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Voyages of the St. Veronica
Author: chksng19
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(Added on May 18, 2005)
(This month 26104 readers) (Total 68146 readers) |
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A story of a Pirate Captain on an unusual slaver, their methods and means. Romantic, often soft, sometimes hard, with some supporting backstory. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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22% |
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44% |
11% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
pejanon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 4, 2006 |
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I admit I prefer spaceships to seafaring Corvettes but I loved flair in flourish in this one. “Fair Bitch”!, right on!
I like the efficient manner in which she is made ‘shipshape’
Please carry on.
(9/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (Mar 4, 2006)
- Thanks for the kind words. More is coming soon!
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| Reviewer:
Lord Douche
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 2, 2006 |
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A very nice story so far, chksng19, and here's to hoping for more updates! There's a pretty big gap in there between 3 and 4, but it seems like you've decided to continue writing it. Good work!
LD (9/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (Mar 2, 2006)
- Thanks for the kind words, sir. More is indeed coming.
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 1, 2006 |
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Well done sir, I for one hope there be no ransom when they encounter the barque. Carry on and we will pace the deck expectantly.
A fine and pleasant tale good Capn' but are ship has lain sails lufting for nigh on months and we hope's ye not be becalmin us agin. We be a crew drawn from the dregs of many a foul port and though we be loyal to a fault it pays not to be trying our patients
(9/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (May 18, 2005)
- Thanks, ML. More fun coming next episode.
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| Reviewer:
nikita
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 22, 2006 |
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Sir Chuck, It was hard to find anything to nitpick about in this story. Even the language of the characters sound pirate-like. Maybe you could make the redhead's language look a little more French, but that's looking for a hair in the soup. Great descriptions of the characters and setting are guided by the well thought out plot. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (Feb 22, 2006)
- High praise from as fine a writer as you, Nikita. Your comments are encouraging!
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 27, 2005 |
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very well written, it was a good read (7/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (Feb 22, 2006)
- Thank you, mkemse. I appreciate your review.
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| Reviewer:
Marco
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2005 |
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*****
Dear "Captain Chuck",
*****
Interesting idea, where "law" is the Captain, "jursidiction" is bounded at a ship's rail, and "country" is a ship and a pirate one at that! An interesting read; more chapters, please!
*****
Comment on crew size which, if not set forth in some detail at the beginning, might have been rather obscure: 120 men is NOT enough for an 80-gunner! Each cannon requires, at a bare minimum, a crew of 3, and this would not allow for depletion by casualties in battle: 2 men cannot long serve a cannon. More likely, on a "line of battle" ship (Which is what you describe, though for a pirate she is unprecedentedly armed.) each gun is crewed by 4 or 5 men. This means that your ship's guns need, at a bare minimum, double your full 120 man complement or 240 men, and more likely 320 or even 400 men. This does not take into account the additional crew necessary to maneuver the ship in a fight: at least 10 per mast (The "St. Veronica" seems, via your "four poster" analogy, to have 4 masts; after the mid-17th C. circa. 1660 C.E. ship's masts were standardized at 3 masts, so your depiction suggests a somewhat earlier ship design: a galleon, or a galleas, or some such.), and so 40 men to work rigging, sails, yards, stays, "ratlines", etc. Add to these a command group (Captain, Mate, Quartermaster, Coxwain, Botswain, at least.) of 5-10 men, a steering & maneuver group of 5 (2 at the quarterdeck wheel, 2 at the below-decks auxilliary wheel, 1 at the tiller), and a minimum surgeon's group of 5 (surgeon, surgeon's mate, nurse, 2 stretcher-bearers), and you have 60 more men above-and-beyond the gun crews. This brings your ship's compliment to a bare minimum of 300, and more likely 380 or even 460. Even if one cuts the gun crews in half (A risky strategy if your ship engages more than one opponent in a battle!) assuming that only one battery of 40 guns might be manned at once ("starboard" or "larboard" [portside] 40-gun battery), there would still require your entire stated crew, 120 men, to man at a bare minimum one 40-gun battery. This would mean your absolute bare minimum crew would be 180 men, and more likely 220 or even 260 men.
*****
I'm not intending to be "nit-picky" here. I like your story and I want your ship to ... "work": be able to be sailed and fought in battle to make believeable your Captain's and ship's company's appetite for tasty prisoners! (Fantasy, whether BDSM-themed or otherwise, calls for each reader to "willingly suspend disbelief"; this is an individual mental process which is, by and large, subliminal. A body of facts describing a story's "sub-universe" helps the transition from familiarity with our own "universe" to an acceptance of the fantasy's "universe". If the facts are subtle things that "don't add-up", they might be overlooked. However, where a key set of parameters are enumerated "right-off-the-bat" but are also inaccurate, a reader might never transition to "willing suspension of disbelief". That's why I chose to comment: to be of-help in making your story "work" from the very first opening lines.)
*****
(I'll look for a couple of good texts for your research when I return from travel to my in-home library and make a second post with these.)
*****
"Bon voyage", "trim your topsails", "set your staysails", sail "close to the wind", "give chase" to your prey "3 points off the starboard bow", "run out your guns", "make short work of 'em", and enjoy "the spoils of war" ... ha, ha!
*****
Respectfully submitted,
... Marco.
(8/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (May 24, 2005)
- Obviously your knowledge is broad; I had a larger crew written in with my first draft; seemed like a lot so I cut it down, figuring a gunfight on only one side at a time.
I appreciate the constructive commentary; most of the information in the story is from pirate movies and the Pirates! game which was hot some years back.
Thanks so much!
Chuck
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| Reviewer:
Ruby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2005 |
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Good Captain, please don't keep us waiting long. You've a delightfully wicked character and I can't wait to see how you and your shipmates teach the young maiden her lessons on manners. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 19, 2005 |
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A good beginning. I'd've liked to see a little more description, a few more names, and it was a little short for a chapter, but these are quibbles. I look forward to the next chapter. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (May 20, 2005)
- Descriptions will come, as will names. As this is such a heavily-used plot scenario, I wanted to fix the stereotypes in reader's minds.... then tear them up.
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| Reviewer:
Vayne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2005 |
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Wonderful writing...very Imaginative....very evil (8/10)
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- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (May 18, 2005)
- Thanks for the kind remarks. Keep an eye open for the next sections!
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