 |
|||
|
|
The Path to My Dream
By ladybalddreamz
All my life I had been troubled by my clitoris. It would swell and ache even without stimulation of any kind, I could be getting on with my life not even thinking about sex and all of a sudden it would throb, ache, when I was at work I had to go in the toilets and masturbate to relive the tension. Yet when I had sex with a partner I did not always orgasm and some times orgasm took a long time to come, my clitoris was far too sensitive and at the wrong times. I would masturbate several times a day. I felt frustrated because even orgasm didn’t take away the tension and the need for more masturbation.
Eventually I went to seek medical advice. By this time I was in my early twenties.
I went to a local clinic and had a consultation with a doctor.
The doctor was female. She asked me to get on the table and as I did so she put on her gloves. I laid there with my legs open and she spread my outer labia. She pressed on the top of my clitoral hood with her finger and raised it; I felt my clit slide out, it was hot and aching again and to my great shame, Doctor's touch had made me wet. I was swelling up. I felt my face go red.
She did not seem concerned by my arousal on feeling the touch of latex gloves.
"You say you have been aching?"
There was a ball of tension in my belly. I knew this was my chance to further my efforts to make my idea a reality. I swallowed hard and spoke up.
"I get a lot of pain in my clitoris. It swells up all the time, its agony."
She pressed on it, and then pinched the organ lightly.
"Nooooo...”
I had given a groan of pleasure and then shame washed over me again and I started to cry.
"It hurts I can't help it!" I exclaimed, "It's like this all the time, and sometimes it swells so much I fell like the skin covering it is going to split!"
"Your hood is rather small." She remarked, pinning it back with her fingertips, "And your clitoris is rather large and engorged. I can see you have been trying to relieve the tension yourself, the area is very red. Do you rub it a lot?"
My heart was racing.
"Yes, too much. It doesn't help. Is there...any treatment you can offer?"
"There is, yes." She replied, "I am going to give you some cream to numb the area. I want you to apply it every time you become inconveniently aroused. And I would like you to see a counsellor to talk about ways of healing with your unpleasant symptoms because I can see that they cause you distress."
I felt my heart sink as I sat up.
"Is there anything else you can offer? I just want it to stop."
"How long have you been suffering like this?"
"Since puberty, it has been getting worse as I've got older."
I finished getting dressed while she wrote the prescription.
"Would you sit down for a moment, please?" She said.
I sat down and looked at her across the desk.
"I think you have something called Constant Arousal Syndrome. I am going to refer you to a specialist colleague of mine who can talk over other options with you. How would you feel about the possibility of an operation?"
My cunt throbbed and I knew this time my arousal was genuine but my clit ached so badly all I could do was take a deep breath and try and keep calm.
"Operation?"
"Well the clitoris can be slightly desensitisted, or the hood and be cut back or reduced. Please do not worry, you can talk it all over with the counsellor and decide what you want to do. It is up to you what treatment you opt for."
As she spoke I could see the look in her eyes- she seemed to understand how I was feeling.
"I am happy to have an operation if it cures my symptoms. I want to have them eradicated."
The doctor nodded, and then made some notes.
"All I can advise you to do is to see the counsellor and then the specialist at the hospital."
I thanked her and left.
I visited the counsellor a week later. She was a woman in her forties and very quietly spoken. She invited me to sit down and tell her what was troubling me. I began to describe the symptoms I had.
"So this distresses you."
"Yes."
"Has the anaesthetic cream helped at all?"
I felt my cheeks burning. It only helped if I used a lot of it and applied it on the hour; the slightest throb set it off again, aching for stimulation.
"No." I stated, "Not at all.”As soon as the cram wears off it starts to ache unbearably. And there is nothing arousing me. It is just my body doing it."
The woman nodded sympathetically.
"Well seeing the specialist is the right thing to do. If you have any worries come back to me."
"I don’t." I replied, "I'm hoping the specialist will have the answer."
And shortly after this I thanked her, and left.
