harness very reluctantly.
Amber also had to dress up. Fortunately we did not have to undress. The harness
consisted of a kind of leather corset with were strapped into place rather than
laced. Next was a collar, which forced me to raise my head a little. It was a
little uncomfortable. “Does it have to be like this?”
“Yes. You don’t need to look other places than where
you are going.”
On the corset there were two leather cuffs for my
upper arm. I did not like it, but what would a mother not do for her child. A
strap went between my legs. If I had been naked it would have covered my
private parts. Finally I got leather cuffs on my wrist. They were chained to
D-rings on the corset. I was immobilised. Amber and I were placed in front of
Brittany and Bill.
We were soon connect to the cart and were waiting for
the signal to pull, when a staff member put a harness over my head. Before I
had a chance to react, a bit gag was shovelled in my mouth. The staff member
could see that I was about to protest and said “This is a team challenge where
you have to work with your child under almost the same conditions as he endures
so you can bond and solve the task together.”
I settled down. They knew best. I am only a mom. What
do I know?
One staff member went behind the cart in order to
push. Another stood beside us. They signalled us to pull. The cart was stuck!
I almost jumped when I received the first lash. I did
not hurt so much. I was more the shock. HE HIT ME!
“Sorry. But now you are working under the same
conditions as your child. Almost the same because you have clothes on, which
takes something of the effect off.”
I would not give up. Amber received a lash too. I
could see that she also was shocked. She even had a tear running down her
chick. I took her hand just to encourage her. We put all our strength into it.
Suddenly the cart moved. Slowly we managed to pull it forward. We did it!!
We continued to pull the cart until lunch. Once in a
while a staff member came with water. It was difficult to drink with a bit in
your mouth. I can tell for sure.
At lunch time, when we all were seated and our gags
removed, Bill addressed me with admiration in his voice. “Mom – I did not
realise what you were trying to do for me before. Now I understand that you
truly are prepared to go more than an extra mile for me.”
“Do you want to give the program a chance and not be
in denial all time?”
“Yes, I do. Since the last group therapy session I
have thought about the reason for me to be so angry. Perhaps I was no so good
to express my feelings about your divorce. Perhaps I unknowingly had blamed you
for the divorce. I know dad always have worked a lot and you had some problem.
I did not understand that he also had had his share of the reason for the
divorce.”
“I know. We did not explain to you that we simply grew
apart. We neglected your feelings because we was busy creating a life for us separately.”
The staff member came over and signalled that is was
time for us to continued. The gag was still unpleasant to have inserted. I was
a little sore in my jaws, but there was no turning back, if the sudden progress
in my son’s behaviour should continue.
Back on the trial I could not avoid noticing how
exhausted poor Amber was. The pulling was taking a toe on her. She was panting
and sweating.
Suddenly she collapsed. A staff member freed her and
gave her something to drink.
Amber came around after a couple of minutes.
Before dinner we got down to a small creek where we
all washed. It was the first time since we had left Meditation Inlet they got a
chance to get their corset off. They could have run but they choose not to.
Instead they enjoy each other while they swam naked. It was as they were
children again. Suddenly all our arguments back home seemed to be far away, but
I knew that there would be a new challenging day tomorrow.
Back in camp all seemed to be joyful. Also the
Kaufmanns and the Newborns had good news. After having their offspring pulling
their cart without even looking at each other for days, the two youth had made
a connection. Perhaps there was a future for this couple.
This evening the children went to sleep early. We had
a group meeting with the staff members, where we discussed the progress in the
program. It was clear that all children were passed the initial barrier all
children put up when they enter treatment. We could not build trust on the very
foundation, we had created with our team-work pulling
the cart together with our children.
The next days also were also rain and muddy trials. My
jaws were so sore from the days with a gag my mouth. Breakfast was a pain. On
day three I had to call for a break several times. I received several laces
from the whip. The only thing that kept me going was the well-being of my
child.
Lunch was eaten in totally silence - Dinner also. We
were all so tired.
Then something terrible happened. I got sick. My
stomach was totally out of order. I had to call for a break every 15 minutes. A
staff member approached me. “We can not stop every that many times. We are
approaching one of our backup cabins, where we can do something.”
We arrived at the cabin and Amber was told to take
care of the children while I went inside with two of the staff members.
Inside there was an odd contraption inside. I was told
to undress and to lie down on it. Once I was in place they put a leather strap
over my body, so I could not move. Surprised and wordless I observed how they
fitted cuffs on my hands and feet. The final touch was a collar and suddenly I
felt a little uneasy about the procedure. “What are you doing?”
“We are going to give you an enema, so your bowels are
empty. It should fix the stomach infection you sooner. It would not hurt so
much if you lie still. That is why we have strapped you down.”
“But..” I did not finish my
sentence because they shovelled a gag ball into my mouth. “Mfpp…”
“Just relax. It would not take long.”
I felt something enter my rectum. It hurt a little.
Then a warm feeling began to fill up.
“We are using water with a degree about your body temperature
in order to minimize stomach cramps.”
The water seemed to run forever. The pressure inside
my body built up. It became almost unbearable. I tried to get their attention
but either they could not understand my mumbling sounds or they were used to
their patients feeling uneasy.
Then the flow stopped and one of the staff members
pulled the nozzle up. I was about to relax so the water could run out, when I
felt a pain at my splinter. Something bigger was about to enter me. I tried to
pull myself free, but of course it was of no use.
The other staff member tried to calm me down. “Relax.
The water has to stay inside you for about 15 minutes in order to achieve the
best result, so we are inserting a butt plug.”
The pain increased but suddenly my splinter gave in. I
froze from surprise. The pain stopped. However, suddenly the plug seemed to
grow. It could not be!
“Relax. We are just pumping it a little, so the water
does not run out. We are leaving you now so we can attend the rest of the
expedition in the meantime.”
They left.
After some ten minutes my stomach began to cramp. I
groaned. The groaning turned into whimper. One of the staff members heard me
and came inside. “We are having group therapy with the children alone, so we
won’t have you distracting his attention.” He took the gag ball out. I relaxed
my jaw for a moment but my torment was not over. The staff member told me to
open my mouth again and a different kind of gag went in. He padded me on my
head to comfort me. “Well, it is a pecker gag – it should keep you quiet.” He
left.
The cramp worsened. If I could, I would be screaming.
I have never in my life experienced such a feeling. Suddenly all went black.
I must have passed out. When I opened my eyes, Bill
was in front of me. “Mom, what have they done to you?”
“Well, now you can see for your own eyes that your mom
is not a quitter. Leave us now, so we can free her.”
Bill left the cabin and I was freed from the trestle.
I could barely stand on my feet. They supported me over to a primitive toilet
where I was standing over the bowl when the plug was deflated and pulled out.
Very fast my remains leaving the body.
“See. That is fine. One time more and we should be
able to avoid all those stops.” I began to cry and they comforted me. “We will
stay beside you all the way this time.”
The procedure started over again. I had to admit that
I did not take it bravely. But I did go through with it and my stomach problems
stopped.
The next day we saw the ocean when we passed a hill
top.
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