part 2....the stalking
DEDHeather94: seriously....I feel the walls closing in
PyroMania44: You have very little time left
DEDHeather94: I can feel that
PyroMania44: You're this close to being a rape victim IRL
DEDHeather94: how close? thisclose?
PyroMania44: ThisClose
DEDHeather94: oh shit...capitals and everything
PyroMania44: I hope you're preparing
DEDHeather94: jesus...how?
PyroMania44 Praying may help. Because you don't know how far I
intend to take this
DEDHeather94: god wouldn't listen to me now...
PyroMania44: He listens. He may be watching to see how far I go
as well. It will be a good show.
DEDHeather94: and i know i don't....that's part of my terror, but
not all
PyroMania44: If I survive the drive, the rest will be gravy.
That's what I'm really scared of. Getting lost and not finding you.
Once I do, you should be easy.
DEDHeather94: i bought another dress today. like the other one
but sort of an olive green. not so slutty a color i guess
PyroMania44: Which one do I get to rip off?
DEDHeather94: well gee...i wish you wouldn't rip either one
PyroMania44: Yes, cutting is better
PyroMania44: I don't really care. If it's in the way, away it
goes
DEDHeather94: brb....gotta pee
DEDHeather94: back
PyroMania44: Feel better now?
DEDHeather94: much...thanks :)
PyroMania44: I have been thinking about how to let you pee when
you're in my care.
DEDHeather94: holy shit!! how long do you intend to hold me?
PyroMania44: I'm not saying, but it may be much longer than you
are expecting
DEDHeather94: ok well...you know my situation. you know i can't
prevent anyone else from calling the cops in a panic if i'm missing
for too long. I'll just have to trust you i guess
PyroMania44: Things can be arranged. That's all I'm saying about
that.
DEDHeather94: man...please just don't make me have to tell people
i was abducted.. i won't admit knowing who it was, but i couldn't
bear it. don't make me have to tell anybody something like that
happened to me
PyroMania44: You don't have to say anything about an abduction.
DEDHeather94: i don't know what to say now
PyroMania44: You'll just have to wait and see what happens. You
don't know, and you won't until it happens to you.
DEDHeather94: i know that
PyroMania44: I like to keep you in suspense
DEDHeather94: well you've had me that way for quite some time
now. I hope you're happy
PyroMania44: I'll be happy when I finally have you in my
clutches, at my mercy. Then I'll be ecstatic.
DEDHeather94: I don't know how cruel you are at physical torture
but I hope it's not as bad as your mental torture of me
PyroMania44: In a way, the mental torture is more effective. I
can torture you without even being there.
DEDHeather94: that's what i'm sayin
DEDHeather94: and it's gone on a long time
PyroMania44: I hope it will continue. Because even if I strike
once, it may not be the end. It probably won't.
DEDHeather94: yes...you've mentioned that
PyroMania44: You could be my victim forever
PyroMania44: I could even move out there to make it more
convenient
DEDHeather94: ohlord....is this your twisted way of asking me to
go steady? (lol...very nervous laugh...just kidding dude)
PyroMania44: My steady sex slave, yes
DEDHeather94: omigod
PyroMania44: It could happen
PyroMania44: What time do you get out at night?
DEDHeather94: we close at 7
DEDHeather94: my time
PyroMania44: I know
DEDHeather94: then why'd you ask?
PyroMania44: How long does it take to close the store?
DEDHeather94: well, it depends on what i have to do. On Wednesday
nights for instance, I have to stay to fax the reports to the main
office since I'm off Thursday and can't do it Thurs. morning
DEDHeather94: sometimes 10 after...sometimes more
PyroMania44: I was expecting that
DEDHeather94: also depends on if we have any last minute
stragglers
DEDHeather94: not too many of those lately thank god
DEDHeather94: some nights i leave right at 7 or just a little bit
after
PyroMania44: I will look for you
DEDHeather94: when?
DEDHeather94: sorry...couldn't resist
PyroMania44: Not saying, you stupid bitch
DEDHeather94: dang.....the hostility...
