The Future

  THE FUTURE

By C

PART II

CHAPTER 27

                        

       The Supreme Commander smiled kindly at the girl seated beside her whose cheeks, in spite of the sadness brought on from talking of her friend’s death, still flushed pink from being embarrassed at what she had revealed of things she did to a dead soldier years ago. Lisa's life had known nothing but the suffering, pain, horrors, and atrocities of an insane war, but she had somehow managed to retain a refreshing, childlike innocence. It had been much the same with Tom but, also like Tom, the outward appearance was deceiving.

       In spite of Lisa's childlike innocence, the Supreme Commander knew that she was looking at not only a very compassionate young woman, but one that was also very brave and courageous. The vast majority of young women her age that survived the war possessed the latter of these qualities, but in considering all that had taken place - especially during the latter years – finding them combined with an innocence of this type was almost nonexistent. And for men, it was even far rarer which made it all the more remarkable for these two young lives to cross paths in manner that had such a profound impact on both.

       The Supreme Commander knew there was a great deal more to Lisa's and Tom's encounter than the basic account Lisa had given when first interviewed, and she turned the subject toward discussing Tom. Lisa had been somewhat reluctant, but, after some gentle persuasion, began to tell what had occurred.

       She had been delayed in starting home one day due to an underground meeting lasting longer than expected and, being anxious to get home before dark, had foolishly decided go through a large town rather than take the usual long way around. Her mother had often cautioned that the town could be very dangerous, especially when it started getting late. No soldiers had been seen in the town for some time, however, and Lisa did not think there was any great risk. But, as she rounded a corner she found herself suddenly confronted by a group of six soldiers. She turned to flee, but one of the soldiers lunged forward and grabbed her arm.

       "What's your hurry girlie?" He snarled and then, still holding her arm, pulled her down the sidewalk and into an alley where he shoved her roughly on her back to the pavement. "My.., but you're a pretty little thing." He said with a sneer while his eyes roamed over her. "And no more than nineteen or twenty either. Boys..! I do believe we've found ourselves a virgin." One of the other soldiers started to reach for her, but the one that had grabbed her and had done the talking pushed him away. "Oh no you don't!" He yelled. "You'll all get a turn - but I go first."

       There had been no doubt in Lisa's mind as to what was being implied, and total panic gripped her at the realization that what had become her greatest fear was about to happen - she was going to be raped.

       The soldier stood over her and looked down with a leering sneer whose effect was made even more menacing by the sight of a large bulge pressing out from the left leg of his pants. "Stop trembling you dumb bitch!" He snarled and reached down and slapped her. "This is going to be your lucky day. In a few minutes you're going to be begging ole Billy not to stop." He then reached down and grabbed the front of her blouse. Lisa's terror surged even higher in realizing that she wasn't wearing anything underneath.

       But, just as the thin fabric started to tear, the soldier released his grip and jerked up as a shot rang out and a loud voice in a commanding tone yelled - "Back off..!"  Lisa desperately looked in the direction of the voice and saw a young soldier pointing his rifle at the one standing over her. But the other five soldiers had rifles also and were turning to point them at the newcomer. Seeing this, the one standing over Lisa sneered and said, "What's the matter Tom..? Afraid we'll leave you out? Don't worry.., there's enough for everyone. In fact.., if this bitch's pussy turns out to be half as hot and tight as I'm thinking we'll probably all be having seconds. That ought to suit you."

       The young soldier, however, did not move and kept his rifle leveled. "Just back off and leave Billy." He said. The one that had been called Billy became enraged. "Oh..! I know..! You want the cherry huh..? Is that it..? Well.., I afraid that's something you can't have.. I'll tell you what I told the others - I go first. Look, you dumb idiot! Five rifles are pointing at you. You don't have a chance. Now put that damn thing down and just wait your turn."

       The young soldier still did not move and looked the other in the eye. "Yeah, I know." He Said. "They can take me out.., but not before I get you first and, since you all look a little drunk.., probably one or two of them also. All of you know that I don't miss what I shoot at, and, as long as I'm left standing, nobody touches that girl. You boys can either leave or start shooting. Me..? I'm staying right where I am. It's your play."

       They all stood silent for what to Lisa had seemed to be an eternity. She looked at the young soldier and, even in her extreme fear, was surprised by what she saw in his eyes. They were remarkably calm but, at the same time, alert with a cold hardness that displayed a manner of someone who had total confidence in himself. His look left little doubt that he meant everything he said and had no intention of backing down. There had also been little doubt that his threat to kill, if need be, had not been idle and would be carried out even though it would mean himself dying in the process. In looking at him Lisa had felt a strange chill. There was something disturbing in his manner - something was missing, but she had been far too afraid at the time to contemplate what it might be.

