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Help Wanted
Author: Lex Ludite
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(Added on Dec 11, 2002)
(This month 173337 readers) (Total 369514 readers) |
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A series of hard edged spoofs that pay tribute to the jaded, cynical protagonists that once peopled the hardboiled men's magazines of the past. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 14, 2010 |
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Can't remember what I wrote last time. But it doesn't matter, as that was then and this is, well, now.
"Help Wanted" reads like a fifties Hollywood TV-series, set in those idyllic times when husbands ate dinner in a three piece suit, people built nuclear shelters with a smile and everyone had two kids -a boy and a girl- and a dog who never shat in the house while the wife hoovered the rooms constantly, dressed to the nines as if the place was Buckingham Palace instead of a tin sidewalled bungalow in middle-class suburbia. You know, the times before they invented rock 'n' roll.
But somehow, the screenplay got in the hands of David Cronenberg and David Lynch, who, pranksters that they are, rewrote the whole kaboodle according to their most sinister state of mind.
Sure, suburbia still looks quite and peacefull, with neatly trimmed lawns and spic & span windows, but whenever you venture to open a front door, instead of being greeted by soft, classical music, a husband with pipe reading the local newspaper in his soft-cushioned recliner, wife all pimped up at the oven baking cookies for the kids who are upstairs obediently doing their homework, there's heavy/doom/thrash-metal blasting from a 1000watt amp at 120 decibels an hour, while the dog is having a go at the trussed-up daughter, sonny is testing the new cutlery on mom's tits while the Hoover is sucking away at the deepest crevises of mom's birth canal and daddy's in a straight-jacket, forced to watch the scene, driving him so far up the tree he's gonna need an even straighter one soon.
The odd thing is -and this makes the reading fun- that Lex's main characters keep a straight-faced rationale all the time.
It's like Harriet And Ozzie are being tortured by the secret police to confess the recipe for their famed buttercookies, live on TV in prime-time, greeted by 'ooh's' and 'aah's' and polite applause from the audience.
Total madness, but thanks to the flamboyance of Lex's characters, it works. To perfection, almost.
JJ (10/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Jun 14, 2010)
- I am a bit astonished at your glowing review of what I consider just a lark. You should have seen the first chapter I submitted for this little piece of fun. It was not good, take my word for it. However for whatever reason you decided to throw me a bone on this one, I am naturally delighted and in your debt one way or another. Thanks for making this day a bit more bearable.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Jun 16, 2010)
- Maybe a tenner is indeed a tad exaggerated, but I dismissed the shorts I didn't overly like and rated for the ones I really DID like.
A Lark to you maybe, but these Larks, or at least the ones I consider the 'better' ones, are still above what less skilled authors tend to plaster this place with. I'd rather have the telephone wires between my house and my neighbor's crammed to the edges with your Larks, as long as they don't fly off southways come winter.
JJ
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| Reviewer:
Taoxx
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 13, 2006 |
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I didn't expect this story to continue, therefore I am really happy to see it updated. I can't wait to see Dana and Miranda again in Hospital.
Even though I hate any NC stories with passion and don't read these stories this update was as good as the rest of the story. You always get what you give. Writing skills are great as always.
Keep up the good work. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Jul 14, 2006)
- My thanks for your most generous review of what started out as one of my orphan stories that finally grew up and now stands on its own two feet. On the subject of Miranda and Dina's stay in the hospital, you have given me a great idea. It just so happens that right now Randi and Brandi of "The Best Laid Plans" have just been admitted to a very special hospital that caters to pain sluts and the like. Wouldn't it be interesting if the two sets of females were at the same hospital? I'm going to start seriously scheming to incorporate Miranda and Dina into the other story. I've done this before with my favorite misogynist, Vlad, who appears in "Wayward Wife's Punishment", "Chloe-Dominated and Degraded" and "Livin' In the Country".
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| Reviewer:
angelgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 12, 2005 |
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Hi Lex
I think it was a great story. Thanks to "haycarrieanne,s" review of my story I was able to see yours.
Love
Angelgirl (10/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2005)
- Your most generous review is acknowledged. I would hope that the rating you have provided was not influenced by other reviewers, whether or not you agreed with their opinions. As an author, I have developed a thick skin to protect my ego against the various onslaughts from outraged readers, some of whom have legitimate observations to contribute to the pot that always seems to be on the verge of bubbling over.