Three weeks later a letter came through my door. I read it while I sat naked on my bed, legs open and I had just masturbated with one of my many vibrators - but my clit was erect and staying erect. Instead of numbing it down I allowed it to stay engorged despite the aching because the words excited me:
'Your appointment is at 10.00am on 21st May. I will be giving you a through examination of the external genitalia and inserting a probe just inside the vagina. This will show the inner dimensions of the clitoris and check for signs of abnormality. I will also be conducting tests to evaluate the sensitivity of the organ, and to determine the state of the surrounding tissues. There is discomfort associated with the procedure.
For this procedure you will be required to remove all clothing and please ensure the pubic area is completely shaved clean for reasons of medical hygiene and to aid visual inspection.'
I thought about it and felt apprehension but a thrill shot through me at the same time - I was going to be naked on a table, with my legs open and my cunt shaven bare! I rubbed between my legs and for once came very quickly. As I looked down at the throbbing cherry I wondered if he would decide to remove it. Removal of my clitoris had been something I had thought about for several years, I had seen pictures of women who had already had the procedure although the look had varied -I knew what I wanted but I knew I had to work towards it slowly; removal of the clitoris was not something many doctors recommended...
On the day of my appointment, I shaved thoroughly, all the way up to my rectum. I used a second razor to make sure I was really smooth for the doctor, perhaps hoping that it would silently show my keenness for this t happen. I went to the hospital and when the nurse called my name I tried not to jump up too keenly as I was led into the consultant’s office.
I sat there and looked at him. I had been hoping for a woman but my consultant was male, he was around fifty and very dark skinned. He looked through my notes and smiled at me.
"So you have C.A.S. and the cream is not working?"
This was my moment. I made my move.
"Not at all.” I stated, "It swells up even orgasm doesn’t help me. It just stays engorged."
"So it is clearly causing you distress. I will examine you now and see what we can do."
I undressed quickly, stripping naked. I climbed onto the table and realised that my slit was engorged vastly; the lips were protruding and my clit was enormous. I had a trail of wetness coming out but I could not hide it, so I let him put my legs in the leg rests and spread them wide apart. He glanced down at my slit but said nothing, first feeling my breasts and commenting that they were fine.
Then he moved to the bottom of the table, he looked again between my legs and then looked at my face. He could see I was blushing furiously.
"I think this attention is not helping that clitoris of yours." He said with amusement in his voice.
I smiled at him as he out on his gloves.
"Sorry, but when I get touched by doctors it just seems to get worse!"
He moved a box over to the table and switched it on, then plugged in a small probe and covered it with jelly.
"I am going to insert this in the vagina and see an image of the whole of your clitoris."
I nodded and lay there while he switched on the screen.
He paused to take a cloth and swiped it down my slit, sharply cleaning away the signs of my arousal. It made me gasp and suddenly the swollen tissues seemed very vulnerable as I lay there naked but I knew it was what I wanted to I relaxed and smiled again. He slid the probe inside my vagina and shifted it about. I saw on the screen an image of a long, thin mass.
"That is your clitoris." He remarked, "It is quite a large one, almost five inches in length and quite thick. Externally you are quite small but the organ is very large. You also have very rich blood supply to the area, it must be highly sensitive - too sensitive I would imagine."
"Yes it is." I said quietly.
He took out the probe. As it came out, so did a mixture of lube and juice. He looked at me and smiled.
"I think perhaps you did not need the lubricant. You are a very willing patient!"
As he spoke I smiled back and made the effort to open my legs a little wider. He noticed but said nothing.
I was wiped again, this time with a cold clear solution that stung and I gasped and blinked back tears.
"Stay calm, please." He stated, "I have to evaluate you now. This will be painful, I am sorry but you must keep still."
"Yes, Doctor." I whispered.
He pressed a buzzer and spoke into an intercom.
"Nurse, I need you to assist."
The nurse entered the room quickly and put on gloves. She glanced between my legs.
"I have to get you ready for the procedure. Keep still, please."
Fear and excitement ran through me as she took some cotton wool and parted my slit. She pressed it down and twisted it to remove all moisture and I yelled out sharply.
She disposed of the cotton wool and proceeded to clamp my outer labia open - something I was not expecting and as the jaws bit I gave a sob.