       The other five soldiers were obviously waiting for Billy to tell them what to do. Lisa looked up at him and saw a great different in what she had seen in his adversary. His eyes glared at the young soldier with rage, but they also twitched nervously and showed fear. Billy then dropped his gaze and said, "Oh What the hell! One stupid piece ain't worth the risk of getting shot when there's plenty more out there for the taking. Go ahead you dumb bastard! If getting a damn cherry and keeping it all to yourself is that fucking important then she's all yours! Be my guest! I hope you enjoy yourself!" With that he turned and stalked off with the others, showing obvious relief, following meekly behind.

       As soon as the departing soldiers had turned the corner of the ally, the young soldier yelled at Lisa to get behind a large trash container that was a short distance away, and he did so in a harsh tone that left little doubt he expected to be obeyed. She was far too afraid not to do as told, and scrambled toward it. He backed up as she did until both were behind it, and he then knelt at the corner of the container with his rifle raised and pointing in the direction where the others had disappeared. His actions clearly showed that he was highly suspicious at the ease with which they had given in and was expecting some type of surprise attack.

       Lisa was too terrified to move and lay in a huddle. The thought that she might have been rescued never entered her mind. Even though the soldier looked to be not much older than herself he was still a soldier, and there had been no mistaking the implications of the other soldier's parting words. And, even if they hadn't been spoken, she would have still come to the same conclusion. What other possible reason would he risk getting shot and killed unless he had a strong desire to rape her himself?

       She tried to find some comfort in thinking that at least it would be only one instead of six, but she could not forget the look she had seen in his eyes that had somehow disturbed her. It was then that the reason came. It wasn't so much what she had seen but what she didn't. There had been no emotion - no fear - no anger – no caring. There had only been a calm, coldness about them that gave the impression that he could have killed or been killed, and, either way, it would be of no great importance. And it was for this reason that, even though she would be raped by only one instead of six, it made Lisa feel that he was capable of being far more cruel and dangerous - and her fear grew.

       Lisa remained laying in a huddle, but soldier continued to watch the end of the ally and seemed to pay her no notice. The wait was proving to be far worse for Lisa to endure than when her fear had come with numbing suddenness. She now had time to think, and, in so doing, it came to her that if the soldier had not made the others go away that they would have been finished with her by now. She would probably be dead - but at least it would be over. But now, she was having to wait knowing that the horrors she must endure still lay ahead and making her wonder if the pain of being raped would be truly as unbearable and excruciating as she had heard.

       Her dread of being raped was so great that the thought that he would probably beat her first brought a glimmer of hope instead of adding to her fear. If he beat her real bad maybe she would be so dazed she wouldn't feel the pain quite as much when he raped her. Maybe she would even be unconscious - but that was probably too much to hope for. This caused her to wonder what he would do afterward. She knew that he would probably kill her, but.., how would he do it..? She again thought of the coldness she had seen in his eyes and felt sure that it would be in a very brutal manner.

       For some strange reason, thinking she would soon be dead did not add greatly to Lisa's fears. Like most women, living under the threat of death on a daily basis had long ago caused her to accept that it was probably only a matter of time until she would either be killed or die from some sickness. And, since death would at least put an end to the hardship and suffering being endured, it was not all that much to be afraid of. The realization that it was probably almost at hand created a strange calm in her in spite of knowing that excruciating pain must first be endured.

       The calming effect caused Lisa's thoughts to turn toward wondering, in an almost abstract manner, how she would be left after being killed. She decided that it would probably be like the girl had described about Sally - lying on her back naked with her legs spread and providing an unrestricted view of what lay between. He would probably leave her lying like that right there in the alley - in full view of anyone that came along. If it happened to be women that found her they would feel sorrow and take her away if possible - or, if not, at least find something to put over her. But, with night coming, the chances were far more likely that it would be more soldiers. And, if she was laying there naked, they would find themselves being unable to just walk by and give no notice. It would be the same for them as it had been for her after she had taken the clothes off the dead soldier in the woods.

       They would stop and look real close the way she had looked. And then they would touch - the way she had touched, explore - the way she had explored, maybe even look inside - as she had looked inside. But, she knew that they would probably not stop after doing this as she had stopped. They would continue, and.., she would again be raped - maybe many times if there were a lot of them. She knew that a woman being dead didn't seem to matter all that much to soldiers. And, since she would be dead, it wouldn't matter to her either – at least not then. But while she was alive she found that thinking about lying on her back naked and having soldier's doing all of those things to her, even if dead, did matter - it mattered a lot.

