|
|
|
|
|
Workout Girls
Author: Pen_Telme
|
| |
(Added on Jul 16, 2004)
(This month 100577 readers) (Total 185461 readers) |
| |
Four men take over a New Ladies Work Gym in a partially deserted part
of town, holding four women hostage, Abusing, Humiliating and Tormenting
them while they amuse themselves doing it. The story has been completed.with more chapters to be posted pending feedback and reviews. It is a long story that gets much hotter
and more intense as it goes on. This is my first story; hope you enjoy
it. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 20 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
5% |
15% |
5% |
15% |
0% |
20% |
20% |
15% |
5% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
wylum
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2007 |
| |
interested in seeing more updates. writing could be better (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
tbear4759
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2007 |
| |
this fits in well with most other stories here......bad spelling, poor grammar, slow, dull beginning. (3/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Apr 24, 2007)
- this fits in well with most other stories here......bad spelling, poor grammar, slow, dull beginning
Thank you for your review, my question is to you is as stated above,if you feel most or all stories on this site are bad, terrible spelling, grammer why read them? you apprentley do not like the way most are done.
In any event
I have 2 copies of the Story, 1 unedited and poor spelling, the other edit and all spelling corrected, unfortunetly, I posted 4 parts of the story that were not edit or spelled check, I have reposted, the entire story as 1 long storyy, and anticipate by the next update,the one following the April 11 update, that the complete correct version of the story will be posted, as I said, the version pending posted, has been spell checked, edit and is for posting not the parts already done
My apologies for posting the wrong parts, it ws human error, we all make those from time to time
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
cocksissypenis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2007 |
| |
This was a very good story, loved reading every bit of it. Good job!!!! (10/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Apr 7, 2007)
- Thank you for your very kind review, keep in mind there are still 3 more chapters, 4,5 & 6 to be posted,4 was sent in, 5 & 6 to be poste soon to complete the story should be posted I witth then next few weeks pending on long it take the site to post it
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 4, 2007 |
| |
I found a good number of missed spelled words. The story repeats it's self to many times. I would suggest having someone read this before posting. I like the idea of the story. (3/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Apr 5, 2007)
- Latoya,
My aplogies, I believe what happened is that the story was proofed and edited and I may have by accident, which is still no excuse posted part 3 from the version NOT edited, human error, I was trying to be carefull to avoid this, but being human it did happen
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Good_Grip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2007 |
| |
I've just read the story for the first time. I guess I missed it when it was originally posted. So far so good. The writing is pretty good, although there are a few gramatical errors. As one other reviewer said, it would be good to describe to characters more fully, especially the girls. All we know after two chatpers is that they are all knockouts, one has big boobs and nipples (how big?) and one is a redhead.
I love the humiliation aspect. As this goes along I'd like to see more detail descriptions of the troture, i.e. how do Tracy's nipples look with the weights pulling on them.
Looking forward to more. (7/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Mar 28, 2007)
- Thank you for you review, the next chpater 3 through the final part 6 are all new an have never been posted, so everyone will be readingnew first time posted chapters and it does get into more detail or each lady, hope it lives up to your expectations
This is my first story, so i hope it continues to draw inteerest and reviews
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
iggygor
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2007 |
| |
Cleaned up chapter 1 is very promising. Looking forward to the next chapters. (Rating is based on the vast improvement in this chapter, and the anticipation that the protagonists' threats and plans will be acted upon in future postings. Don't let us down, please.) (8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Mar 25, 2007)
- Thank you for your kind review, i will be reposting chapter 2 in a few days, the whole story is ready for posting and will be updated weekly til it is all posted, after I repost update part 2 chapters 3-6 are all new never before posted, you hopefully will not be dissapointed
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
castle2001
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2007 |
| |
The first chapter of War and Peace did not take three years.
We strokers don't require perfection but a grammer editor does not hurt.
Listen to Powerone. He does know his stuff.
Get on with it or put the pot away.
(4/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Mar 24, 2007)
- thank you for your comments, it took me as long as it did for medicl reason, plus i have seen many stories incomplete that were posted 5 years ago, the story will now be postedchapter by chapter overthe next few weeks it is done edited proffed and ready to go, you might want to wait a week or 2 and see what i have added to it
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2007 |
| |
I am glad to see thestory being reposted, th first part looks good as doe the story line, I hope you continue to psttherst ofthe story, it looks great (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
auvi5
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 5, 2005 |
| |
It's off to a good start, I would like to read more. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
C_Lakewood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 22, 2004 |
| |
One of this writer's replies below reads as
follows:
"My system is currently down so i am using a
friends computer, so the comments are through
their account not mine the next chpater(s) will
be posted within the next week or so, it does
get hotter as it goers on assuminig the sotry is
the genere you like "
His stories are written with the same care and
attention to detail.
