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The Party Is Over
Author: ProtagorasII
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(Added on May 17, 2004)
(This month 11432 readers) (Total 33684 readers) |
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A short walk through the park after a party turns out not to have been such a wise choice ... or was it ! |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
agp_millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 25, 2004 |
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5 star says it all. Just wish it has a Part 2, then i'm sure i'd give 6* (smile)
... i felt quite envious of her. lol. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
ProtagorasII
(Edit) (May 26, 2004)
- Thanks Millie - great to get positive feedback Part 2 will be along in while.
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2004 |
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This author certainly knows how to write, but some of the paragraphs were a bit to the long side and the dependence on spiel cheque was all too painfully obvious at times. The pack of controlled dogs was a nice touch, but the introduction and subsequent actions of the mysterious trainer detracted from, rather than enhanced the ending as far as this reader is concerned. On balance I enjoyed this effort and will make it a point to read anything that the author posts in the near future. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
ProtagorasII
(Edit) (May 18, 2004)
- Hi
Thanks for taking the time to review my story - I am relatively new to this so any constructive critism is more than welcome - thanks again for your comments
P
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| Reviewer:
GaryWilcox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2004 |
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Not the bee's knees, but entertaining. Couple of criticisms, beginning with your use of run-on paragraphs. I think if you went back and edited those long paragraphs, you'd find you have a lot more to say about what was happening in them, by splitting them up into three to six things that happen during them and expanding on your descriptions. I enjoyed it, but there wasn't much of a plot, and I love a good plot, characters with goals other than getting off.
Also, the narrator coming out of an orgy kind of makes the bestiality blaisé, doesn't it? I think the story would have had more punch if the opening part was a fantasy she was having, and we find out that she's actually quite repressed. Then, the bestiality becomes something she gives in to, not just because it feels good, but because it allows her to do something smutty and shameful.
These are just my opinions... carry on! (7/10)
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- Replied by:
ProtagorasII
(Edit) (May 18, 2004)
- Hi
Thanks for reviewing my story - I am new to this so any critism is more than welcome and I will take on board your comments - thanks again
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| Reviewer:
Amber
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 17, 2004 |
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I just loved the story and hope there is more! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
ProtagorasII
(Edit) (May 18, 2004)
- Hi
Glad you liked the story - There is a longer novella one on the site called - One week in October - Its a bit longer but similar content - thanks for your comments
P
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