       The soldier did not even glance in Lisa's direction while these thoughts were going through her mind. He stayed in a kneeling position looking down the alley the entire time - alert for the slightest noise or movement. When he finally seemed satisfied that there was no immediate threat he glanced toward the other end of the alley and asked Lisa if she knew what was in that direction. Lisa had been expecting him to beat and rape her right there, and, being caught by surprise, had hesitated in giving an answer. A moment latter, she had no opportunity to respond. The air was suddenly filled with the wailing of air-raid sirens which were followed almost immediately by the deep drone of bombers indicating, as was often the case, that the warning was late in coming.

       The building that Lisa and the soldier had been next to was a deserted warehouse, and he quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her a though a door that was hanging open. They entered the large interior and had gotten only part way across the open floor when bombs began to fall with several emitting shrill screams that the soldier's trained ear told him would hit close by. He yelled at Lisa to get down and shoved her backwards to the floor while throwing himself on top of her. An instant later, a bomb exploded in the alley at the very place they had been moments earlier - blowing a hole in the wall of the building and showering them with debris.

       The building shook as bombs continued to fall close by, and then gradually diminished with the sounds of explosions becoming more distant. The soldier looked around the dust filled room - listened intently - and then appeared satisfied that the danger had passed. It had only been at that moment that he realized he was laying full length on top of Lisa who had fallen on her back. He immediately jumped to his feet and, with his face turning red, stammered an apology. He then looked at her with concern and asked if she had been hurt.

       For some reason, however, he quickly diverted his gaze and again looked embarrassed. He than took off his field jacket, and, still looking away, handed it to her to put it on. This caused Lisa to look down, and she saw that the tear in her blouse was revealing the upper part of her left breast. (In describing it to the Supreme Commander she had said - "It wasn't really that much. All you could see was where it swelled some at the top - not enough to be able to see my, ugh.., you know.")

       Lisa had been dumfounded, to say the least, by the soldier's actions. As the bombs had been falling she had been surprised that he used his body to shield her instead of the other way around – and now this. And the harsh tone he had used earlier was gone, and, even more remarkable, the cold and unemotional look that had previously been in his eyes had been replaced by an embarrassed shyness. Instead of being a soldier - he somehow seemed to have changed and become a person. A person that had feelings and compassion. It was only at this moment that the thought came to Lisa that maybe he did not intend to beat, rape, and kill her after all.

       A loud crash in the alley caused the soldier's embarrassed manner to vanish, and he instantly once again become alert. He signaled her to stay quite, crawled to the opening in the wall that had been left by the bomb blast, and once again took a kneeling position with his rifle raised. He stayed unmoving in this manner for a long time and then appeared satisfied. He came back and sat down next to Lisa - although still remaining watchful of the opening.

       "Probably just something loose falling off the building." He said. "I doubt if Billy and his boys would still be hanging around after the bombing, but it's best not to take chances. If you're wondering how I know them we're in the same regiment. Different battalion, but we know each other. But we're not friends or anything like that. They're nothing but trouble. I've heard them bragging about things they had done to women, but I always thought it was mostly just talk." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Guess I was wrong."

       The soldier got to his feet and again went cautiously back to the opening, looked both ways, and then up at the sky. He then came back and again sat down next to Lisa. "The sun will be down soon." He said. "It's too dangerous to be out there after dark." He then looked uncomfortably at Lisa with his face again turning red. "I'm, er.., I'm afraid we're going to have to stay here tonight. You don't have to worry though." He added quickly. "I won't.., er.., try anything. When it gets morning I'll take you home."

       Lisa looked with bewilderment at his earnest and embarrassed face. "I don't understand." She said. "You risked your life to stop those other soldiers from doing horrible things to me, and then you risked it again to shield me from the bombs. And now you say that you're not going to do anything to me except take me home?" She shook her head in dismay. "But.., but, you're a soldier."

       He looked questionably at Lisa. "What does being a soldier have to do with anything? Do you think just because I'm a soldier that I'm like those jerks? You think all soldiers are like that? Lisa hesitated. This was exactly what she thought, but she was afraid it might make him angry if she were to admit it. "Well." She said. "I've never been around any soldiers so I don't really know very much about them. But, er.., for as long as I can remember my mother has told me that soldiers can be very dangerous, and we always hide anytime we see soldiers – even when they are at a distance. And, whenever they came close, mother always gets real scared in a way that’s a lot different than at any other time like when bombs are falling."

       The soldier though a moment and then shook his head in understanding. "Well, I can't argue with that." He said. "Most soldiers are OK – but certainly not all. There are plenty out there that are indeed dangerous - especially for women. It's a lot safer for you to hide from all soldiers than take a chance of being caught by any of those bastards."

