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| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (4/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
MycroftXXXX
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 24, 2007 |
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This story has some nice sadistic elements with a tender ending, which could make it a nice little tale. My problem is that the way it was really kept me from feeling any heat from it. The most obvious gripe is that pretty much every sentence begins with he or she, mix it up a little. It throws of your rhythm and makes the entire story seem monotonous. Besides, when the slave is getting whipped by another woman it is hard to tell what is going on. At one point the slave wonders why "she" wore the bra, with the she in a quotation (presumably of the thought). If you want to have her think about herself in third person, establish it more, especially since you use she so much in the story. Otherwise it just looks sort of silly to me. (4/10)
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