PyroMania44: I need to build it up. I may re-read that "You
don't just suck, you swallow" e-mail you sent.
DEDHeather94: dude I didn't say that!
PyroMania44: Or was it an IM? Oh yes, you did!
DEDHeather94: well i was probably clownin with ya
PyroMania44: You were pissed at me
DEDHeather94: well then you probably deserved it
PyroMania44: Yes, keep talking like that. My stun gun is fully
charged.
DEDHeather94: uhhh.... "shut UP Heather!!!"....sorry man...really
PyroMania44: I'm not sorry. I just decided you will get it now
DEDHeather94: NO!!!
PyroMania44: I was toying with not using it
PyroMania44: Now I will
DEDHeather94: dave no, please!!!!
PyroMania44: I'll be seeing you, bitch
I'd really done it now.....With that, he was offline for the
night and would no longer hear my pleas. The stun-gun scared me
badly. Would he really use such a thing on me?
He wasn't online at all the next day....I knew because he
hadn't read what I'd sent him...
jesuschrist....oh man, you're all hostile again. ohplease i'm not
bullshitting here.. please don't hurt me... I can feel you getting
closer and yes i'm fucking scared
That letter remained unread all day Tuesday. I found that very
ominous and, too late, I began to wish fervently that I'd stopped
this madness a long time ago. We'd been online friends for nearly a
year, but what did I really know about him??
Wednesday morning I dressed carefully. I did my hair and
makeup with a careful eye as well. I knew he was coming that day--
not to grab me most likely, but to stalk.....to watch me as I left
work and follow me home so he would finally have the address I'd
refused to just give away. Heather was whispering to me that if he's
going to be watching me, I should at least give him something good to
watch.
When I went home for lunch, eyes darting to my rearview more
times than usual to see if I was being followed, I began shaking
when I saw he still hadn't opened his mail, and wrote him this...
Omigod....you're here aren't you?
You haven't opened what I sent you last night....I'm scared. ohgod
i'm so fucking scared.
If you are here, then I know you won't see this till after it's
done. oh what the fuck have i gotten myself into. Ok, well, I know
you promised not to kill me but you surely understand that since now
the moment seems to be at hand I'm terrified that you could be a
psycho killer after all. I mean what the fuck do I really know about
you?? I'm so stupid. But know this.....If I'm a corpse and you're
reading this with my blood on your hands then I swear to god if
there's any way possible for such things I will haunt you forever and
ever.
Ok...so I knew he probably wouldn't shake in his boots were he to
read it, but if he murdered me after all I was hoping it would at
least creep him out. I felt somewhat silly for sending it, but I
really was scared.
My day off is Thursday. He knew that of course. My husband
would be at work, my daughter miles away. I would be alone. During
one of our conversations he gave me a choice--he wouldn't come to my
home and grab me (I'd already told him I'd be too scared to answer
the door anyway, and he probably thought breaking the door down would
be too risky) if I did one thing. He said he was going to call me
early on the day of reckoning--and I'd damn well better be ready--and
instruct me where to meet him. If I didn't show up, he swore he
would come to my home and grab me forcefully and that I didn't want
that. He said I could get hurt, maybe quite badly if I made him come
after me. At this point, he didn't know where I lived still, but if
he showed up at my store I knew that would quickly change.
For the most part, I was fairly calm that Wednesday. At
least during the early hours. Even if he were here already, I didn't
expect that he'd be hanging around all day. He knew what time my
store closed. Still, I couldn't help scanning the nearby WalMart
parking lot whenever I had a cigarette. The back door of my store
looks directly on it, and it would be an excellent place to sit while
stalking someone inside. I was getting more and more scared with
each passing hour. I couldn't focus on anything that day but the man
whose presence I could feel getting closer and closer. When one of
the women I work with wished me a wonderful day off as she was
leaving I nearly cried.