       The soldier's eyes then got a far away look that became very cold. "I know well enough the things they do to women. I've seen it too many times afterward not to know. Sometimes you find them laying out in the open, but most of the time, it's when your fighting house to house and go inside a place to check it out. They're usually on a bed or the floor - but sometimes in other ways like hanging from a wall or the ceiling. And it’s unbelievable at some of the things that have been done to them. A lot of times there's not much left - not much that can be recognized anyway. More times than not it’s girls no older than yourself or even younger. When you see something like that you just.., just.." The soldier did not continue, but the look of cold anger in his eyes become even more intense with a fierceness that caused Lisa to shudder. It had been as though he had forgotten she was there, and he spoke with a coldness in his voice that matched the look in his eyes. "If I ever come across a piece of scum doing something like that..." His voice trailed off without finishing, but there was no doubt his meaning, and, in looking at him, Lisa again found a shudder going through her.

       The soldier suddenly jerked his head, and the anger in his eyes quickly faded. "I'm sorry." He said. "I guess I got a little carried away. It's just that it's hard to believe that some of the things I’ve seen could have been done by a human - or someone that's suppose to be human anyway." He looked earnestly at Lisa. "You keep on doing exactly as your mother says and always hide." His face then took on a look of chagrin as he realized the foolishness of such advice after what she had just experienced. "I'm sorry. I, er, I guess that sounded kind of dumb." He paused for a moment and then, looking for a way to change the subject, said - "My name's Tom by the way. What's yours?"

     “I’m Lisa.” She replied. “I don’t know how to thank you for what you did. I can’t believe how brave you were. And you were so calm like, er.., like it didn’t even matter that you might have been killed.” Tom laughed. “There wasn’t really that much danger. I know that bunch well enough to know they would back down as long as I didn’t turn my back.” He then surged his shoulders. “But the chance of being killed doesn’t bother me any more. The war’s been going on for so long and, with no end in sight, you come to realize that it’s only a matter of time before your number’s going to come up. It’s something you learn to live with. I just hope that when the day comes it will be quick.”         

       Lisa and Tom sat next to each other as it grew dark. At first, she found it difficult trying to have a conversation with a soldier, but, as they talked, her fear of him began to fade and, with it, the difficulty of carrying on a conversation until she was chatting and laughing. Tom seemed to want her to talk mostly about herself, and she told him of her mother and of things she had done - not anything about finding a dead soldier in the woods of course.

       She tried to get him to talk about himself but found him to be very shy and unwilling to say very much. But she found herself admiring him from what little he did reveal and at what could be read between the lines in what was not said. And she found herself looking more and more into his face and becoming intrigued at the shy way he smiled and, most of all, at seeing the extent of expressions being reflected in his eyes - laughter, tenderness, gentleness, concern, sorrow, compassion, and so much more. She had though it impossible that soldiers could have such feelings and, in discovering it, found it caused her to admire him all the more.

       The point was reached where Lisa found herself looking upon Tom in terms of being a friend instead of a soldier. In fact, although she didn't quite understand what it was, she had started to feel something toward him that was somehow different from simply being a friend. And whatever this something was, it caused her to feel a strange type of excitement she had never known before. In addition, he had started to look at her in a way that was also different from before, and, whatever it was, it was in a way that she found she liked.

       It had gotten quite dark as Lisa and Tom talked, but then, the room was suddenly bathed in bright moonlight. "Damn!" Tom said, looking at the opening. "I was hoping those clouds would stay. I guess I'd better go and keep a lookout. You need to be getting some sleep anyway." He untied a rolled-up raincoat from his knapsack and handed it to Lisa saying, "Here, you can use this for your head."

       Lisa's hand touched Tom's as she took the garment which, for some reason, caused a strange tingle of excitement to go through her. It appeared to have had the same effect on Tom also and, for a moment, both appeared reluctant for the contact to be broken. Then, blushing, Tom pulled away and stammered, "Well.., er.., goodnight", and he got up and walked over to the opening where he sat and took up a vigil looking outside.

       Lisa rested her head on the raincoat but was not sleepy - nor.., was she afraid. Although Tom had tried to act casual she knew from his manner that he felt there was potential danger out there. But, in spite of this, there was something reassuring about seeing him nearby, and it made her feel safe. As time passed, however, she found herself beginning to feel something else entirely. She described it in this manner: "I lay there looking at him and thinking how brave he had been in risking his life to save me. There was no doubt that I would be dead if it wasn’t for him. Even if the other soldiers hadn't killed me they would have left me laying there after being raped, and I would have been killed by the bombs."

