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The Story of Velvit
Author: Angelgirl
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(Added on Oct 6, 2004)
(This month 12794 readers) (Total 31088 readers) |
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Velvit's life is saved by her half brother when she is eleven years old. She believes their lives have somehow intertwined. When her brother tells her he needs her to be his sex slave she feels compeled to give herself to him. On her twelth birthday she becomes his slave. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
trainer81
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2005 |
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I read the first chapter very nice, angelgirl.
I plan on reading rest of it latter though cuase I have other things to do yet today.
I love the grammer it's very will put for nice simple novel stories :) (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 25, 2005 |
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Another Great Story from AngelGirl. I would love to know when more will be added (8/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (May 1, 2005)
- La Toya
I was almost to scared to look if you reviewed this story. I don't think I have ever been given such shit about a story before. I swore I would never write another again. I tried to rewrite it to please them but I think I made it worse. I cried a lot of big tears over it,,,,,,,,,,but after reading your wonderful words I'm wet somewhere a little lower at the moment.
Thank you for giving me such lovely warm feelings.
Love
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 14, 2004 |
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Angelgirl;
Honestly speaking, this story needs some refining. You really looked inside the character and helped us all walk around inside her soul and feelings, but (as with many fussy people, sorry) really distracted me with the number of misused words and misspelled words. This story shows a spellchecker was used, but not an editor. I feel certain the brother did not lose a fish; your story states he lost his "Sole", which is an ocean fish. You wished to say "soul", I feel sure.
That's the difference between an editor and a spell checker. This is a major concern because you are trying very well to help people understand your characters; this requires clear communication. You lose your readers when they can't understand easily what you mean, OK?
Beyond this, I look forward to your further stories and wish you well. Keep at it: you have a real talent for telling the story! (7/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2004)
- Hi Master chksng19
I'm sorry. I guess I posted this story in haste. Many have said exactly what you did. Not two hours ago I resubmitted this story. I'm sure I didn't catch every mistake but I pray its a more enjoyable read. I hope you will give it another try when they post it.
Love
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
pippa
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2004 |
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Hi angel- I decided to read after i saw the posts in forum. I liked it a lot. I could really identify with velvit which always is a big plus for me when I read something. I think you put a lot into the story as well and it shows. Some of the sex was a bit extreme for me- but I guess my tastes arent corrupted yet *grinz*. Looking forward to more - even though I am not a Master. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 10, 2004)
- Hi pippa
In a few more days it will be time to sing "Happy Birthday" to you. My Masters birthday is on Oct22. I'm dedicating this story to you and him. It is his wish I call all men Master.
I'm so happy you enjoyed the story and I apologise to anyone I upset in forms.A lot of the criticism was true. I'm thinking of asking if I can pull the story untill I can find someone nice to proof read it for me.
"Happy Birthday"
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
Chum
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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This gets an A+ for originality. Excellent writing skills, good character development. It is the kind of story I like; fantasy that is so well crafted that the reader gets involved and hardly notices the surreal quality. The menace The author introduces hightens the tension and makes this reader anxious for more, though I'm not into snuff and excessive NC. I want the characters to survive and wind up sated, but whatever turn this story takes I will be an avid reader.
This is the first story in some time that has made me want to return to the 3 or 4 unfinished works on my hard drive, but not before I read whatever else I can find on the site by this author.
The only thing that kept me from giving the story a 10 was a slight disappointment concerning the descriptive brevity of the action, coming on the heels of some of the best and original character development. I have come back to this review after reading some earlier story posts, and found well described events, so I'm having second thoughts about this one area of criticism. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 8, 2004)
- Thank you Master Chum.
I don't know how my Master puts up with me sometimes. This is the first story I have writen in over two years. It was because of another of my tanturmes; I completly destroyed all my work. Part2 of "Amanda's 17th Birthday Story" was completed along with two other stories and I destroyed them all.I swore I would never write again; but the emails kept coming.I decided to try another character first to see if my juices would still flow.I need so badly to give pleasure that when I fail I hate myself. I know I need to get someone to proof read for me before I post again; the story is in my head and I don't see the words when I do it. I am going to start part2 of 17th tonight.
I know it's wrong to give away the end of a story before anyone reads it but you were to kind to leave you guessing. Amanda and Velvit will never die in my stories. Please remember that when you read part2 of 17. It has a really strange twist at the end.
Thank you again for your wonderful words.
I love you
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
Mobius
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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I am about 3/4 the way through this work. I do like it. But I am into Incest. Especialy when you add slavery into the mix. Cant go wrong there. Good read so far. Looking forward to the rest of the story keep up the good work. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 8, 2004)
- Thank you Mobius
As you know her brother hasn't gotten his sex problems worked out yet, but I promise he will make up for lost time with Velvit soon. I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. Thank you again.
Love
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
dreamster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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angel- I am sorry my earlier review upset you- You missed the positives- I finished it and wanted to read what happens next. I try and follow the suggested codings- I would for example not give myself more than a 5 or 6. For me 5 is good so dont cry *smiles* - offers you a tissue. I hoped my review had been constructive. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 8, 2004)
- Hi dreamster
I guess I should be strong and say thank's but it feels more like you just stabbed me in the heart.I was praying that my first review might be a good one. But if I am a lousy writer I guess I can't blame you. I really would like to say more but I'm crying to much.
Love
Angelgirl
P.S....Oct8. I wish you would email me.
Love
Angelgirl
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| Reviewer:
TK Jones
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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Simple, I loved it. Keep it going. ^_^ (9/10)
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- Replied by:
angelgirl
(Edit) (Oct 8, 2004)
- Hi TK Jones
I'm sitting here trying to think of words that will express the joy I feel knowing that you loved my story. I guess if I can give pleasure to one master I shouldn't be so unhappy that another was displeased with me.
Thank you again...I love you.
Angelgirl
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