(2/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
pen_telme
(Edit) (Mar 23, 2007)
- I am pleased to death, that you judged the story based on just 1 of 6 chapters after time away for medical reasons, I have reposted a cleaned up and edited part 1, parts 2-6 will be posted in then next few weeks, they are ready to go, just need to send them in, would apprciated you re reading part 1 updated, and parts 2-6 updated as I send them in, i believe you will be pleasently suprised at the whole story comple and edited and proofed, unlike my first attmpt
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Powerone
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 20, 2004 |
| |
OK, you have two chapter under your belt and the reader is getting no where. Except for the girls are "knockouts" there is no characters, no descriptions, nothing for the reader to put in their head. Even the men are the same way. And two chapters without even anything remotely resembling sex. This is erotica. When is it going to get erotic. You need to capture the readers attention in fifteen seconds, you haven't even done it in four months. Why should we wait or even care for another chapter? (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Pen_Telme
(Edit) (Nov 20, 2004)
- The story does get much better, much hotter, i have been working on part 3, but i have run into some personal medical and family issues the last 2-3 monmths that has kept me from doing more, i am hoping to get part 3, meet the ladies posted soon
There is sex coming, there is more charactor develoment coming,
Howevber, my personal health and family take president over anything i do, you weill not be dissapointed with the next parts posted, all i ask are a bit more patience
Thanks
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
SamiJo
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 24, 2004 |
| |
Very good, I would like to see more, keep up the good work on it. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
"Roof"
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 7, 2004 |
| |
"Workout Girls" is a very interesting story. I recommend wide readership of it. Every male has some curvy chick in their lives who were vastly insensitive to male hormonal needs and so stuck up she wouldn't do such a reasonable thing as sport higher hemlines. What "Working Girls" does is takes the snob "everygirl" and shows them the error of their feministic drivel ways ("dont touch me, you bastard"). The transformation is being done via the deserved bondage/disciplinary harshness that the offence merits. Hope the story goes into many more chapters. (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Pen_Telme
(Edit) (Aug 7, 2004)
- Thank you for your review
the best is yet to cum
many more chapter are coming
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Mobius
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 31, 2004 |
| |
Ok you have had this story up for a bit this was an update where is chapter 2. Looks good I like the premis but you left us in a cliff hanger. Post chapter 2 please (7/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 31, 2004)
- This is a revised version of part 1, everyone said the first posting need editing and grammar correction, so i will be posting part 2 as soon as i get done vcleaninig it up, hopefully by this comming monday, then it is up to the web master to post it
you will not be dissapointed
i will be posting part 2 sometime the week of august 1, 2004,
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Sue Evans
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 19, 2004 |
| |
I look forward to the next chapters to this story because the author makes what is to come in the story sound so exciting for me. (8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 19, 2004)
- thank you very much, the best is certainly yet to cum
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 19, 2004 |
| |
There are good possibilities here, especially as the gym equipment has not yet entered into the story.
You need an editor instead of a spell-checker; frequent correct spellings of incorrect words indicate that with a little help here, you could do much better.
Anxious to see more! (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 19, 2004)
- that you, this first chapter will be reposted after it is edited and made easier to read, you have not seen anything yet
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 17, 2004 |
| |
It's difficult to rate such a short portion of the story. There does need to be some editing done, but the story line is promising. (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 17, 2004)
- thanks, i am in the process of doing so now, the next portion will be "cleaned up"
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
kemosabe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 16, 2004 |
| |
Can't give it much with the incomplete grammer and syntax. Might be a good story but too hard to follow with uninterrupted paragraphs, incorrect verbage and sentences run together. (3/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 17, 2004)
- not sure what you mean by incomplete grammar, if you could explain that i would be more then happy to correct what needs to be corrected
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 16, 2004 |
| |
Nice start, let's see what you do out of it. (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 16, 2004)
- Thank you very much, the best is yet to cum, i have lots more to post
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Tractortorture
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 16, 2004 |
| |
Good start now let your imagination do it's worst. (8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Jul 16, 2004)
- Thanks for the review, My system is currently down so i am using a friends computer, so the comments are through their account not mine the next chpater(s) will be posted within the next week or so, it does get hotter as it goers on assuminig the sotry is the genere you like
|
|
|
About 