       Lisa began to blush. "And thinking about the bombs made me remember the way he had been laying on top of me when they were falling, and I started thinking how he had been pressing against my breast and ugh.., down there also. I knew that his, ugh.., had been against mine with only our clothes keeping them from touching. And you know..? I started to feel kind of tingly down there.. I remembered having a feeling that was something like that before but, at first, couldn't place it. But then, it came to me that it had been during some of the times I had been picturing in my mind of things I had done to that dead soldier."

       "But, this time, the feeling got a lot worse and I began to get tingly and excited all over - but mainly ugh.., down there. It started feeling in a way that I had never known before like it was actually wanting something to be put inside it and, although my mind was telling me I was being a fool, I knew exactly what that something was. I looked at Tom and started thinking about what he would look like without, ugh.., without clothes on and his, ugh.., you know.., ugh.., being stiff. This made me get even more excited and made me feel like, ugh.., it.., ugh.., it being in there might actually feel good instead of hurting."

       Lisa's face had turned extremely red in telling this part of her story, and she looked down at the floor to avoid any eye contact. But, she had reached a point where she found herself unable to stop. "I knew that what I was thinking was dumb, but, in spite of it, I couldn't stop feeling like I did. And I began to wonder if maybe he was thinking about me laying on the floor close by, and, if so, if he was thinking about me that way also. And, if he was, maybe it would get so strong that he would come over and rape me even though he had said he wouldn't. And, er.., and thinking that there was maybe a chance that this might actually happen only increased how I was feeling until I even started hoping that he really would. I knew that he would probably beat me up first, and I didn't like thinking about that. But I didn't think he would beat me real bad unless I tried to fight back or get away - and.., believe it or not.., I knew that I wouldn't do either one."

       Lisa hesitated while continuing to look at the floor. She was finding it difficult to continue but, with the Supreme Commander's gentle urging, managed to summon the courage. "I know you'll think I'm wicked, but I even did something that I thought might actually help to encourage him. His jacket was way too big for me and had hung so loose that I hadn't bothered to zip it up. I pretended to be asleep and moved around some until it fell open so that if he glanced in my direction, which I felt sure he would do sooner or later, he would be able to see the tear in my blouse and the top of my, ugh, breast. And maybe, if he thought I was asleep, he would keep looking instead of getting embarrassed like before. I glanced down to see if the jacket was open enough, and I saw that laying on my side had pressed my breast against the floor and pushed it up so that it swelled out of the torn place which was stretched real tight and gaping open so wide that a little bit of, ugh.., the brown part at the top of, ugh.., my nipple showed."

       Lisa blushed even more. "I know you'll find this hard to believe.., but it made a thrill go through me to realize that if Tom looked around he would see a lot more that before. The material of my blouse was real thin, and I even pressed down on the floor to see if the pressure would make the tear longer so that, ugh.., more of my, ugh.., nipple would show. It didn't, but, for some reason, it, ugh.., you know.., ugh.., had gotten real    hard, and, ugh.., this got me excited thinking that he would at least be able to see the, ugh.., the bulge."

       "I lay real still, pretending to be asleep, but I kept one eye open just enough to be able to see. Part of me was embarrassed and finding it hard to believe that I was actually doing such a thing. I mean.., all he had to do was turn around, and he would see. But.., at the same time, another and much bigger part of me was getting even more excited, and the tingling down there got a lot worse."

       "I was real nervous and scared course. I knew I was doing something real dumb just because of feeling tingly down there and thinking that maybe being raped would feel good instead of hurting. But I knew from everything I had ever heard that, not only would it hurt, but would be the most excruciating pain I had ever known. And, regardless of how I was feeling down there, there was no logical reason for me to believe that if Tom really did rape me that it wouldn't be every bit as bad as I had been told. And, although I was thinking that he wouldn't beat me up all that much before he raped me I couldn't really be sure of this either. I had already seen how he could change in ways that frightened me, and I had no way of knowing just how he might react if he were to look, and it really did make him come over."

       "For all I knew, he might become wild and loose control, beat me unmercifully, and then rape me so brutally that it would hurt far worse than anything I could possibly imagine. And afterward, if he decided to kill me he might do it in some slow and painful and horrible manner. And yet.., in spite of this.., I was actually going out of my way to encourage him. I knew I was being very foolish and taking a tremendous risk, but it was something I just couldn't seem to control."

       "I lay real still and pretended to be asleep with part of me being excited and wanting Tom to turn around and another part being afraid that he would. But he just sat there looking outside. My excitement started to calm down some as time passed, and I found myself getting more and more apprehensive. I also started feeling more and more ashamed until it got so bad that I pulled the jacket back down. I calmed down a whole lot after this, and it wasn't long afterward that I went to sleep."

