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The Story of Jane
Author: Galahad
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(Added on Apr 19, 2005)
(This month 336973 readers) (Total 707338 readers) |
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Jane's slow change from a normal vanilla housewife into a sexual slave for her hubby then for others. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 39 |
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8% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Jorgy444
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 24, 2012 |
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Good story, tend to agree with others though.
If you want a top notch review, find an editor or
proofread the writing. Poor grammar and glaring
mistakes is a real disappointment to a great story!
So much potential to your story telling. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 16, 2010 |
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On the erotic shenanigans front, this story merits an 11 score. However, on the writing front, "The Story Of Jane" is a real letdown.
The enjoyment of the read is constantly hampered by silly mistakes, breaks in the narration and inconsistencies which make you go back, looking through the text to see if you missed something. But no. It is instead the aurhor who missed some things. A few curves, for one.
A good story, but nothing to get Knighted over, Galahad.
JJ (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
lisaduzblax
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 7, 2010 |
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i couldnt stop reading would like to know where to find rest of story (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
MissPiss
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 24, 2007 |
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I love your story! Great plot, solid characters, hot sex scenes. Keep up the good work! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
gundam
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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I do hope you continue the story, I hate to see another story not haveing an ending or some sort of closure.
This story just getting better and better with each chapter!
I love the way you started the story, very creative, please keep it comming.
Love the direction of the story, going have to up the rating to 10, looking forward to the next chapter.
Just have to add that I love your writing style, please keep it comming!!! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (May 16, 2005)
- Thank you for taking the time to review.
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| Reviewer:
JekelIV
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 28, 2007 |
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Hey,
great story. Sexy stuff..If people are into realism that much...get a better life and practice it for real.... I guess you guys dont like movies either as they are soooooooooo accurate... when is the next chapeter due? Cant wait. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
stormbringer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2007 |
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I haven't finish the story yet, but so far i believe is a very nice and believable story (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
cala
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 21, 2006 |
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Repeated technical errors and a complete lack of logic regards character progression and motivation, makes this story uncomfortable to read. I gave up about half way through - bored with seeing the same mistakes time and again. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
azrlg17
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2006 |
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OK, this review is long but so's the story so please bear with me. I like some parts of the story, mostly some sex scenes (not so much the "and then she serviced another 250 college boys" but the more one on one with Rachael and Emily). But the characterizations are just plain bad. The plotline is even worse. A lot of details just don't add up. Some of them can be explained with some strained logic but the sum of them just leaves huge gaping holes in the story.
How Emily found out:
Would you brag to your colleagues about your spouse being a slut and sucking off other guys of on command? At a white collar workplace where you have to be careful about your reputation? Really?
The 1st blackmail:
The blackmail at the beginning is weak. So what if she gives Joe's boss the pictures. Maybe the company would fire him, maybe not. But if they fired a leading manager because of that they would try to keep it very quiet and that means a big golden handshake to fend of a lawsuit or bad publicity.
The morning:
Why did she not tell Joe at the first morning what Emily threatend? She loves her husband and trusts him, does she really believe he will leave her? He can get another job especially after his huge success. There's no reason for her to believe Emily can get her pictures to all potential employers.
Also Emily didn't leave the house (according to all Jane knew so there are no copies) and the two of them would have no problem taking the pics away from her.
Why did Joe let them leave? If you had a wife you loved, would you let her go away with a dom you knew nothing about?
The 1st day:
Do you really believe a couple of 15 year old boys could keep quiet about fucking a MILF on a sorority party? Do you really think such parties could be kept quiet for so long?
Joe / the 2nd blackmail:
This is my biggest problem with the story. The character Joe is simply not realistic. Your wife returns and the dom shows you a video which shows that she lied to him and used his wife. Would you fuck with such a lying bitch?
And then came the scene where Emily told Joe. Now remember, this is a successfull DOMINANT man. What would such a man who likes to CONTROL do when someone threatens and blackmails him and his wife and tries to take his control away?
A Strike out or go postal?
B At least get an adrenalin shock that keeps him awake plotting how to get out of the situation
or C Say You win, I'm too tired and go to sleep?
Pleeeaaase the way he reacted was just ridiculous.