It was about twenty minutes before closing when I laid eyes
on Dave for the first time. I lit my cigarette, opened the back door
and nearly fainted. I didn't see him sitting in a car as I had
expected. Instead, I saw a man on foot, coming from around the
building. His hair was dark...he wore shorts, a t-shirt and
sneakers. His head was down as if in deep thought, so I couldn't see
his eyes, but I saw enough of his face that recognition and shock
made me want to scream, but I was frozen to the spot. With horror, I
saw that he was walking straight toward me!! His head was still
down, so I was sure he hadn't seen me yet, but the merest shift of
his eyes would reveal me to him--only a scant few yards away. What
was he doing, I wondered with real fright. (later he told me he was
looking into my car to see what I kept in there--probably checking
for weapons).
As he got closer my paralysis broke. I stepped backwards
into the store with a small gasp, pulling the door closed quickly but
quietly, then twisted the lock. I stood there a few moments--my
heart pounding loudly. I don't know how long. I was shaking,
disoriented. I began to question what I'd just seen. Was that
really him? The man outside looked somewhat different than the one
picture of him I had. I expected that of course, but the face. The
face was his. I was sure of it. I wondered if perhaps I was seeing
things; if all the stress of the past few weeks were catching up to
me.
Before my cigarette was even halfway smoked, I had to look
again. Fearful that he could possibly be on the other side ready to
grab me (although grabbing me from my store seemed unlikely and way
more risky than I imagined he would want--still fear like that has no
logic), I eased the door open slowly--ready to slam it again quickly
were he still there. Seeing no one standing there, or nearby, I
opened it a little further and scanned the parking lot.
I saw him immediately. He was sitting in a small new-looking
car--the make and model of which I had no clue, nor did I care. He
was right there in WalMart's parking lot...waiting for my store to
close. Waiting to follow me home. I couldn't tell that much about
his features from that distance of maybe ten yards or so...but I knew
it was him. I could also tell he was looking right at me. I thought
I could even see him smiling.
Thus began one of the most fearful, torturous nights I've
ever known.
I could barely concentrate on the routine closing
procedures. Totally unnerved, I sent the girl working with me that
night home early--right after I saw him in fact. I was fairly sure
he had no interest in harming anyone else, but why take chances? Her
boyfriend and his friend happened to be there at the time and I felt
much better knowing she'd be leaving with two guys. If Dave was
really dangerous, this had to be between him and me.
When I finished and locked up for the night, I could feel him
watching me as I walked to my car. I was trapped and I knew it. I
didn't even know how to lose anybody in a car, and truthfully I was
afraid to even try--knowing his wrath would be much worse if I tried
something like that and failed. I couldn't just not go home. I sat
in my car a while--nervously looking over at his every once in a
while. I couldn't see his face anymore from where I was, but he was
still there all right...just waiting for me to start moving. Before
I obliged him, I lit a roach and sat smoking, trying to settle my
nerves. For once, the weed failed me. I began to feel the familiar
high, but it did nothing to soothe me. I'm sure nothing would have
helped.
When I could put it off no longer, I pulled out of my parking
place. He was also pulling out of his. I didn't plan to go straight
home, however. I needed to stop at the grocery store. Sometimes I
would get my groceries at that Wal-Mart, since it was so convenient.
That night, I wasn't about to walk across that parking lot--for NO
money! I began heading toward the direction of another grocery I
went to often. Sure enough, he got directly behind me and stayed
behind me all the way there. He wasn't even trying to be subtle. It
was so obvious--he wanted me to see him...to know he was keeping up
with me, and would continue to do so if I had a hundred stops to
make...even if it took all night. I knew him pretty well by now you
see--I at least knew what thrilled him, and I knew he was enjoying my
fear. He wanted me to know there was no escape.
At the grocery, he parked several rows away from me. I
finally saw the Ohio plates on his car, and if I'd had any doubts
before, I didn't then. It was him all right. I felt his eyes on me
like a physical touch as I walked the distance across the parking lot
into the grocery store. Being perversely female even at the height
of my terror, I couldn't help wondering , after all this buildup and
stalking on his part, if he liked what he saw. He had many pictures
of me, but people always look different in real life, and I'd
considered my pictures to be prettier than the real me. Was I what
he expected? What he wanted? I was somewhat annoyed with myself for
thinking that way. Like I was thinking of myself as merchandise or
something. What did I care what he thought? After all, if he didn't
like how I looked, he could damn well go back to Ohio and leave me
alone, I thought with panicky defiance.