"There, there.” She said, "All be over soon."
She stood back and watched as the doctor picked up small rubber coated tongs. They were curved inwards and had small rubber covered spikes on the edge for gripping.
"You will expect pain and bruising after this and I am sorry to say more swelling but it is a necessary part of you evaluation."
I nodded and stayed silent.
"Get ready, deep breath." He told me.
I took a deep breath.
He pinned my hood back and slid the tongs either side of my clitoris. Then he closed them with a sharp snap and pain filled my groin.
“Keep calm.” He said.
“AAaaaaaaaaaaaarrgghh!” I groaned.
He pulled on my clitoris.
It was painful but strange, as if something was being drawn up between my pelvic bones.
Then he stopped. He released the clamp.
“Your clitoris is unusually large but with application of numbing cream should be manageable. You can get dressed.”
He took off the clamps.
I sat up and burst into tears.
“But it hurts!”
“I can not justify any other treatment. The only other treatment would be cosmetic reduction which would cost several thousands of pounds and have to be done privately.”
I refused to give in.
I sat on the examination table with my legs parted and tears streaming down my face.
“Please –I’ll do anything! I want surgery!”
He paused as he gathered my notes.
Then he looked t me.
“You want t discuss surgery?”
I nodded.
He looked at the nurse.
“You may leave us, Nurse.”
The nurse let the room.
The doctor locked the door behind her. He turned back to me and glanced thoughtfully between my legs, then walked back over t the table.
“Put your legs in the rests, please.”
I laid back and put my legs back wide apart in the metal leg rests. Tears were still running down my face and now I could not hold back.
“I have always wanted it cut! Please, doctor – I want the operation!”
He put on another pair of latex gloves.
“Shhh.” He said, “Let me take another look at you down below.”
“I don’t want it to ache I want –“
“Shhh!” He said again, and parted my aching lips. His gloved hand slid down my slit and I realised he was circling my clit with a finger.
“Ooooooohhh...”I groaned.
He stopped and slid two rigid fingers into my vagina firmly and rotated them.
All the while his eyes never left my groin.
“I can perhaps hep you – if you help me. I would very much like to cut a western woman, cut her severely – I can make this happen for you if you are compliant with my terms.”
I looked at him.
“Anything!”
He smiled and turned his fingers in my vagina again.
“I cannot circumcise you legally the way you want it unless we do it privately –an agreement between us I would very much like o have sex with you and play with your clitoris. Would you like a private exam?”
I nodded.
“Yes please, doctor, examine me!”
He laughed quietly and spread my cuntlips wide, then dipped his head between my legs.
“I shall see how sensitive your organ is.”
He licked the length of my slit.
“Arrrgh!” I yelled, bucking my hips.
His tongue battered my swollen clit and I came fast, gasping as I lay on the table...
He withdrew his fingers from my vagina.
“I have colleagues who would like very much to have your surgery filmed.” He told me, “I take it you would like the whole organ removed?”
“I want the inner lips clipped off and the hood and at least ninety percent of the clitoris.” I told him, “I want to keep a tiny bit back so I can still come…over what you have done to me!”
He still had my cunt spread. He looked at it thoughtfully.
“I can take the inner labia and the hood, I can draw out the clitoris and cut off most of it ad leave a small stump. The stump will not have much feeling after the cutting and stitching. Is this suitable?”
I nodded, feeling a thrill run through me and as it did so more fluid ran from my vagina. He unzipped his trousers and took out his cock. I stayed motionless as he slid it in my vagina then drew it out again.
He rubbed his cock up and down my anal opening and pushed the head against it.
“Aaaaaarrgh!” My body tensed.
He stopped, pulled away, still with his erection hanging free and took up some lube. He squirted a good handful on his gloved hand.
“You came here for a genital exam but you will be going home with a muscle stretch!”
I took a deep breath.
“You know best, Doctor.” I said and smiled.
