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Dear Henry
Author: Strinian
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(Added on Dec 14, 2003)
(This month 8628 readers) (Total 15196 readers) |
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Letters from schoolgirl Kirsten to her uncle Henry, whom she has secretly seen sniffing her panties. Kirsten tells him of her sexual exploits both in and out of school. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 15, 2003 |
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Kisten oscillates between being quite sexually sophisticated for her age to displaying a high degree of naivety about things sexual. The same unsettling contrast exists between her letters and speech. It further continues with her lack of understanding about the customers' behavior, but her ease in allowing three males she has just met to have oral sex with her. This young lady is your most critical character, yet she is unabashedly inconsistent. This puts a boat anchor around the neck of your story. You should make every effort to resolve this issue in order for your story to flow and sustain reader interest. I would also suggest closer attention to the editing; the use of "you're" instead of "your" and beginning a sentence with "Me" are a few of the more unsettling examples. All the problems I have pointed out are easily repairable, and if done you will certainly have a significant number of interested readers waiting for further installments of this story. Please realize that this is a preliminary rating based on what you have submitted; unlike most reviewers I will change my rating to reflect positive or negative changes in future chapters of your work. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
Strinian
(Edit) (Dec 16, 2003)
- Thanks for your comments. "You're" was a simple typo (we all make them) and there are several correct uses of "your" elsewhere in the story.<br>"Me and my friend" is written in the first person singular and thus is perfectly acceptable in a fictional work. It is quite normal for eighteen year old girls to use this phraseology, notwithstanding that it is not syntactically correct. Using "my friend, Heather, and I" might be viewed as a further inconsistency in her character. I will bear your other comments in mind if I do write any further chapters.
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