And why not get back at her? It's not hard, get a video camera and a tape recorder. Get her to come over and try to argue with her. Try pleading with her, describe that she tortured her to get to have sex with the boys, try appealing to her conscience. Try getting some limits on what she can do with Jane in, it's unimportant. Sooner or later she will either agree or stop it and threaten with the tape again and the ruin of his career and her going to jail. Either way is fine, either she stopped blackmailing or you now have a tape of her blackmailing you. If she admits of getting the teens or to torturing Jane then you can get out of it completly, you can even go to the cops. Agree with whatever she says and cave in, get her to leave and copy the tape. If she doesn't come to you go to her or meet at a neutral place with the tape recorder. You don't even have to do that, just record some telephone conversations. Send them to some attorneys with the instruction to send it to the cops if you go missing along with some explanatory notes. Then go to her office, play the tape and blackmail her right back. You get my wife in prison and I get you in prison. It's no rocket science, she blackmails you, you blackmail her right back. Or get her a drink laced with rohypnol and get her to fuck 50 homeless guys and film it. Or give her a drink laced with sedatives and then get her to swallow sleeping pills until she is no more. If I can come up with something like this in 5 minutes what can someone with much more motivation come up with? Anything is better but a dominant person just doesn't cave in like Joe. Sorry I keep coming back to this but it really really ruins the story.
The mall scene:
Her daughter is in a rebellious phase. Why would she even go with her mother when she embarrasses her so much? I think she would have told her that she wouldn't come unless she changed.
The 3rd blackmail:
Would anyone be really that stupid to let the sister of the woman who is blackmailing him with a tape tape him having sex? And not notice it was an underage girl? But even after the 2nd tape he could get out. He would just need one tape of his daughter with Emily and he would have the same ammo she had. Please what kind of guy lets his daughter be a sex slave to a lying blackmailing evil bitch? And then go to sleep? I just can't believe that.
Or he could just get a gun and force Emily to have sex with Gracie and tape it. If she tries to call his (non)bluff he just has to remind her that he can't stop without the tape or two dead bodies because he knows if he doesn't have anything on her she will destroy him. And Emily can choose between loosing a sex slave or her life and Gracie's life.
But the story says he has no idea how to stop this? Come one do they all have IQs in the single digits? And then he invites his brother when he leaves the house, when he must know what kind of a pig he is? Come on, nobody is that stupid.
When Amanda finds out that her best friend blackmails her parents, has betrayed her, is forcing her mother to be a sex slave makes her miserable and is destroying her life why doesn't she try to argue, plead, give Rachael a bad conscience? Would a normal 17year old react like she did, so accepting? I don't think so. And since at least Rachael likes Amanda, would they really send her parents to jail?
Jane:
The second big problem of the story in my opinion. Emily told Jane that she didn't participate in the scene for some years and that's why she wanted her. But still she had monthly swinger parties and was at the sorority? She obviously lied. She lied about keeping her daughter out of it too. Why should Jane believe her anything else? Here is a clear and present danger to her daughter and she doesn't do anything about it? She herself could get a gun and end this. She says herself that she doesn't care what happens to her or her husband anymore, only her daughter. When she's determined not to ask her daughter to eat her out why doesn't she kill herself? The way she's treated would make a lot of people suicidal. And why does Jane not once try to plead when she is allowed to speak her mind? Why does she call Emily mistress in her own mind? Chapter 17 was just hard to read. Here is her beautiful underage daughter about to be fucked by her fat disgusting brother in law. Does she go to the kitchen, get a knife and kill Rachael? Does she at least tell him no way, threaten him and throw him out of her house and then accept her punishment like a woman? No, she encourages him to fuck her daughter. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER? Who wants to read a story about a fucking pathetic coward? And she really does believe that it was her fault? As if they wouldn't have Amanda fucked sooner or later? Pleeeaaaaase. Emily has lied about everything important till now, why does she believe her anything? I mean in the very nex chapter Emily tells Amanda that she will never punish her so heavily if she behaves and then tells Jane just afterwards that Amanda will be punished even if she behaves every time if Jane fucks up. She told her she wouldn't go much above her limits and then turn around and forces her to have sex with her daughter. She is a pathological liar. And Jane admits that prison is better than what Emily does to her more than once she says she doesn't care what happens to her anymore. She admits that it only gets worse and worse. THEN WHY DOESN't SHE KILL EMILY? Even the most submissive woman wants revenge if her kid is harmed. She even tells Joe not to do it? WHY? When Emily and Rachael are dead Noelle would take care of Amanda. And then at the party there's Billy. He can stand up to Emily and to Donna. WHY doesn't she try to get help from him? She says she is a failure as a mother because she fails to keep pain from her daughter on the chair. Afterwards there is a chance to get free and SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT? Please, that's simply ridiculous. And then why doesn't she explode more often with Joe? She did it only once after the 2nd blackmail and never again. Even after he has sex with their daughter she doesn't say anything to him.