He parted my buttocks and narrowed his hand. He pushed it in brutally. I screamed loudly as my rectum seemed to burst, his hand slithered in bullying the muscle wide and he gave his hand a firm twist I felt as if I had the whole world in there, but my clit was staining to burst again and as it throbbed I moaned, then drew in a sharp breath.
“Ooohhhhhh…” I complained.
He took his handout and slid his cock in, this time there was no resistance, his cock slipped out and he hand to hold it as he thrusted, my ruined hole just gaped and I got over the ain by thinking abut his promise. He came fast, grunting as he filled my anus with semen. He pulled out quickly and put his cock away before wiping my burning hole.
“You will come back one week from today at six in the evening, be shaven and you must not eat for twenty fur hours beforehand. You will be given a room to recover in at the hospital and I will write on your notes you are to undergo surgery for cancerous cells on the vulva.”
I climbed off the table and even though my anus was burning and my legs were shaking, I hugged him.
“Thank you so much!”
The doctor kissed me then pulled away.
“Next time we meet it will be for your operation. If you change your mind you must call me and I will cancel.”
“I won’t change my mind!”
“Then I shall see you in one week.” He replied.
The wait was agony; I counted down the days….
One week after I returned, shaved smooth and hungry because I had not eaten. After a short wait I was taken by a nurse to a prep room where my bald cunt was washed and scrubbed with soap before my cunt was smeared in iodine. The nurse was quiet and sympathetic, thinking I was going through this out of necessity.
I felt nervous but elated.
Then I was wheeled through to the operating theatre. As I passed through the doors I thought of my cunt, intact and stinging from the iodine and glanced down. I lifted the sheet and took a look at my slit and gave a sob. The nurse who helped me onto the table removed the sheet fully.
“Would you like t have a good look one more time?”
I gave another sob.
“Yes!”
She spread my labia.
“There we are, your genitals will look different afterwards but you know it’s for the best, don’t you, dear? I have read your notes and you must remember this surgery will save your life.”
Part of me wanted to say that I did not have cancer, but as I looked down at my clit, still big and throbbing despite the stinging wash and cleanse, I knew I was doing the right thing – if I backed out now I would regret it forever.
I lay back on the table and sobbed.
“I just want it over with!”
“I know, I know,” The nurse replied, stroking my hair.
My surgical gown was lifted and my legs gently placed in stirrups, then straps were secured around my thighs, legs and ankles, before the same was done to my arms.
I noticed two other doctors hovered about the table, their eyes on my bare and vulnerable slit. There was a camera set up just beyond the table, trained on my naked body. One of the doctors adjusted the les and I knew it was putting my cunt in the spotlight.
The nurse gave me an injection in my arm.
“This will make you relax.” She said soothingly, her eyes full of compassion.
The doors opened and my Doctor entered the room. He was gowned and gloved and wearing a surgical mask. But I could tell he was giving me a secret smile as he looked at me.
“Soon it will be all over.” He told me, “And you will have no more cancer.”
I caught the look in his eye and I managed to speak.
“Yesss…I…know...”
He parted my lips and slid his fingers down my slit, then began to rub my clitoris. He did it slowly as if examining me but I felt a rush of pleasure.
“Aaaaaaaaahhh!”
I did not care now; I had come spontaneously n the operating table. As my cunt twitched and my face flushed and I breathed hard the nurse looked away, seeming a little uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“The patient is having an involuntary reaction.” The doctor said. He glanced at me.
“Please do not feel ashamed, you can not hep yourself.”
He took up a syringe and injected it into my pubis. I know I cried out but it seemed over with quickly because of the tranquiliser. I was aware that my cunt was going numb and it occurred to me I would never have the troublesome throbbing down below again and for some odd reason more tears flowed. The nurse wiped them away kindly.
The doctor addressed the camera.
“The subject is a twenty five year old woman with early signs of vulval cancer.” He announced, “I am curing this by excising the tissue. The patient is numb and relaxed. Knife, please.”
The nurse handed him a scalpel.
He bent between my open legs and I felt nothing but as he drew downwards blood spattered his gloves. The nurse held out a silver bowl and he dropped bloodied flesh into it.
“I am removing the clitoral hood and the inner labia. Clamp, please. And I nee some suction.”