       “I'm can't be sure, but I think I roused up just a little some time during the night and saw Tom sitting like he had been before with his back to me. I must have made some kind of sound though because he glanced in my direction but then, turned away real quick. He sat still for a minute or two and then it looked like he started to move his head toward me several times but would jerk back like there was something he wanted to look at but, on the other hand, was trying not to. But then.., real slow and hesitant like.., he turned his head until he was looking right at me. And.., this time.., he kept on looking."

       "I guess I was still mostly asleep though. I don't really know if it happened at all because the next thing I remember is waking up hearing Tom calling and saying that the sun was coming up and that it was time to leave."

       "I was startled at first and didn't realize where I was until I looked over and saw Tom kneeling by the hole in the wall and looking outside. I was lying on my back with my left arm up over my head, and I yawned and started to answer when, all of a sudden, I felt a breeze on my breast. I looked down and couldn't believe what I saw. I must have moved around in my sleep because not only was the jacket laying wide open, but my blouse had ripped a lot more so that my entire breast was, er.., all the way out, and, with my arm being up, it was being pulled up which made it stick out even more."

       "I yanked the jacket closed as fast as I could and glanced at Tom real quick but he was still looking outside. I was relieved that he hadn't turned around, but then I noticed he was acting different than when he had been watching the night before. I mean, it was almost too much - like he was trying to appear to be a lot more interested in looking at things outside than he really was."

       "I felt my face turning red as I realized the reason - he had seen everything but was trying to pretend like he hadn't. I was so embarrassed that I just lay there not knowing what to do. It was only then that I remembered what I had done before going to sleep. All of what I had been feeling then had gone away though, and I found it hard to believe that I had actually deliberately opened the jacket and was wanting him to turn and look. But.., as bad as that had been.., at least he would have only seen the upper part of my breast and, ugh.., the bulge. I knew that, regardless of how excited I might have been at the time, I would never have dared to try and make all of it show like it was doing when I woke up."

       "I knew that Tom could have looked at me for a long time while I was asleep if he had wanted, but, at first, I thought that it had probably been like the day before when he had turned away real fast after a brief glance. But then.., it came to me that it seemed like I could remember waking up during the night and what happened - or a least what I thought happened. It was so vague that it might have just been a dream, but it seemed very real - especially in remembering the way he had turned away real fast at first but then.., thinking I was asleep.., had been unable to resist turning back. And.., the more I thought about it.., the more I became convinced that it hadn't been a dream at all but had really happened."

       "But do you know what..? Instead of it making me even more embarrassed.., thinking about Tom looking at my exposed breast while I was asleep started to make me feel kind of pleased and excited. It didn't get to be anything like the night before, but still.., I did begin to get a little bit tingly down there again, and I could feel my.., er, nipples getting hard. But, at the same time, I knew it would embarrass me to no end if Tom knew I was aware of how he had looked, and I knew it would embarrass him real bad also."

       "I couldn't just keep on laying there, though, so I sat up, gave a big yawn like I had just woke up, and then, trying to sound real casual and cheerful, called out - "Good morning". Tom looked around but was real tentative at first, and then.., a look of relief came over his face when he saw the that jacket was not only closed but, from the way I was acting, had sat up without being aware of how it had been. But, he was also blushing quite a bit, and he seemed to have trouble looking right at me like he was ashamed about something. I knew for certain then that I hadn't been dreaming. I felt my face starting to turn red, but I don't think Tom noticed since he was having trouble looking directly at me."

       The remainder of Lisa's and Tom's brief acquaintance had been largely uneventful - as least until the end. They left almost immediately after Lisa had gotten up, and, as Tom escorted Lisa home, his attention was primarily directed on constantly looking around for potential danger. But he also still appeared to be ashamed about something and made no attempt to start a conversation beyond making only a few brief comments.

       Lisa found herself not being in a talkative mood either. Tom's evasive manner had served to convince her even more that he had indeed done more than take a brief glance. This continued to excite her some, but, in the light of day, she was finding it extremely difficult in trying to come to grips with what had come over her the night before.

       She knew that she had been feeling deep gratitude toward Tom for what he had done, but the though of her finding herself actually wanting him to come over and rape her was beyond all comprehension - to say nothing of what she had done to actually encourage it. If fact, she found it to be so inconceivable that she began to wonder if the whole thing had just been some kind of weird dream. If it was, it was by far the most vivid dream she had ever had, but she had never been on the verge of being raped by a group of soldiers or experienced anything near that amount of sheer terror that this had caused.