Trying to shop for the family's food like everything was fine
was beyond strange. At least twice I felt like I was going to
faint. I clung to the handle of my shopping cart when I felt my
legs go weak and the edges of my vision darkening. Gritting my teeth
I began taking deep breaths...telling myself to calm down or I'd
never make it. The reality was truly hitting me now--and hard. I
had been half-expecting him, true, simply because he'd sounded so
determined--and angry. Of course I knew what his intentions were for
me. He'd spelled it out often enough. But up until there was no
doubt that he was here, I don't think I really got it. Until he was
was actually here, his threats were still only words, no matter how
much I thought I believed he was coming, no matter how nervous or
even turned-on the thought of his coming here made me, it could never
be truly real till he was here. Now I was face-to-face with my
online life--with my darkest fantasies. It had become real. He was
real. No longer words on a screen and one picture anymore; he was a
real flesh-and-blood man who'd come a long way to claim me as his
victim. Now that he was here, I knew he wouldn't leave until he had
me--hurt me--heard my screams of pain. Maybe even spill my blood for
all I knew.
It was frightening enough realizing I was going to be raped.
This man, who I called a friend online, was really a stranger to me.
We'd only just laid eyes on each other that day and from a distance
too. now this stranger was going to force himself on me, into
me...was going to use my body roughly..."visciously" he'd said. Yes,
that was scary enough knowing the secret, most intimate part of me
would be plundered and invaded and used for the amusement of someone
I barely knew. However, I already knew that raping me wasn't going
to be enough for him. The very word "torture" conjured up images of
unimaginable cruelty and unbearable pain. To say I was terrified
would be putting it mildly.
Faced with the surety this was all going to happen, I didn't
even feel the arousal that always follows the fear in fantasy. I was
too scared . This was just too real.
Apparently he wasn't disappointed with what he saw or else he
wanted a closer look, or most likely just wanted to terrorize me as
much as possible, because when I pushed my cart full of bagged
groceries toward my car, I nearly died when I saw him parked right
beside my car. He was smiling at me.
I had that fainting sensation again. My heart was slamming
against my chest--like it was screaming at me to RUN! RUN!!! I
didn't get a large amount of groceries that night...I was barely able
to concentrate on what I did get. I'd only intended to put them in
the back seat, but his car was so close! Close enough where he could
easily zap me and pull me inside. I told myself to calm down as I
opened the trunk and began throwing the groceries in there instead.
I was fairly sure he wasn't planning to grab me ....oh but he was so
damn close. What if he changed his mind and decided not to wait? I
didn't dare meet his eyes for fear he would pounce.
I felt his eyes on me worse than ever. Reality had totally
shifted for me. My secret life that existed only online--the game
I'd allowed myself to play--was now out of the computer and in my
real life. The shock of that hit me harder than I could have
predicted.
I hurriedly slipped past his door, so damn close to mine, and
into my car like when I was a kid....running, sometimes leaping,
past my bed in the dead of night when I'd wake up and have to go to
the bathroom...sure that something was under there waiting to grab me
and pull me under. I now moved like something hunted--and that's
what I was. I was prey. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see
him staring at me--still smiling. Still keeping my eyes averted, I
locked my doors and put up my window.
I felt oddly resigned as he followed me closely the rest of
the way home. He even
had the brass to sit across the street in front of my house, watching
me get my things from the car.
Somewhat safe now that I was home and knowing my husband
would be out soon to help me bring in the food, I stood and watched
as his car slowly glided down my street, pulling into a driveway. I
didn't wait for him to cruise past again; I went into the house. My
husband went out to get the groceries. I couldn't help but wonder if
he was being watched as well.