I was clamped, suctioned, and then clamped again. He seemed to be down there for a long time, then he asked for scissors and as I heard an audible snip the nurse lifted tissue free. I realised it was my inner labia and I stared in fascination.
“Nurse, “he said, “Would you please take this tissue to pathology NOW...”
The nurse seemed a little surprised but nodded and took away the bloodied bowl.
Once she was gone the doctor smiled at me.
“I want you to speak t the camera.”
“Yess Doctor...” I managed to say.
“”Tell me how much you want me to remove.”
Tears pricked my eyes.
Under the influence of the drugs I couldn’t tell lies; my urges were coming out in honesty.
“All of it please!!”
He nodded, and exchanged a glance with the other two doctors.
“Then I shall remove all of it.” He said,” Every last piece, all the way to the root, yes?"
Tears ran down my face but an odd sense of peace came over me better than any orgasm I had ever had.
"I want...to...be...nice and clean...please cut out my clit...I do't want a clit...I don't want one!"
He took up small tongs much like the pair used for the examination, they had teeth on them but these were made of surgical steel and had no rubber coating.
He slid down between my legs while the other doctors leaned over and watched intently. I managed to raise my head a little, as I did so, one of the doctors came behind me, cradling my head so I could see what was happening between my legs.
"Thannnk you...” I said lazily.
He placed the tongs over my clit and closed them tightly. The teeth bit in and he began to pull. I realised y clitoris was trapped. I watched feeling fascinated as that small piece of meat that had been the cause of so much discomfort was drawn out, longer and longer, like a gleaming piece of red meat. he let go and it flopped onto my bloodied slit like a miniature penis. Then he gripped the base of the length and pulled again, o my amazement another half an inch came out.
"I think you caught it now!" I remarked and laughed my head swimming.
The doctor nodded.
"Yes indeed I have young lady. Your lifetime of discomfort ends now."
He released the tongs and then gripped the bloody little monster in forceps, tugging it up high. It looked like a trapped worm and I wondered how I could have lived so long with that thing inside me. The idea of its removal cleansing me seemed all the more pronounced now I saw the organ for what it was.
He took a small pair of scissors, separated the blades and held them at the base of my clitoris. As it sat between the blades he looked at me.
"Yes?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed.
There was a sharp snip that cut through the room, as the blades closed the clit was lifted away ad I saw my slit, puffy, bloody and with a hole where blood leaked out like sauce from a pudding. I heard laughing and I realised it was me, even as tears ran from my eyes - it was gone at last!
I fell into a snooze wile he stitched me, which seemed to take forever! As I dropped off to sleep I managed to smile and give a wave to the camera and gesture between my legs and give a thumbs up, or maybe that was my imagination because I was strapped down.
When I woke up properly I was in bed, comfortable, with a drip in my arm and a dressing on my groin with catheters protruding from both holes.
My Doctor sat on my bed and smiled at me.
"All done, all gone." he told me, "Are you happy?"
I nodded and he squeezed my hand.
"I shall look after you during your recovery. Would you like to see me for your post operative check in six weeks time?"
I nodded again.
"I am very keen," My Doctor said, "To see that labia all healed with nothing but smoothness within."
As I looked at him I felt a swell of gratitude; I was already picturing my lifelong love affair with the gap of nothing between my legs, so final and so beautiful, a precious secret hidden between outer labia, lips that no longer held any secrets. Even though I preferred women sexually it was this man who had freed me from the prison of having a swollen clitoris and I felt gratitude, I was now free and clean and I longed to be healed so I could see my clitless gap in all its glory.
"I want you to open it up ad kiss the gap." I said softly, "I want the hands that cut me to caress me."
I saw passion in my doctor's eyes.
"I shall open your lips and kiss your pretty gap every day." He told me.
We exchanged a glance and I smiled.
"Thank you so very much."
My Doctor leaned closer, our lips met and he plunged his tongue into my mouth as we kissed deeply.
But I felt noting between my legs, which was just what I wanted - I was living the dream. I was now clean and pure, and very proud of it.
The End
|
|
|