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Breeding Slave
Author: Masters_lilone
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(Added on Dec 30, 2005)
(This month 47788 readers) (Total 95272 readers) |
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18 year old nikki is trained to be a breeding slave to carry babies for other women who can\'t get pregnant themselfs. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
WyldWyl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 13, 2007 |
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An interesting idea that suffers a little on execution. As has been said, proofread and spell-check. Use some paragraphing, too, it makes the whole thing much easier on the eyes. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 12, 2007 |
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I have to agree with petleah. There may be potential but such an offering is of little use to the reader. In fact, this was quite disapointing considering I expected a story or a part of a story and not just a brief glance at the book cover exerps.
**Edit: I am actually offended at the second part to this tale. The author completely disregarded any and all suggestions made by those who commented, continuing in similar fashion as before. Those who do not learn are condemned to repeat their mistakes. Or, in this case, magnify them.
**Nice to see you learned a bit from your mistakes and actually posted something to read. Unfortunately, your skill levels are bordering on illiteracy. There is no kind way to say it. However, since you appear to actually be taking the time to improve what you are writing, I would suggest the Writer's Block. Go there. You will be brutalized, but you will learn. (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 1, 2006 |
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i have read and reviewed will over 1,500 stories on this site,this may be the worst storyi EVER read on this or any site
i realize you are new, but that has nothing to do with a terrible story, you need to improve on every apect, storyline, grammer, length
ect. ect,
I do wish you all the best of luck on your next post, hopefully it will be a major improvment over this piece
Even new firsttime writer at lease make their stories more the 1 paragraph long (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2006 |
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Sorry, but there is really nothing in the story as the treatment of the doctor. In the second part it did not improve at all. Although the initial idea is good, the workout is below all standards of fantasy. (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
C_Lakewood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2006 |
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I gave it a 2 instead of a 1, because I always
grade short bad papers better than long bad
papers. I was also interested to see that the 2
earliest reviewers -- who complained about a lack
of proofreading -- were themselves guilty. The
question of the day, however, is how could anyone
give this badly-written, 2Kb "story" a 7? (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
chooky_104
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 7, 2006 |
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Terrible grammar. Terrible storyline. (1/10)
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- Replied by:
Masters_lilone
(Edit) (Jan 9, 2006)
- ummmmm... well i'm just starting to write erotic stories so give me a break will ya.
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| Reviewer:
Kev
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 6, 2006 |
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A synopsis as others have said. Flesh it out over a few pages and there might be a nice story to read. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
petleah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 3, 2006 |
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I see potential and promise for your work to become a thorough, enjoyable, and erotic tale. Take your time when expanding your ideas. Patience is a virtue that all readers and authors must adhere to at one time or another. There's no rush that requires submitting a paragraph at a time. Your idea is one many readers are sure to enjoy. A long-awaited, well written chapter is always appeciated more than a few poorly written sentences every 30 seconds. Good luck with your writing. I look forward to reading future chapters. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sweep
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 3, 2006 |
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So short as to be useless - Story is little better than a synopsis (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
redEva
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2006 |
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As Rabbit said there is promisse, interesting start, but do have someone proofread it. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rabbit1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2005 |
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A good start to a story ---suggesst you either get a proof reader before submitting a story or use Word ---for spell check and grammar check or use one of the tools in the authors forum for new authors----Please continue the story as it is interesting (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Masters_lilone
(Edit) (Jan 9, 2006)
- thank you for giving my story a good rating. and i will take your advice on using a proof reader. i'm thinking of scraping this story and re writing it. do you know of any webstites that i can use to grama check my storie?
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