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2005 |
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Was this supposed to be funny? (4/10)
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- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- Okay then Lex, how about this: Your story sucked! It has no redeeming value whatsoever. A parody by definition is a humorous or satirical imitation. Your story, sad to say, is neither which is why I gave you low score.
- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Aug 1, 2005)
- Most definitely not! Try reading the synopsis before asking such an inane question. While I'm on it, why did you bother to provide a rating when you offered no opinion on its merits or failings?
Parody, your word,is a farcical imitation, such as your attempt at writing a review. A spoof is light satire; a hard edged spoof is what I wrote. Read the synopsis, read my words, not yours! Have you ever read any of the stories that were contained in a typical men's magazine of the late 50s and early 60s? I doubt it strongly. Arrogance and ignorance, which you seem to have in large quantities are a very dangerous combination in the wrong hands or minds.
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| Reviewer:
LordVetinari
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 29, 2005 |
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Another good offering. My only complaint is that too much of the torture happened "off-stage". But if you really want violence and sex, you might enjoy this.
Updated: This keeps getting better and better! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Jan 8, 2005)
- Your review is most appreciated, and your point about too much "off stage" torture is well taken. Be assured that this little matter will be corrected in future installments.
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| Reviewer:
Masterdesire
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 28, 2005 |
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I have read quite a few of Lex's stories and have enjoyed every one. The storylines keep getting better and more intricate. Always has me looking for updates.(8/10) (8/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (May 29, 2005)
- Your review has made my day! To the best of my knowledge you are the first reviewer to touch on the fact that my plots are something out of the ordinary. Thank you very much for being so perceptive.
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 1, 2005 |
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Despite my disliking for certain aspects of the story, I was compelled to see it through. It was very well written and, unlike many tales, easy to follow.
If extremely brutal stories are to your liking this should be considered a very good read for you. If not, you should stay away from this story.
*By the way, the aspects that I disliked are personal preferences and not due to any faults of the author* (9/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Mar 2, 2005)
- Your review is very much appreciated, especially since it obviously wasn't your particular cup of tea. My stuff is sort of an acquired taste for many, and quite off-putting for others, so be it. This review goes a long way towards restoring my faith in the review process itself, which on recent occasions has gotten a bit out of control when it came to separating personal feelings from the task at hand. In passing I would not have been outraged over a lesser rating, since we all see things from a slightly different perspective, which is why life is so interesting.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Mar 2, 2005)
- I felt compelled to review your story because it did suck me through - I sort of figured that if I was drawn to see it through, even if I was repelled by it, that it was worth a review. I was a bit astonished, really, to see some of the crap reviews because of the content. And I am in agreement with your complaints about those reviews.
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| Reviewer:
emmacd
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 18, 2005 |
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(This review is ignored in calculating the rating of this story!) Snuff is not my thing .Can't do justice to it. Sorry (2/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Feb 18, 2005)
- If snuff is not your thing, than why did you read it! Worse still, if this is something that you can't handle, why did you give me this crappy review! I am looking for constructive criticism of my writing, not the content! I'm not particularly interested in your likes and dislikes! It's flaming assholes like you that make writing such a burden instead of the joy it should be.
- Replied by:
Jinn
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2005)
- The story is clearly labeled with "snuff" code. Your rating is entirely based on your negligence of provided information. Your review is ignored on calculating the final rating score of this story.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 16, 2004 |
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not into spoof stories, but there is always an exception (9/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Apr 17, 2004)
- Thank you for your generous review of this story. It is most gratifying to know that people are still reading this one.
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| Reviewer:
WMassa
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 12, 2002 |
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Something very special for the real hard-on(e)s. Someone to value along with Llabmik, finally. The story isn't that straight, but nice brutality isn't into plot that much, anyway. Any continuation of same level ahead? Your new fans would appreciate, I bet. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Nitrofox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 12, 2002 |
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This story is OK, it is very very brutal, disorganised, and I wasn't even sure if the main character was a guy or a girl. It was basically just one brutal act after another. Not really any content. (4/10)
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- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Dec 29, 2003)
- Did you ever bother to read the synopsis before you penned this review? I hate it when this happens!
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