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Sex slave punished by husband
Author: ShirlsJr
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(Added on Jul 24, 2007)
(This month 43817 readers) (Total 67224 readers) |
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Sad story of a sex slave that has a control freak husband. She is punished relentlessly for minor mistakes. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
chzwiz007
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 26, 2011 |
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Only reason it got an 8 was because I had a hard on at the end. Characters, impossible shit, editing. Fix it.
The girl should be young, from some place like Bangladesh. Make her short and slight, like a spinner. Have her sold at 12 with a phony birth certificate. She does not know the law so she goes along with everything. Since she works at the restaurant, she could escape any time. That means she has to get some pleasure out of this.
Narrate from the sadist's point of view. Let him tell us who he is and why he is beating the shit out of this little girl. How did he get her? How does he keep her from running to the police?
Do not beat the brat with a baseball bat. Whip her with a belt or a small Singapore cane. Do not over do it.
Make us believe this is possible. (It actually is! You can buy these girls in the Bay Area. Some guy from India got busted with a bunch of sex slaves he was pimping and selling outright.) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Ripples
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 3, 2008 |
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My first review (edit few times)The guy what a asshole. The female like all females need discipline &control. The baseball bat a bit much. But easy to read just work on the spelling. Hope to read some more from you! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Pussycat Sam
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 3, 2007 |
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Great content but watch out for your spelling. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2007 |
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Well, first of all the guy in your story was a dick! LOL Your writing isn't bad but you have a lot of typos ... furry isn't fury! Trust me, that guy has no furry in him at all! And some sort of character development would be nice. If this guy is this much of an ass, it would be nice to know why. And more importantly, why does the chick stay with him. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
ShirlsJr
(Edit) (Jul 27, 2007)
- thanks, i'll definitely take your comments into account. Stay updated for new stories!
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| Reviewer:
pinkpansy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2007 |
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please, please continue, this is how females SHOULD be treated (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
DeGrinch
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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You need to expand the characters more, give them each more motivation for their actions, make them come alive for the reader. Your paragraphing could use some work. That said, your story was easy to read, with good spelling. Write some more, you show promise, and should improve. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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A laundry list of sadistic displays without to much in the way of rhyme or reason. Neither character offers any hint as to the whys and wherefores.could use a plot I suppose. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
masterdw
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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I am sorry, but this is just the kind of story that I do not like. Any asshole can cause pain and to beat someone into reluctant submission or until she passes out is not a plot. In addition there were a number of mistakes that made me wonder if English is your native tongue. Just one: beer is not bear. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
ShirlsJr
(Edit) (Jul 27, 2007)
- Dear Masterdw,
i realize that there wasn't much of a plot but what i intended to do was display the cruelty of one person to another. His very asshole-ness is what i wanted to emphasize. Thanks for your comments and stay updated i hope you will enjoy my other stories better!
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| Reviewer:
mike uk reader
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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This story about a man's extreme sadistic violation and sexual torture of the woman in his life will not appease many that visit this site,looking for the usual BDSM story of real reluctant sexual activity.
As for myself, I found this work of fiction a complete refreshing change from the norm and well written, if this is your first attempt at erotic writing, please carry on you have excellent talent. The only slight fault I wish to mention is that you give a little more attention to detail, perhaps the story is in parts rushed to quickly. That said,I would love a follow-up and to end my review might I suggest one for your thought's - Sex slave punished by husband and mistress - LIKE THE "BOSS MANS" REVIEW PLACED HERE. let's have more, That's another order. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
ShirlsJr
(Edit) (Jul 27, 2007)
- Thanks for your support! i guess everyone has their own twisted fantasies and this was one of mine.
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| Reviewer:
Eric Boss
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2007 |
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Hit every button for me. Write more, that's an order. (10/10)
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