part 3....a night of terror
I'd managed to get home without being abducted, but
that only confirmed what I already knew. Tomorrow was coming, and
tomorrow was to be my day of reckoning. There was truly no escape
now. Dave had come a long way, and he'd found me fair and square. I
knew that he wouldn't leave until he'd collected. There really
wasn't anything I could do to stop it--at least not without making
things worse. I knew that the only thing I could do was try to keep
my head, go through with it and hope I'd be ok when it was over.
My husband was in a good mood for once that night. He'd just
gotten word that he'd be getting the raise he'd wanted. To celebrate,
he'd bought a new cd. Actually it was an old cd--Limp Bizkit's first
one. He was raving about the last song on it and how I just had to
get high and listen to it with him. Of course, I couldn't possibly
tell him what was up. He was the last person I wanted to know. I
felt nearly sick with guilt as he talked about what a great day it
had been, and joked how tomorrow was bound to suck. Oh God, how
could I have let things go so far? I wanted to cry. Instead, I beat
a hasty retreat to the bathroom, pleading the need for a shower. I
was feeling nearly insane trying to act like everything was fine and
that today was a day like any other. I needed to be alone to at
least try to pull myself together.
"Well hurry uuuuup!!" I could hear his impatient voice
outside the door.
All through that long shower, I shivered in the hot spray and
couldn't stop thinking of my fate which was now sealed beyond all
hope. I was perfectly safe in my home right now, and would be all
night. After all, my strong husband was in the other room--pouting
impatiently for me to finish so he could share his new musical
discovery with me. He was blissfully unaware that anything was
wrong. Nothing would happen to me while he was there, so that night,
at least, I was safe. Yet I was as neatly trapped as any animal in a
cage. Dave already had me captured. We both knew the rest would be
easy.
The reality kept punching me...this was real. Tomorrow I
would be taken, raped and....oh I couldn't even imagine what else.
My mind still couldn't get around the concept of torture. What kind
of pain would I be forced to endure? I remember clinging to the wash
cloth tightly...holding it to my face; whimpering silently while my
mind was wailing loudly...."what is he going to do to me???"
And just where was Heather?? She was that part of me who
craved this fear, who was aroused by it...who fucking lived for it.
Where was Heather the fear junkie now? I looked inside myself
desperately to find her. She could handle the fear...I wasn't sure I
could. Unfortunately it seemed she'd deserted me for the time
being. During one of my crazier moments before leaving the shower I
whispered fiercely to myself..."Heather, you fucking bitch!! You got
me into this, so you'd damn well better be around tomorrow!"
I'm really not sure how I managed to get thru that night.
There were times I was so scared of the coming day that if I could've
stopped time I would have. But time doesn't stop. I was helpless to
stop the hours from passing...bringing me closer, ever closer to my
fate.
The song my husband was dying to play for me that night only
added to my growing sense of unreality and doom. It was
called "Everything". It was truly a modern masterpiece--mostly
instrumental and least 15 minutes long. I can never hear it now
without remembering that night--the dread, the fear. The bizarre
tune, mostly sedate, very psychedelic, spoke to me of fear...it spoke
to me of beauty...and of sadness....but mostly it spoke of
fear...causing me to nearly vibrate with it. It's really all I could
feel.
I tried to relax, to allow the weed and the music to weave
themselves together and flow thru me. That's when Heather finally
made her presence known. She tried to help--whispering to me that I
should let the fear flow thru me as well. "Use it", she said. "Let
it turn us on like it always does--don't let it bunch itself into a
knot". I tried...for a short time it even worked. I could think of
the coming day and begin to feel aroused...slightly. The fear that
wouldn't go away became the music I was hearing and began to flow
through me. But that didn't work for long. The fear would eventually
bunch up again and short-circuit everything. It was hopeless--this
wasn't fantasy anymore. That fear-and-sex bullshit just wouldn't fly
now, I was sure.
When I was finally alone, late that night, I sat down and
wrote to Dave, even though he wouldn't see it till it was all over.
I simply had no one else to speak of these fears to. After all, who
else besides my old friend could appreciate this??
Subj: this can't be happening...
Date: 8/17/00
To: Pyromania44
...but it is.
Yes I fucking saw you. You made damn sure I saw you and it didn't
take me long to understand why. You want me as terrified and
terrorized as I can be. Ok it worked. Knowing you're here and just
waiting a matter of hours now ...ohgod I feel like a caged animal
waiting for slaughter. There's no escape and I know that. I can't
even tell anybody because I helped bring this on myself. You know
exactly where I live now and I couldn't do anything about it. You've
lived part 1 of your dream. In a short amount of time you're going
to rape me brutally and no doubt torture me as well. I won't be able
to do anything about that either.
I didn't even think my detour to Kroger would bother you...just gave
you longer to savor the moments of watching your prey. Your fucking
smile was certainly wide enough to make me think you were having a
good time....enjoying the fear I couldn't hide at seeing you so close
to my car. I was terrified you were going to snatch me then and
there. I can't believe you were so bold.
I saw you before I ever left the parking lot. Damn, you weren't even
trying to hide yourself--you wanted me to see you from the start. I
knew it was you even behind your shades. I saw you following me all
the way from work. And when I saw your car right next to
mine...well, I was quietly having a meltdown. I had already nearly
fainted in Kroger because I knew you were here. I'm talking about
really fainting. That's not just a figure of speech. I came out and
there you sat right next to my fucking car grinning like a lunatic.