       Tom and Lisa were halfway across the open ground leading to her house when her mother rushed out the door carrying a rifle. She was yelling almost hysterically and screaming at Tom to get away from her daughter. Tom held up both hands trying to show he meant no harm, and Lisa jumped in front of him and called out trying to tell her mother that everything was all-right. But their efforts had no effect on her mother's frantic behavior, and she started firing the rifle in the air while still yelling at Tom to get away. Tom saw no alternative but to comply and, after mumbling that he had to be going anyway, turned and made a hasty retreat back toward the woods - leaving Lisa, still wearing his jacket, staring after him in dismay.

       Lisa's mother rushed up, still in a state of near hysteria, asking Lisa if she was all right and what had that "bastard" done to her? But, instead of trying to assure her mother that she was unharmed, Lisa, seeing Tom disappearing in the woods, turned and yelled in anger, "Well.., he's gone! I hope you’re satisfied!" Her mother, having never been victim to such an angry outburst from her daughter, was taken aback. "What..? You didn't want him to leave..?" She asked in a shocked tone. "After everything I've told you about how dangerous soldiers can be..?" A look of suspicion then came over her mother's face. "You've been out all night, and I've been worried sick. Were you with that soldier all of that time..? Just what have you been up to young lady?"

       It was Lisa's turn to be taken aback. Although she was angry at her mother's hysteric actions in chasing Tom away without allowing an explanation, she could understand her mother going into a panic thinking her daughter was in danger. But now, her mother had suddenly become angry, and, with Tom gone and being able to see she was unharmed, Lisa could see no reason for her mother to be angry."

       "What do you mean?" Lisa asked in bewilderment. "Just what I said!" Her mother snapped. "I want to know exactly what you and that soldier did last night?" Lisa still had no idea what her mother was implying, but the accusing tone made Lisa's own anger swell once again. "Well.., we talked some..!" She shot back. "And after that I went to sleep while he stayed awake and keep watch." "Do you expect to believe that?" Her mother yelled. "Do you expect me to believe that you were with that soldier all night and that he didn't try anything? That all he did was just talk? That's about the most unlikely story I’ve ever heard."

       It finally dawned on Lisa what her mother was implying, and her anger turned to outrage at the thought of Tom being so unjustly accused after what he had done. "Do you mean - did he rape me?" She screamed. "No..! He didn't rape me..! And he didn't try to rape me either..! But six other soldiers did..! They grabbed me and pulled me in an alley and pushed me down.. And.., and one of them grabbed my blouse so hard that it ripped. But then Tom came up and made him stop and told all of them to go away. They were pointing guns at each other, and Tom was so outnumbered that if shooting had started he would surely have been killed. But he just stood there, and it was the others that got afraid and they left."

       "That soldier you were just yelling and shooting at saved me from being raped, and he risked his own life doing it. And then he risked it again to shield me in a bombing raid. If he hadn't come by, even if the other soldiers hadn't killed me after they finished raping me, they would have left me lying right where one of the bombs fell. Either way.., I would be dead if it wasn't for him."

       Fury continued to flash in Lisa's eyes as her rage mounted. "When the bombing finally ended it was getting too dark to risk being outside so we stayed in a bombed out building. All we did was sit on the floor and talk. And do you know what? I found out that not only was he very nice but that he was also very shy. He didn't try to do anything. It even embarrassed him when he saw my blouse was torn, and he gave me his jacket to put on. He stayed up all night watching for danger, and when the sun came up he brought me home. And what thanks does he get from my loving mother for all of this? None..! That's what..! None..! You come running out screaming and shooting without even giving us a chance to explain. Well..! I've told you what happened, and, frankly.., I don't care if you believe it or not..! If he had raped me do you really think he would then bring me home..? Do you..? Do I look like I've been raped when you can see I haven't been beaten-up..? He certainly had plenty of opportunity if he had wanted. But he didn't. But, I.., I.."

       Lisa stopped in mid-sentence and turned and fled toward the house leaving her mother staring after her in stunned silence. Then, with a start her mother realized that Lisa's outburst had been far too emotional not to be believed. Tears flooded in her mothers eyes, and her hand went to her mouth in anguish at the sudden realization of what a horrifying experience her daughter must have gone through. She started running after Lisa and caught up to her just before reaching door. She flung her arms around Lisa and held her close with tears running from her eyes and saying - "My poor baby..! Oh my poor baby..! I'm sorry..! I'm so sorry..! Please.., please forgive me!"

