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su-li and Donkey
Author: A.Broadsword
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(Added on Mar 23, 2008)
(This month 26047 readers) (Total 46091 readers) |
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Oxford graduate falls foul of Luck fu to become two dollar whore who enjoys sex with Eeore the Donkey |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
nassim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 3, 2011 |
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Another misunderstood gem. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Eric Boss
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 15, 2009 |
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Your imagination is so in tune with mine ... I can't thank you enough ... I hope your ocontinue writing .......... fucking brilliant story .... (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 29, 2008 |
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As the others have said, there is the outline of a real story here. This is a shambles, though, because of bad grammar, misused caps, and more.
Expand this story to about 20 times the size, going slowly and carefully to make the story fun. Have it edited by someone who cares. Then post it again. Good luck! (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
fellatrix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 28, 2008 |
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Possibly some nice ideas here, but perfunctory writing. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
pangent617
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 27, 2008 |
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The ideas had some merit, but the writing damaged the story immensely. The writing is jerky not only because the thoughts are incomplete, but also the ideas collide. The violence seems gratuitous and not really necessary. There is little character description so it is difficult to identify with either the victim or the perpetrator. Again the idea has merit but it needs a lot more in the way of rendering. I am sorry that I can not rate it higher, but hopefully you can find a way to develop the writing to justify your novel ideas. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 26, 2008 |
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This could do as a pitch to some producer, because it just reads like a pitch, or synopsis, if you like. Between most sentences, there's like complete books missing. Writing a short story doesn't mean you have to leave out the storyline, plot and body of the tale.
Actually, I should give you a 10, for you are the first person I 'encounter' that manages to cram, what seems like a 600-page book, into a 5kb textfile.
I'm not going to argue over eventual writing skills, because first, it's not my place, and second, the story, massacred tho it seems, still has potential... if the time should be taken to work it out properly...
JJ (5/10)
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