|
|
|
|
|
Joshua\'s Love
Author: dhyanna
|
| |
(Added on Apr 7, 2006)
(This month 89425 readers) (Total 132079 readers) |
| |
A Master and his slut find pain and pleasure |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 21 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
5% |
5% |
5% |
29% |
57% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (9.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 28, 2009 |
| |
I almost didn't get past the very first paragraph, because of its eagerness to come across as literature.
I hate folks who come-up with empty sentences full of $5000-words just to impress the unsuspecting reader.
But as of the second paragraph, luckily, everything immediately settles, when Dhyanna takes over the narrative.
Altough still a tad superfluous, the story has the advantage that Dhyanna's musings and views are very well brought, which saves the whole premise.
JJ (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Polecat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2007 |
| |
Very good. I enjoyed it.
Hope you write more (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
smilie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 26, 2007 |
| |
well worth readding ,Can't wait to read more!!! (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Panplayer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 7, 2006 |
| |
Your writing is technically excellent and quite erotic. But, I do think that more character development would improve it. I realize that is unfair as it is a short story, but if we understood the characters better it would be even more interesting. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
obedientsteph
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 28, 2006 |
| |
very much enjoyed this one just perfect I hope we get another chapter soon
(10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 16, 2006 |
| |
An excellent story! I cannot wait to read the rest of this tale. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dhys shadow
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 16, 2006 |
| |
wonderful, loved every word.......I hang on evey word..thank you so very much.....can't wait for more. (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
xo~clover~xo
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 15, 2006 |
| |
This story is amazing, i am always looking through everyones stories and yours is by far the best ever! i can hardly wait for the next chapter! keep up the awsome work and thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
{pammy}C
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 19, 2006 |
| |
dhy hun this is a truely amazing story i cant wait to read each new chapter... hope all is well with you.
{pammy}C aka pammers (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
tanrob28
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2006 |
| |
very good, totally enjoyed this story, cant wait to read more! (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Ozme52
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2006 |
| |
It's not the type of story I would normally read, none-the-less I enjoyed it. Enough so that I decided to read it again and rate it.
I thought it flows quite well. Your descriptions are well formed and create images that enhance the story-telling.
I have a comment however, regarding the dialogue. I didn't see a single contraction. You've made the characters sound like Star Trek's Data.
I suggest, that as you get near the final draft review, reread the story and do the dialogue outloud. Listen to yourself in order to hear how your characters sound when they talk. Does it sound natural. It may read that way to you, because it matches what you have in your imagination, but if it's going to work, it must sound correct in your ear. Does the dom sound authoritative? Does the sub sound submissive?
Make the changes and go back and read it all again, again do the dialogue outloud.
Good luck. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
(8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Sep 16, 2006)
- About the use of contractions ... they are never used when writing essays. I take off from a student's final grade for using them.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
ascot8111
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 1, 2006 |
| |
The story is a great one. I'd love to see another attempt, without the distracting present perfect tense, and the strange third person to first person switcharoo in the beginning. I think this story'd be beautiful in past tense. "Joshua took the branding tool...", etc. Or not. Good job! (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2006 |
| |
nicely written, good flow great concept, keep it going (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
littlegirl0014
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2006 |
| |
Wonderful! I love reading your story. I love signing on and seeing an update. Keep up the good work! (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Qmoq
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2006 |
| |
(after part 1)
Wonderful stuff, Dhyanna. You've done two things well that no-one else seems to be able to do - write a good blow-job scene, and have a whipping scene that has lots of SWATS (so we know the poor gal is getting a hellova beating) but is still arousing and exciting!
Best of all, the quiet way the Master asserts his authority over the heroine, and how she responds to him, is delectably described.
(after part 3)
It gets better and better, the more the heroine descends into servitude. I look forward to her exploits over the weekend, entertaining the guests. Still consistently excellent and arousing. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dream-misty-lou
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 20, 2006 |
| |
Tip Top sweets got me going *smiles* love you loads hun, whens the next chapter?? kisses and licks all over You xx (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
bigcat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 16, 2006 |
| |
Really well done. Richly textured. Thrown a little by the change of POV after the opening, but nothing major. (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
slavegirl2006
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2006 |
| |
Wow! I do hope there is more coming. Fantastic writing!!! (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2006 |
| |
A beautiful sharing of love and submission. Very well written and enjoyable, surprisingly readable in spite of the back-and-forth narration which can be very hard to handle. (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
chksng19
(Edit) (Sep 17, 2006)
- Machine won't let me edit my own review. *sigh* The continuing story is better with each chapter, and each scene. The love is obvious and honest. And, as in real life, a couple jerks have to screw things up.
Anxious for yet more, please!
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
laursie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 10, 2006 |
| |
This story was perfect. Sweet and harsh; pain and pleasure. (10/10)
|
|
|
About 