Rachael:
She is supposed to love or at least like Amanda. And she's shocked and has lost all her taste for that hard stuff after the party. WHY DOES SHE LEAVE AMANDA IN THE CLUTCHES OF EMILY? She is her property. She could give her to Noel or even free her. And if she sees that it is wrong, why doesn't she help Jane?
Amanda:
She sees that while some of the stuff exites her mother and gets her off that she is miserable. And then she still tries to take control of her, going so far as to force her to choose whether she obeys her or has a forbidden orgasm? What's wrong with her? She's supposed to lover her mother.
Emily:
I kind of liked her in the beginning when she was sometimes concerned about Jane. But soon she was a cardboard cutout for evil sadistic lying dishonorable domme. No mercy at all. This makes her boring and predictable.
The only character that are somewhat realistic are Billy and Noelle.
Now I know this is a fantasy but having unprotected sex with this many strangers is like playing russian roulette with more than one chamber loaded. Normally I wouldn't bring this up but Zeek and his mother show that in this world STDs (especially AIDS) do exist.
The story is missing an incest code.
Grammar and spelling is OK, only pretty often 'too' and 'to' and other similar sounding words are mixed up.
All in all I think the author scurried through the plot and the characterizations to get to the sex scenes and it shows. Every time Joe/Jane complain that there's no way out is a sad joke. Come to think of it they even don't need to follow any of the simple plans I laid out to get free. Emily doesn't have shit. She sure can give the tapes to the cops. But then Jane and Joe go to the press and tell every reporter their story, especially about the lesbian BDSM sorority on campus. That's the story of the century. Do you really think all the frat boys will keep quiet about the sex parties there if they can have their 5 minutes of fame? The sorority would be closed, Donna would probably be prosecuted because of all the underage sex there, Emily would be fired,... And if push comes to shove, they have more than one witness where Emily had sex with Amanda (who is still underage). If the cops start putting the pressure on sooner or later one of the sisters will squeal. Especially since not all agree with nc BDSM. If Emily tries to get Amanda in jail I think it could be Noelle.
I'm waiting for a chapter titled Jane strikes back (maybe Joe too but he's too much of a wimpy caricature of a dominant man) maybe with violent and torture keywords? One where she gets even with Emily and Donna. Sadly I don't think it will come but maybe I will be surprised.
I don't think I'm the only one seeing the plotholes, just as I'm writing this I see on the right side that the story is listed in "Forced & barely believable" :-)
(5/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Dec 21, 2006)
- All I can say is wow.... Thank you for your comments and taking the time to write the mother of all reviews... the number value is irrelevant.. That many words mean that I evoked emotion and that is the highest compliment to an amateur author.
- Replied by:
azrlg17
(Edit) (Dec 21, 2006)
- The emotion it most evoked was disappointment and frustration. It could have been such a great story if it were not for the many inconsistencies, errors and logical fallacies.
Chapter 24 is another example of that. She is forced to have sex with her underage daughter and watch her also getting fucked while her neighbor watches. A neighbor Tom and Harry don't know anything about. But it's predictable that Anne doesn't call the cops because then the story would end with Tom, Harry and Jane in prison. It's not predictable from the character of Anne herself. And later she gets the command from Emily not to follow commands that could put her in jail shortly followed by the command to seduce a 15 year old.
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| Reviewer:
willadams
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 16, 2006 |
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This story is incredble. Hope the author keeps it up for a long time as there is still quite a journey for Jane to take down her degraded and depraved path. Emily is the perfect domme, who serves Jane up to men and women alike, giving Jane the required humiliation and degradation. It's a great read and very well written. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
masterdw
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2006 |
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Like the story very much. What happened to chapter 21? Would like to get Joe's POV a little more. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
themaneloco
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 1, 2006 |
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This story is a little extreme in places for my taste, but I do like the character of Rachel and I constantly check back to see how the plot is progressing. There are a few formatting issues but I'm happy to overlook that sort of thing. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 11, 2006 |
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I had a terrible time getitng into this story. The poor formatting and lack of spacing between paragraphs was quite anoying. The story did, however, improve with future installments. I can't say that I was particularly thrilled with the tale, though it was not bad. The most distracting thing about this story was that it suffered from technical issues which gave it a halting feel. It was this stop-jerk flow that kept me from really getting into the reading and thoroughly enjoying the story. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
VaVaVoom
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 27, 2006 |
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Loved every bit, minor typos'(My stories are far from typo free so i know what its like) but the story and ideas more than make up for those odd slips.
