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Making Alice Over
Author: Sawa
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(Added on Dec 21, 2004)
(This month 44563 readers) (Total 75316 readers) |
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How I turned my assistant into my dream doll / lover. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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| 1 |
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14% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Voracious Reader
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 23, 2012 |
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If each paragraph were a chapter or two, it would stretch this "outline" into an actual story. If the idea weren't so good, I'd give it a 3 or a 4. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 31, 2011 |
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Not really my type of story. Having said that this story is fairly well told, a little stilted in places and generally could have done with a little more characterization and depth.
The big plus for this story is that it reads as if it really had happened and that the author had first or at most second hand experiance of the events. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2010 |
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Excellent little rendition of a happening. Almost a recollection, even.
I also agree that the story could have been more elaborate; that the explanations could use more details, that the story could use more body.
But they way it is presented works very well, because the rendition speaks directly to our (my) imagination. And that imagination thanks the author.
As do I.
Thanks.
JJ (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 22, 2008 |
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need more to review it the correct way, if this is the whole story i will leave it at 6 or possible 5, nothing spectacular so far
plus the chapters are to short, as if it was rushed to get it done and posted (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
crickette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 7, 2005 |
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Your story was pretty good. It seemed a little rushed to me. It was well-written and I liked the plot. It just needs a little more meat between the beginning and the end (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 31, 2004 |
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I agree with badspyro. This needs some fleshing out/expansion, but what's here isn't bad. This story only hits the 'break points' in a five year relationship, and I feel a need for transitions between the events. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
badspyro
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 27, 2004 |
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Works for me. Could do with some expantion though, maybe a tad bit longer, and it does need to flow a bit better than it does at the moment.
Shows much promise
Badspyro (7/10)
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