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My Master Returns
Author: Good Girl
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(Added on Mar 22, 2005)
(This month 9348 readers) (Total 15484 readers) |
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A Slave recalls meeting her Master as she prepares for his next visit, knowing there will be a change to come. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Ruby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 31, 2005 |
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I'll go with has some promise and could be improved greatly. It reads like a confession, but gets bogged down in the details. By the time she is remembering sex with her master, I'm bored. Even a gramar refresh isn't enough here. Better pacing, less girl-girl chit chat and more description of the actual action and emotions would be a great start for a re-write. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
anguisette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2005 |
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i don't particularly agree with the other reviews, but that doesn't mean i didn't find problems of my own. the grammar was pretty bad, and in some places, i found it hard to concentrate on what was happening because i was distracted by the errors that glared out at me. many people don't think that syntax is as important as i do, but they don't realize that the reason they can get into professional writing is because of its readability-- the technical side has been taken care of, and therefore all that's left is the story itself. i want to read more of this story, but i would want to see a good edit done on it first. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2005 |
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there are to many stories similar to this on the site and web, need originality, among other things (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
bisarah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2005 |
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The story just seemed sort of dull. Maybe it was the switch of roles ... maybe it is your writing style, but a bit of picking up the pace. It was a bit wordy. (4/10)
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