All i can finally say is more, more please. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
bigcat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 3, 2006 |
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Liked it a lot. Imaginative and creative. Good scene setting and pace. Could use some minor editing, but so what? Very good in this consensual-humiliation genre. Look forward to more. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dragon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 3, 2005 |
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I am enjoying this immensely and looking forward to more of the same. I'ms especially interested in the attitude of Jane's hubby as Jane's submission, degradation and humiliation intensifies and the potential for her daughter. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rebelman
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 19, 2005 |
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Excellent story! Hope to see more... (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 15, 2005 |
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Your grammar sucks! Please learn the difference beteen "your" and "you're"!!! The story might be good, if one could get past the grammar and typos. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2005)
- Thank you for taking the time to review my story. Makes me wonder why you read stories posted on an amateur site? Here's a novel idea try a book? I am sure that the grammer will be far more to your liking. Again thank you.
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2005)
- I read them because I like erotica. I guess I am the type of person who believes that you should do your best! If you use Word or WordPerfect, they have a spelling check and a grammar check feature. You should try it because it will catch a lot of errors.
- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2005)
- I am sorry that my story didn't measure up to your standards. I do use Word and it catches many of my mistakes. I attempt to proof read myself but that is difficult at best. Also English was not my favorite subject in college. Assuming that it was your are you offering to proof the next few chapters?
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Oct 15, 2005)
- Send them on ... Lord knows you need the help! LOL
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| Reviewer:
mastersall
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 12, 2005 |
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This is an excellent tale. Well crafted and clever with lots of original twists and turns...i do hope it continues and look forward to the next installments (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Zubisco
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 3, 2005 |
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Great story. Almost non-consensual in a consensual sort way. I love how it starts off for the wife as a dangerous and fun thing to do, but slowly she gets trapped and blackmailed, becoming a wholly unwilling participant in the whole shenanigans. I want more. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mobius
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 2, 2005 |
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Very slow in the begining. Typical husband exploits wife in public place thing. But when it finaly gets going with a lesbian dominent things get very exiting. Very good read hope to see more chapters please continue please (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
tinybean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 29, 2005 |
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i have read this story from the first posting, and am a bit late with this review, but i am also glad i have waited as this story seems to get better and better as it goes along. Well written, very descriptive, and i so very much enjoy the humiliation angle, as well as all the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead....Please continue the story !!! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
PLP21
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 13, 2005 |
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Very good indeed, I really enjoyed, looking forward to the next 4 chapters (8/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Aug 26, 2005)
- Thank you for reading. I am glad you enjoyed.
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| Reviewer:
RhondaLee
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2005 |
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Could you please put a space line in between each paragraph? It is very hard to read as the texts are all jammed together. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Aug 12, 2005)
- Sure can, thank you for the comment.
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 1, 2005 |
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Better late then never; this one is nicely paced with some good characterization. I enjoy the detail provided and the heat that is generated is top notch. Heat trumps almost any flaw short of writing it in crayon. Looking forward to more helpings of this strong stew. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Aug 12, 2005)
- Thank you for review. Coming from as accomplished author as yourself it is high praise.
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| Reviewer:
BigCat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 23, 2005 |
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Can't wait for the next sequences. Terrific piece. Good characters, good development of the the wife's increasing debasement. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- Thank you for the review.
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| Reviewer:
moimoimoi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 9, 2005 |
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This particular story is particularly fun to read for several reason. First at least for me it show a progressive developement that is not often seen in most story and it's something that I have appreciate. Second this story involve the domeniring of a woman(wife) with the approval of this woman even if the humiliation she has until now sufer in this story his turning her hot to the extreme to her own astonishement. I think the autor have the right combination of knowing how to present the reluctance but also the irresistible attraction she have at submiting to the demand of her domeniring. For those and more reason I think it is a story that any reader should read. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- Thank you for the kind words.
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| Reviewer:
Mercury1957
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2005 |
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A great story! Very erotic and well written. I also like that you made it clear the husband does love her. A very nice touch. Hoping you'll write more. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- Thank you for the review.
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| Reviewer:
pinto
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 14, 2005 |
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very good. hope that you keep it up.... love where it is going (9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (May 16, 2005)
- Thank you for your review.
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| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 14, 2005 |
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We enjoyed the story so far and are intrigued at how their lifestyle will expand beyond where it is now. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (May 16, 2005)
- Thank you for your review. I hope Jane heads in the direction you like. :)
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| Reviewer:
sunburststrat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 1, 2005 |
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I love stories about sexy submissive mature wives being humiliated. I would like to see the author continue and am looking forward to hearing about Jane's Mistress Emily and her friends. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (May 1, 2005)
- Thank you for your review.
