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A Mothers Lament
Author: Jon Maddux
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(Added on Nov 16, 2006)
(This month 35869 readers) (Total 95116 readers) |
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Married wife sacrifices for her family |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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| 9% |
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27% |
9% |
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18% |
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9% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
starglitter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 10, 2011 |
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Needs a little more ongoing mental trauma (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Polecat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 18, 2010 |
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Good story although the last part might have been better if it had been broken into paragraphs.
But that's just me. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
agirlsfantasy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 29, 2010 |
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Its a good story but i can't stand to read about incest. YUCK. Other than the incest it was a great read. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Feb 3, 2010)
- What on earth are you talking about? I dont even think you read this story there is nothing about incest in it? Its about a married mom who trades her body for a home loan, there is NOTHING about incest in it moron!
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| Reviewer:
nloah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 11, 2009 |
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For me personally, it was not extreme enough. But, grammatically the story was fine. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mermaid Master
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 8, 2008 |
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This is a really well done story if you are into strong NC sex. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Dec 9, 2008)
- Thank you for your kind words. I hope if you have time you read and review many more of my stories. I have tried to learn from my critics and evolve as a writer, perhaps my stories are better written now then when i began. i look forward to reading more of your reviews.
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| Reviewer:
g3po2
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2007 |
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Paragraphs are perhaps a concept to which this author was never exposed. This story is so difficult to read, that I doubt you can get past the first screen without hitting the "back" button. (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
anonymouse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 20, 2007 |
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Hello Jon,
I think you have a good story here however, the formatting of the text made it extremely difficult for me to read.
If this was my story, I'd break those huge paragraphs down into many much smaller ones. The old writers' rule-of-thumb of one idea per paragraph is worth remembering.
Following on from this and with respect to dialog, my personal preference is to separate it as much as possible from narrative. At the very least, each character should be afforded their own paragraph for dialog. It's my experience that doing this will greatly enhance the pace of your action.
I hope my review is of some use to you. As mentioned at the outset, I think you have a good story buried in there. Reformatting the presentation will bring that to the fore :) (5/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Mar 21, 2007)
- Thank you very much for taking time to give me good quality feedback. I have been trying to make my paragraphs a little smaller, when i first started writing i would have like 3-4 during the whole story. I am still trying to figure out how to pare them down. I have 2 proof readers to now help me try to make the stories flow better and i need the help! I will definitely try to pay better attention to those areas in future submissions.
JM
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| Reviewer:
tbear4759
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 20, 2007 |
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could be better (5/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Feb 21, 2007)
- Now i dont mind criticism but if your going to take the time to complain about my writing please take the time to tell me how to improve it. Complaining for the sake of complaining does me no good as a writer.
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| Reviewer:
longsong
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 17, 2006 |
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Great start can't wait for the rest. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 17, 2006 |
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do you plan to addm ore, if so i will adjust my review as more is posted good job so far (7/10)
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