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The Artifact
Author: Aceith
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(Added on Aug 8, 2006)
(This month 57609 readers) (Total 85524 readers) |
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An apparently alien object is found buried at an abandoned mine site. Experience reveals that the object is the 'stuff that dreams are made of', and can deliver one to any fantasy senerio, merely by command. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
oralist
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 8, 2007 |
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i loved the parts where the man was made submissive made to suck cock it would be nice to see the men satisfy animals or be raped by animals i love the way you make him beg for sex iguess i really like the way you write (8/10)
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- Replied by:
jrnd711
(Edit) (Apr 30, 2008)
- Thanks for your comments. I'll keep them in mind. Best to you, Aceith
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| Reviewer:
pet10
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 26, 2006 |
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What an idea! There is a relativity theory in BDSM Library, superb! Unfortunately I don’t like the “hospital torture” I’m afraid of the medical treatments no erotic things for me but it is a well written witty story (8/10)
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- Replied by:
jrnd711
(Edit) (Sep 16, 2006)
- Thank you for the very nice complement...you've made my day. I'll do my best to give you what you want in future stories. Sincerely, Aceith
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| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2006 |
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Very good concept -- really original and has a lot of potential. Needs more description, dialogue, feelings, etc and a lot less narration. You spend more time telling what the hallway was like (look, smell, etc) than the men and women! Also less repetition -- several facts, particularly in the beginning, are repeated two or three times and slowed the story a lot. A bit of work on those, though, and this could be improved considerably! (5/10)
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- Replied by:
jrnd711
(Edit) (Jun 3, 2012)
- The elements you mentioned are important and I'll try to improve on them if I add further chapters. Thanks for your input.
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| Reviewer:
Millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 9, 2006 |
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The idea is original and quite literally opens doors to all areas. I think you could go into greater detail of the fantasies and how he feels about them. It's definitely a good start though. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
jrnd711
(Edit) (Aug 19, 2006)
- Thanks for the postive feedback and I will be attempting to improve these skills over time. Best, Aceith
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| Reviewer:
Wistan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 9, 2006 |
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Not a bad premise, the idea of the mysterious artifact is quite original and an interesting way to get quickly into the story. And the author certainly isn't short of ideas for what to have his characters do to one another!
But the execution just isn't that good unfortunately. I'm always a great fan of dialogue, but there's no talking at all in this story - it's all description. Nor is there much in the way of character description, or exploration of how people are feeling, what their motivations are. It's just a great big list of things people do to each other. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
jrnd711
(Edit) (Jun 3, 2012)
- You're right, this is an important factor and I will attempt to improve on these things if I add future episodes.
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