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| Reviewer:
bob_aganoush
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2005 |
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Very erotic story, a good beginning to what I hope is more. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (May 1, 2005)
- Thank you for your kind words.
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| Reviewer:
LittleRedhead
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 26, 2005 |
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looking forward to part 2. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 28, 2005)
- Thank you for the review. I aways was a sucker for red heads. :)
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| Reviewer:
Granite_II
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2005 |
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Looking forward to this story being continued. Subperb job so far. The husbands willingness to show his wife off in the sexual outfit in front of the babysitter and his daughter is very erotic.
(9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 25, 2005)
- Thank you for taking the time to write.
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 22, 2005 |
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A fine start, You might want to let your charecters speak for themselves a bit more ( with conversations and through their actions) rather than tell the reasons things are happening. It will actually make them charecters more alive and Makes the readers get more involved in the story. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 25, 2005)
- Thanks for your helpful suggestions. I will keep them in mind in future chapters.
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| Reviewer:
LordVetinari
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 22, 2005 |
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I enjoyed the beginning, and the hint of where it is going. I only hope the author can deliver on what it promises. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 22, 2005)
- Thank you I hope so too.
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| Reviewer:
ropebinder
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 21, 2005 |
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An abusive husband turns his vanilla wife into an obedient slave. Had this "story" been any longer, I wouldn't have bothered to finish or review it. It's a typical male-written piece about a busty mom who agrees to everything her husband demands. The character development is shallow and typical of non-writers. The story is boring and unbelievable. Because nothing happens in this piece, the author leads us to believe that it's just the introduction to a longer piece, to which I would ask, "please spare us." I'm sorry that I cannot give rave reviews, but I couldn't find any redeeming qualities. My apologies to the author. (2/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 21, 2005)
- Thanks for the review I will make sure to spare you and others by not posting the follow ups. Totally amazing to me that critics can deal an enormous amount of crap with no thought to the human qualities behind the author. Sorry I wasted your time.
- Replied by:
chromedome11
(Edit) (Apr 22, 2005)
- To use your words, please spare us these kind of reviews. You can say you didn't like it without being mean. Why are you so selfish you won't let other people enjoy the subsequent chapters?
- Replied by:
Powerone
(Edit) (Apr 23, 2005)
- I didn't read the story but I object to the follow-ups to this review. I see nothing in the review except what the reviewer saw as inadequacies in the writing style. In fact the reviewer were very articulate in giving exactly what they didn't like.
What I didn't like was the writer’s objection "Totally amazing to me that critics can deal an enormous amount of crap with no thought to the human qualities behind the author." If you are going to continue to write, you will find reviews that are utter crap, not reviewers but censors because they don't like the type of story you wrote. I suggest you keep your harsh criticism until that time.
And as far as you sidekick’s comments, "To use your words, please spare us these kinds of reviews. You can say you didn't like it without being mean. Why are you so selfish you won't let other people enjoy the subsequent chapters?"
What are you ten years old, someone mean to you at school and pulled your hair? The writer has to learn to take criticism instead of lashing out at it otherwise I would suggest he/she take a new turn in his writer, maybe write children’s books, they don't know how to write so maybe he wouldn't get a bad one.
- Replied by:
Granite_II
(Edit) (Apr 26, 2005)
- Ignore the negative comments above, envy of anothers talents is no excuse for such tone.
- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 28, 2005)
- I think that all of the above reviews have merit even ropes. What I take exception to is the concept that if you are writing a review common everyday respect for another human being is somehow supended. You can hate the story and I totally respect your right to do that but the "please spare us" comment was mean spirited and not necessary. Just shows the total lack of class that the reviewer displays. The rest of the review was fine and taken in context. I am not a professional writer and never will be. Nor by publishing and reviewing here do I pretend to be.
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| Reviewer:
chromedome11
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 20, 2005 |
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Good opening -- set the tone right away. Then the flashback to fill us in -- well done. Good teaser at the end. Only a few minor spelling mistakes.
An easy read. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 22, 2005)
- Thank you. Next time I need to find an editor for those.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
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Rating: |
Apr 20, 2005 |
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I liked the concept of the story, but the first part anyway seemdd tobe missing something, i will re review it as you post more parts (7/10)
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- Replied by:
rainbow001
(Edit) (Apr 22, 2005)
- Thank you. Any constructive help is much appreciated.
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