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Tentacles!
Author: Enclosed Lady
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(Added on May 18, 2005)
(This month 17706 readers) (Total 33011 readers) |
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A chemical female scientist tested her new rubber experience to enclose her ex-submissive girlfriend. During the process, the female meet some tormenting uninvited guests.... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
THE Traveller
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2005 |
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Great, concept. A nice example of sci-fi/ bondage.
Loved the descriptions of how the "substance" imprisoned and invaded Dyla. Delicious.
I hope there's a continutaion. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
bracemaiden
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2005 |
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I think that the "OK, but has some promise, the author could improve it" is a fitting comment. The story has started off a bit cold and impersonal, albeit hints of romantic action to follow.
The 3" ball growing, transforming, making sex objects and what not had me struggling to keep the suspension of disbelief that is crucial in these stories.
As Dododecapod already pointed out, the spelling and grammar could use some work. I'ld suggest posting to the forums, and getting in contact with a proof reader to help with the next chapter. Even though I'm a native English speaker, a proof-reader really helped on my next chapter, they could do the same for you. . . (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2005 |
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was way to short to start with (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Enclosed Lady
(Edit) (May 24, 2005)
- Yes mkemse, actually it was an 'experiment', I didn't know if people would enjoy a sci-fi/bdsm story. Was a 'test'. Plus I was busy that week and wanted to finish it. But friends are asking me about a 2nd part..Hm..Maybe.. :)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2005 |
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As a lot of people I've reviewed will say, I have a bit of a thing about spelling and grammar. Poor use of the English language is a major turn off for me.
So, I find it quite strange that I really quite enjoyed your piece. You have excellent imagery and good pacing, combined with a short, pungent style that translates quite well.
I commend you for attempting this in a language other than your own. However, I would suggest you do a little research into the Imperial/American measuring system; I'm reasonably certain you didn't want to impale your protagonist on 1.55 Meters of dildo up the ass. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Enclosed Lady
(Edit) (May 24, 2005)
- Firstly: english is my SECOND language. Spelling and grammar is a result of the 'non-speakin-24hs' a day. By the way I don't remember writing about a 1.55 meters dildo, did I write "meters", don't think so. I usually write about inches. Check that again please...
But at least some people liked, 6 great reviews through email are good enough for me. I write for fun, but 'ya can't please everyone'. Plus, in my native language these stories are full of details - I quite agree that this one was very poor, you just pointed that right. About the rest of the comments 'wow' I didn't know this short-poor-bad-writen-story would create such an impact...Anyway, thanks for everyone's kind words and suggestions, that was really 'nice'...
- Replied by:
Dododecapod
(Edit) (May 25, 2005)
- If I may quote:
"Once inside, the rubber tentacle began to enlarge until it was 6' long and 1'5" thick."
I read that as "six feet long and one foot and five inches thick". I rounded the six feet to 1.55 meters (not precisely accurate, but close enough). Slightly unrealistic.
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