I'm sure you'll forgive me for trying to pretend I didn't see you.
At that moment you were SO not my friend Dave. You were the Dark
One, Vile Gamer, hell maybe even Jack the Ripper for all I fucking
know. I was way too scared to let you know I saw you and knew who
you were. I feared you would pounce at the first eye contact I
allowed.
I can't remember when I've been so fucking scared. Those letters you
sent me scared me. It scared me when you spoke of your plans so
often and it scared the hell out of me when you were hostile. But
none of that was anything compared to how scared I am now. You are
going to LOVE reading these notes when you get back I'm sure. Think
of them as a bonus I guess.
You're a stalker now. Very shortly you're going to be a rapist--
mine. OHGOD I DON'T WANT TO GO THRU WITH THIS!!!!! And it's too
fucking late now. I knew this would happen to me. I knew if you
actually really did make it here that I would be so fucking scared
I'd want to run away. I am totally that fucking scared. And I know
I can't run. I could maybe elude you this time...stay away from home
till you were forced to give up and go back, because of your job or
whatever. But I'm way too afraid of what you'd eventually do if I
tried to run. You could always come back and now you know where I
live. I'm so fucked. Oh I can't believe things have gotten this
far...that I've allowed them to get this far. All I can do is hope
you don't hurt me too much.
This may be the last letter from me for a while. I don't know. I
don't know what kind of shape I'll be in mentally or physically when
this is over. I don't even really know if I'm going to live thru
this. I know you promised. And I believed you. But holy shit...now
that you're really here and it's only a matter of hours before the
real taking of heather--well you can't blame me for the thoughts that
scream at me in moments of panic "so WHAT if he promised??? would
he really admit it??" But as I feel my fate closing in on me now
till it's hard to breathe, I realize it doesn't matter....whatever's
going to happen is totally out of my hands now.
Dammit that was so sadistic of you to make sure I saw you. To drag
out my mental torture and put it on a whole new level.
I have to go now, but I doubt there'll be much sleep for me this
night.
Yours Later I guess
Heather
********
"Did you enjoy seeing me yesterday?", the voice on the phone
enquired pleasantly. I knew the voice. I'd been expecting it.
He called promptly at 9 a.m. I was alone. My appearance, at
least, was ready. I wore an olive green dress, black thigh high
stockings, black heels.
My eyes looked too big, and scared, but perfectly made up.
My lips were trembling, but fetching with the dark lipstick I wore.
My long dark hair was hanging in rippling waves past my shoulders.
The final touches were a black satiny choker with a spatter of
rhinestones, and a silver ankle bracelet. Yes Mr. Rapist, your
package is ready.
"You know...you're sexy when you're scared", he taunted.
Some crazed part of me, Heather maybe, wanted to shriek hysterical
laughter and shout "Well then I must be a sexy motherfucker NOW!!!" ,
but of course I wasn't even close to laughing. The only sound I was
able to manage was the sound of my breath--growing ragged from trying
to breathe thru the panic.
"Ok Heather...here's what I want you to do..." He was all-
business now as he delivered my instructions. "Brush your teeth,
because I don't want to smell smoke" (he hated that I smoked..still
does), "do you look pretty for me?"
"Yeah..." I said uncertainly. I'd done all I could anyway.
It would have to do.
"Good". He then proceeded to tell me where to meet him.
Not only was I terrified of what was to happen to me, I was
also uncomfortably aware that the spot he picked was nearby my
husband's job site. Looking back, it really wasn't all that near it,
but paranoia had been my constant companion for several weeks now and
it wasn't about to leave on this day especially. Timidly I asked if
we could meet somewhere else, the mall perhaps...?
"FUCK YOU!!!", he nearly screamed, causing me to jump, then
wince at how stupid I just was. He was obviously wired and probably
jumpy. It wouldn't do to get him angry.
"You don't dictate the terms here, Bitch!!"
"Ok...", I half-whispered apologetically.
"You go where I say you go! Have you got that??"
"Yes, ok....sorry", I could hear the fear in my own
voice...growing more pronounced as I heard the anger in his. Great,
I though absently. Less than two minutes and I've already pissed him
off.
"You have fifteen minutes. I wait fifteen minutes and if
you're not here I'm coming there. I know where you live Bitch!"
"Yes, I know...I.."
"I swear if you stand me up....", he left the threat open
long enough for me to answer,
"I won't, ok?"
Ohgodohgod...oh shit....my mind was racing, panicky.
"You don't want me to come get you!"
"No, I ....yes, I'll be there", my voice was shaking so badly
I could barely get the words out, yet I had to say something else,
whether it would do any good or not.
"Don't hurt me Dave....ok? Please? Please don't hurt
me..." Most of my plea came out in a whisper.
"That will depend on you", he said, sounding less angry,
almost kind.
"Ok", I exhaled with something like relief. I knew for sure
then that I would cooperate. Whatever he told me to do, I'd do it
and try not to anger him again. I just wanted to get through this as
unhurt as possible.
"Fifteen minutes" he said with finality, then hung up.
I knew I'd have plenty of time, so I checked the mirror one
more time, brushed my teeth as he ordered, re-applied my lipstick,
then left to deliver myself to my old friend who, out of the blue,
had decided to become my rapist.
In part 4....the abduction & the ride from Hell
Stay Tuned!!!
