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The Toy
Author: Sam
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(Added on Sep 27, 2001)
(This month 11304 readers) (Total 30372 readers) |
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Employee of a diamond shop is caught stealing and blackmailed into humiliating submission. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (4/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2006 |
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with the codes you had, the story should have been, could have been much better, plus you need spell checking realy bad (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2001 |
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Unlike everyone else, in this case, I don't have too much problem with the
fractured English.
I agree with Hyphen666 that the author is probably not a native speaker of
English. If that's true, I admire his bravery in even making the attempt.
My problem is that the story itself (language aside), is horrible. In the first
sentence we're lusting after Lisa who is never mentioned again. Why did we bother
to invent her?
The janitor is sneaking around trying to take pictures up Trish's skirt. This is
high school stuff (maybe jr. high). I would agree with Hyphen666 that the
incident photographed would constitute sufficient grounds for blackmail, however,
the whole theft and subsequent blackmail is so contrived and unrealistic that I
just don't buy it. That's where I agree with ownedgirl. There are no adults in
this story. The humiliation here is not getting naked and putting out for a group,
it's doing it for a bunch of leering, smirking kids. Fortunately for Trish,
she's a bit too dim to appreciate that.
Anyway, so now we're naked and we've been spanked and fucked and we've sucked
everybody off. Now what? Something original, maybe? To be continued.
I HATE THAT SHIT. If you're going to write a story, write one. Finish it. Don't
just scribble a few paragraphs and send it off with "to be continued" for an ending.
If the author can't be bothered to finish it, why should anyone bother to read it?
Which brings up my other pet peeve which is that this uncompleted crap actually
gets posted. At least on this site, I'm provided with the opportunity to express
my contempt for such practices.
By the way, whatever happened to the stolen diamonds? They seem to have
disappeared just like Lisa. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
ownedgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2001 |
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As for the butchered use of the language, and the very weak writing skills, i agree with hyphen666 completely... i disagree on there being justification for the submission... Although the author gave us no glimpse into Trish's background, we must assume that she is at least partially educated, with an I.Q. above her shoe size... This reviewer is growing tired of reading these blackmail for sex/humiliation stories with no realism to them !! Not completely relating to this story but still having pertinence, how often must we be made to try to believe that a mature, educated proffessional woman is gooing to go to pieces, develop an I.Q. of a mushroom, revert back to 1961, and say, " Oh yes mr./Ms. blackmailer, I will allow mysel to be gangraped nightly, and to be led around town half naked, on a lead, with cum dripping off my chin, just please don't show anyone that old nasty photo!!" Again people, this is 2001... As for this story, the very typical woman will immediately know that even if she is turned in, this is a slap on the wrist, probation offense, and how about her turning the table on the janitor. Why the camera, what else is on the film in that camera, maybe questions he doesn't want to answer!!! I know this is all fantasy and imagination, I just believe we need some realism, especially in this type of story. A little creativity on the part of the writers, and the ' victims ' can truly be backed into a realistic corner... (3/10)
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- Replied by:
hyphen666
(Edit) (Sep 28, 2001)
- I agree with 99 percent of what you said. However in this particular case I was taken by the fact that our heroine was shown committing a crime that would certainly put a major dent in her life, even if she got off with probation. To me that constituted some justification for what would then transpire. Now as to how far she should go, that's another issue of course.
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| Reviewer:
hyphen666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2001 |
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Good justification for Trisha's submission, a stumbling block for some blackmail stories. Plot development is fair. What kills this one for me is the horrible misuse of the english language, which is evidently not the author's native tongue. (4/10)
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