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Picnic
Author: Callidus
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(Added on May 18, 2007)
(This month 13258 readers) (Total 23360 readers) |
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Little occurs at a picnic, but a man in a fantasy setting finds and elven woman picnicking and gets the drop on her. He's not very nice at all. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 23, 2007 |
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I don't generally disagree with chksng, and I'm not disagreeing with his critique here — just his score — but I felt this was a worthwhile story. A good editor would've brought it up another point, and it seemed to me that a few of the things that occured would've been impractical or impossible given the position he had her tied in (another point). The theme was interesting and underrepresented in recent months on this site. The genre was old-fashioned D&D, which frequently had a B&D subtext way back when. The STORY I liked, and it showed some real inventiveness (use of ears and toes, for examples). The execution could be improved. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2007 |
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Interesting for what it is. A detailed description of brutal rape and torture. A bit of background as to the who, what, and more importantly, why, would add to the story immensely. Fairly good effort in a genre we see little of here. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 19, 2007 |
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Lots of errors still there; wrong forms of words and phrases (i.e. 'us explorers' is wrong, 'we explorers' would be correct), capitalizations in the middle of sentences, etc. A good proof reader might help.
The largest concern I have with the story is NO CODES. Your audience needs to be informed; not to do so is to cheat, anger, or disgust readers looking for different types of stories. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Snark
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 19, 2007 |
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Interesting. Rather brutal, but that's the idea. Fairly well edited. Not many descriptive details, but in this genre we don't get into the character's mind as much as their parts. Tough picnic location, though. (8/10)
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