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| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
generaldom
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 6, 2006 |
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I really like the concept of the story (I always thought Hogg had the makings of a good villain but it was never really exploited). In all fairness, southern dialects are extremely hard to write, so you have my empathy on that count. My advice on your writing... try adding more narrative description that really gives the reader a vivid picture of what's going on. When you use mostly dialogue and "SOUND EFFECTS" (of which I'm not a fan, but to each his own), it doesn't provide as clear a picture of the action. This is what most readers are after I think.... a feeling of being right there in the room. Also, flat-out torture may not be where you want to go with this (though your elements of B&D say otherwise), but IMO it's a crime to have a story about Boss Hogg without putting Miss Daisy on the receiving end of that long black cigar of his! (evil laugh). (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2006 |
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An enjoyable story, and a pleasent scenario for those of us old enough to have seen the original show (or the recent movie, I suppose...bleah). But your writing needs some work.
You aren't actually bad. Your grammar and spelling are functional, if not excellent, but your mastery of colloquial speech is poor. You are too formal, too correct, and you fail to capture the unique cadence of mid-south US.
You could also improve your vocabulary as regards descriptors and intensitors. Also, you occasionally miss words, which reduces intensity, and breaks immersion.
Still, a pleasent enough little piece. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2006 |
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the story itself was fair, you need to use more terse langue, this is an adult site, the story itself is not realistic and i found it somewhat boring, maybe the dukes of hazzard in a humor way a spoof of a story is simply not cut out to be turned into erotica (5/10)
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