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Helpless Struggles & Muffled Moans
Author: THE Traveller
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(Added on May 31, 2005)
(This month 74040 readers) (Total 96788 readers) |
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A young man and a woman abduct the girl the man loves. But the girl's neighbour also ends up kidnapped by the couple. A bdsm nigtmare awaits for the victims. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Backstabber
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 27, 2005 |
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I got to go with anguisette your plot is good but you lack variety. The idea itself is really awesome but you only give us the front page illustration of the story. You know what I am talking about, you see a promising picture of a fantasy then you actually open the book and it is not what you expected. Okay having said that there are some really good parts to the story that I really enjoyed. It was cool the way you did the beginning of the story, I really believed that she was tied up in the room while he casually went through her items. So don't lose that quality cause that is something I don't see in even good stories that I have read here. Sometimes it is hard to grasp a scene because of poor description of the scene but you did a good job. Also the part where they were transporting the captives was great but it became very long (Hey! Next time nab the nosey chic that is always cool!). Another thing I wanted to see was more training, discipline and torture (Also more forced sexual activity would have been nice this isn't a pre-school site you know.). Don't be afraid to let your imagination work in this department, it is a part of bdsm in my opinion and should be given its balanced place in the story. It was worth reading because it had a good strong storyline to it, it just needs developing a little more. Do me a favor write more because I like the concepts of your stories better than anyone and I think you could have some of the best stories on this site. I look forward to seeing other stories with your name on them and try to continue or improve this one. Don't let others get you down it is a good story all in all. Also get someone to proofread it, they have a place where you can post parts of your story for review and also ask for ideas. I think it would benefit you, cause you can't improve if you don't practice writing. Anyway have a good day and I hope to put a story out soon if I can keep my stupid night job from driving me nuts! Feel free to review my story I would value your input. Thanks. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
THE Traveller
(Edit) (Jun 29, 2005)
- Backstabber, thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the story.
I agree with you, the story doesn't give all of what it's promising to give. I'll work on that side of my writing.
I like the training/ discipline parts in a bondage story as well, I'll be writing a lengthy training in my other story 'Kidnapping & Enslaving A Waitress'. Hope it'll make it up for the lack of training in this one.
Thank you for the support.
Looking forward to reading your story.
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| Reviewer:
anguisette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2005 |
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This story has potential to be great. If the author can get a good editor, it would help greatly. What got on my nerves the most as i read this story was the repetitive language in descriptions-- e.g., every woman is "busty." Also, the series of events lack any transition words to help add variety; everything is "and then he..." "and then she..." Many of the sentences are also constructed strangely, and it makes me wonder if the author writes in English as a second language. That all said, I love the concept, and I would love to read more. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
THE Traveller
(Edit) (Jun 4, 2005)
- Anguisette, glad you liked the concept. You're right about the repetitive descriptions and the strange construction of sentences. Unfortunately this was the result of a problem I had with my Powerbook at the time I was writing this story.
I originally wrote this one for another board. But the copy paste function of my Mac wasn't working. So I had to write this entire story in one sitting as I wrote it inside that small box you use to post a message. Because of that I wasn't able to proof read or check the construction of my sentences.
Thank you for the review.
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