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Lilly\'s end and beginning
Author: DonDom
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(Added on Sep 8, 2006)
(This month 11909 readers) (Total 23047 readers) |
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Lilly has enough of life. She gives herself away, not knowing where she\'ll end up. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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57% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
elikat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 18, 2006 |
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I think I am in agreement with most of the other comments. It really wasn't a story so much as an idea. Shows promise though and I would like to read a complete version of it. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
t.shirt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 17, 2006 |
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It got lost in translation because it read like a draft. Maybe it was in the excitment to see it up here but quite a few minor corrections could make this a whole lot better. Good luck. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
dennisthmn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 14, 2006 |
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Please write the next chapter soon. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
J's blu
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 9, 2006 |
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i too hope this is just a 'concept' proof write. please expand, edit, work it i would look forward to a finished version. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 9, 2006 |
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I think you have an nteresting idea here, but it is way too short for one thing. And you have typos all over the place. Expanded and cleaned up it could be a good story. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 9, 2006 |
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The story concept was quite good. However, the execution needs to be greatly refined - technical errors abound in this tale. With some fleshing out and a proper edit this tale could prove to be quite good. I hope that "concept to be elaborated" is not a false promise. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 8, 2006 |
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Serious need for a spellchecker here.
Story has hope; an interesting idea presented in a new way. Much more of the thoughts of the girl would help; we have almost no knowledge of her thoughts, of other characters. Character development is needed or the story is just two-dimensional.
Looking forward to more. (6/10)
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