       Lisa's anger quickly faded, and she returned her mothers embrace. They stood this way for a long time with both weeping softly. When they finally parted they both felt that the moment had been served without it being necessary to say anything else.

       In the days that followed, although remaining on both of their minds, the subject was not mentioned. One of the reasons for silence on the part of Lisa's mother had been due to being ashamed of her heartless and cruel accusations. The main reason, however, had been because she feared that attempting to bring the subject up might rekindle the extreme terror her daughter had experienced, and, in so doing, cause severe damage to Lisa's brave attempt to control what must surely be a deep-seated trauma. The fact that Lisa seemed to have no desire to bring the matter up either only served to convince her mother that such was the case and that not discussing it was for the best.

       Lisa's reluctance to talk about what had happened, however, had nothing to do with trying to suppress a deep-seated trauma. She did indeed have moments of reliving the terror she had experienced, but most of her thoughts were of being confused about the strange excitement and other emotions she had experienced and of the awful things she had done because of them. She had been afraid that if she started talking about any of what had occurred that something might slip which would lead to her shameful actions being revealed. She could well imagine her mother's shock and anger if she were to ever find out.

       It had already almost happened once, and Lisa had no intention of giving it a second chance. She would shudder even thinking about how close she had come when, in her angry outburst after saying that Tom didn't rape her she had almost blurted out - "But I wish he had!" And to make it even worse, even though at the time her motive had only been to lash out and hurt, she later came to realized she would have been speaking the truth - that she had indeed been wishing that Tom had raped her, and, for that mater, at times, still did.

       Surely, continuing to have such a totally insane desire must mean that there was something terribly wrong with her - and it must have been for a long time. Why else would she have done all of those naughty things to that dead soldier and experience the excitement that had been caused when thinking about it afterward.

      It did not help Lisa's low frame of mind when she found that although most of her thoughts of Tom were of tenderness and gratitude that, at times, she would find herself imagining him with no clothes and trying to picture what he would look like down there – especially what it would like if it was stiff. When these times came, she would get real excited, and the tingling sensations in this part of her body would come again. The same thing also happened whenever she thought about Tom looking at her exposed breast while she had been asleep. Yes, surely indeed, she was a very wicked girl.

       The passage of time eased Lisa's low self-esteem, however, and her life returned to normal after a few months. It helped that, after a time, she was able to make a strong resolve to stop thinking about Tom in ways that were naughty. It took a determined effort, but she was successful in diminishing the frequency of the occurrences until they seldom took place, and, even when they did, she would soon catch herself and start thinking about something else which would keep excitement of any extent from being generated.

       Her efforts to stop thinking about the fact that Tom had seen her exposed breast proved to be less successful. This, after all, was something that had actually happened and, as such, was not something that could simply be forgotten as though it had never occurred. But, although remembering it still caused her to get excited, it was in a way that was different, and a warm feeling would come over her in thinking that the two of them had shared an intimate moment together.

       It mattered little that he had thought her to be asleep during the brief time she had been partially awake and that she had indeed been asleep for however long it had lasted afterward. In fact, this only seemed to make it that much more intimate because it was only in this way that she had managed to bring him pleasure. And, in spite of how he had acted the following morning, she felt sure that, at the time, he had indeed found it pleasant. And, after all he had done for her, if she had been able to bring him pleasure in this manner, it was surely something that he deserved and for which she felt a warm tenderness at having provided. And, strangely enough, it was in a way that did not make her feel the least bit naughty.

       Lisa had, of course, thought of Tom in other ways. She would often think about how they had sat and talked long into the night and fondly remember how his remarkable strength and courage had been so contrasted by his mild and shy manner. And she found herself caring about him and worrying for his welfare. She had been well aware that she had come to feel tenderness toward him in a way that she had never felt for anyone before. But she didn't let these feelings bother her even if he was a soldier. It would be hard not to feel deep gratitude for anyone that had that done what he had, and she was sure that this was the reason for how she felt - simple gratitude and nothing else.

       Sometimes though, especially at night, Lisa’s thoughts of Tom would make her start feeling an extra special tenderness toward him, and, although there was nothing about them that could be called naughty, she would still get a slight tingly feeling down there. But, it was somehow different than on the other occasions, and, although she didn't understand the reason, there had been be a warmth about it that made to seem there was nothing in it that could be called wrong.

       The Supreme Commander's eyes had become moist and a sadness come in her heart as she listened to the shy manner this innocent girl tried to describe feelings for which she did not even understand. But, it would serve no purpose to try and explain feelings that come when falling deeply in love. Lisa would never have the opportunity to experience the joy and happiness that it could bring when the love was equally returned, and telling it to her would only make the loss she had suffered all the more painful to endure.