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Drinking and Driving
Author: Jon Maddux
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(Added on Jan 5, 2007)
(This month 10152 readers) (Total 19318 readers) |
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A married woman who frequents a bar to unwind from married life has one to many and a secret admirer. She gets something stiff but its not just a drink. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
oldwino
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 16, 2007 |
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Short hot nasty rape story. Yery well written. Hope to see more and nastier. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Jan 17, 2007)
- I thank you for your positive comments! If you are looking to read more of these types stories by me i have posted several on this site now. I would love to have them read and reviewed by as many people as possible.
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| Reviewer:
BlackIrish1495
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 6, 2007 |
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I enjoyed this very much and hope to read more of your work (8/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Jan 6, 2007)
- I have now posted several stories here on the site. You can find them under my name if you get time to do a search by author. THanks for taking time to post a review.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 6, 2007 |
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short but sweet, good job (9/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Jan 6, 2007)
- thank you
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 5, 2007 |
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Very good for a first attempt. Assuming you are serious about writing tips here goes.
First it's a story that's pretty common around here, to make it shine you need to pump up the characters, make them come alive. Dialouge helps a lot, description slows the story down so work the descriptions into the action and dialouge. Don't feel the need to describe every detail of a characters appearence, only those that help tell the story.
Oh yeah the rule of threes, never use three or more adjetives in a row in a discription
swollen, hard, precum oozing, head would be better off as a hard swollen head or a precum oozing head but the whole mouthful (pun) is a little excessive
Keep writing you could become really good at this.
Ment in the most contructive way,
Mad Lews (8/10)
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- Replied by:
JonMaddux
(Edit) (Jan 5, 2007)
- Thank you for taking time not to just review but to give me insight into developing the stories i am writing. Yes i was very serious about constructive criticism. You dont become a better chess player by playing people less skilled than yourself! So in order to evolve i need good quality critiques that help me not the mindless vague bashing that many people throw around in the review areas. I was a little at odds because i try to write the story like i would a roleplay in a chat room, building a scene so the reader would feel immersed. I hadnt thought about it well enough to seperate the roleplay detail from a story. It would make sense that people might not want too much detail when put the way you did. I experimented with using dialogue but it never sounded genuine it came across as hokey so i try to keep it scaled back to telling the story as though the narrator is having a flash back. Would it help evolve the flashback style if i stated from the beginning something that lets the readers know its a flashback?
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