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| Ratings and Reviews: |
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60% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
ReddyforMore
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 2, 2015 |
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It's OK, Brittany, but you need to do a bit of editing. There are a fair number of misspelled words in it, often using the wrong word, which a word processor won't catch if you do a spell check (such as "worm" when you mean "warm," which was one I recall). It's possible in every case to get your meaning, but that sort of thing detracts from the natural flow of a story.
Also, I have to agree with Dododecapod that inhibiting urination for an entire week really STRETCHES the "willing suspension of disbelief." For anyone who's studied fiction at even an "English 101" level, the first thing he or she is taught is that in order to get and retain a reader's attention a writer must establish what's known as "a willing suspension of disbelief," meaning that the reader comes to BELIEVE the characters can be real. Anything a character does, or has done to her or him, which is beyond the point of believability destroys that "head space" for the reader.
I'm no medical expert, so I have no idea WHAT the limit would be that one could keep someone from being able to urinate before her bladder would either burst, or back up into her kidneys and possibly all three would burst, but based on Olga giving them plenty to drink every day, I'm guessing three days would be a sort of maximum limit, perhaps less. Most of us urinate several times each day, and know how it feels if we have to put off urination for even a an hour or two for some reason. I just don't see how anyone could SURVIVE a week like that.
Still, it's a good effort. The tortures are nice; perhaps not as extreme as one would expect from ladies who were torturing the one who murdered their sister, however. And since you ARE writing for a BDSM-reading audience -- and audience which may be used to reading much more EXTREME tortures than what you have in your story -- I see no reason why they have to be this mild to ensure people read it.
One other thing: you said the back-story will come in Part 3. Well, where I found the link to this there was neither a Part 1 or Part 3. Perhaps it was because it was from a subcategory link for stories dealing with heat, which led me to the BDSM library, so I'll see if I can find the other parts here. I just wanted to let you know that there is at least one link out there that has only this one "chapter" in it. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 11, 2006 |
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my kind of story , thanks (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jennifer Rowling
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2005 |
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Another great story by Brittany Heart! Damn this chick can write! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Pinhead
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2005 |
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An amassing story, very erotic and extremely hot (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 5, 2005 |
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This isn't bad, but, I have trouble with some aspects of it. The two sisters aren't overly brutal with their sister's killer; sadistic, yes, but sexy-sadistic, rather than vengeful.
One thing that completely broke my suspension of disbelief is the concept of being unable to urinate for a week. The human bladder will BURST after a point, resulting in a messy and agonizing death - while I can see this as being a snuff method, no one can be prevented from pissing over that long a period and avoid such a death.
There's also the matter of backstory. Surely the sisters want to know WHY their sister died?
This has potential, but I'm not shouting it's praises. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
brittany heart
(Edit) (Oct 5, 2005)
- 1. If you write a story too sadistic nobody will read it - this story is suppose to turn you on, not make you sick - you find vengeance in horror movies, action movies, dramas not in porn. 2. The whole urination thing is another element of fiction, this is fiction, like Star Wars; did they tell Lucas that the movie was too fictitious and disbelieving. 3. The back-story comes in part three, every trilogy: star wars, godfather, scream, at the end you know something you didn't know before, so have patients and thank you for the review
Brit H
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