|
|
|
|
|
Ponyfarm
Author: Aibo
|
| |
(Added on Nov 19, 2008)
(This month 30771 readers) (Total 66708 readers) |
| |
The egocentric Master push his poor slaves to the limit, and past breaking point, in his pursuit of his twisted sexual needs. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
57% |
0% |
0% |
14% |
0% |
29% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jkim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 15, 2012 |
| |
gyrl liked the descriptions, but without diaglog and being given only the end results, not the process by which they were enslaved, leaves gyrl wanting. try again, more dialog, more "how it happened." (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 2, 2011 |
| |
It may be intentional but there is little to tell which ponygirl is which. The trouble is i got confused between them. This authors usage of English is rather stilted which makes reading the story rather tedious. If Aibo's native language is not English then i recommend he publishes in his own language or get someone to proof read the story before submitting it. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
bonnieb
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 8, 2009 |
| |
Style be damned! Tough, sadistic. Thanks! (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
a.broadsword
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2008 |
| |
Hard to read, needs double line spacing between paragraphs perhaps, Lot of description, somewhat disjointed and unbelieveable, but nothing yet about how the girls arrived at this state.
The English is stilted, "She Cry" is one example,"The egocentric Master push his poor slaves to the limit, and past breaking point, in his pursuit of his twisted sexual needs." should be pushes so it is pretty poor, and although I love Ponygirl stories I honestly think you need a re think, a re edit and plan the progression through the chapters.
See the Reluctant Pony by Rilawild for some ideas.
(5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2008 |
| |
The first thing I have to comment on is the negative. Technically, this tale needs much shoring up. Mistakes were quite abundant. My guess is that this did not go through a proper period of editing. It "felt" unfinished. There was also an overly clinical feel to this piece, reading more like a lengthy description of a situation rather than a story. Finally, changes in voice did not aid in this piece at all.
On the good side - I can see that real effort was put into this piece. The erotic visions were thorough, despite weak construction and I can see a real potential if this author allows his (her?) stories to gestate find proper editing. Also, I would recommend joing the Writers Block in the forums. It could help you to eliminate some of the mistakes that new authors tend to make. (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Aibo
(Edit) (Nov 23, 2008)
- Hello H Dean, thank you for your review.
Yes I say thank you since you attempted to be constructive.
However, the story got a setting where we wont see any witty and intelligent conversation, for obvious reasons.
It is clinical, deliberately so, the 'Master' of the story cant be a person that is in connection with his feelings or his victims.
I wanted to keep it mercilessly short, and merciless it is. :P
And two, my wordprocessor screams blue murder when writing in a foreign language like english. So I wrote it in Wordpad instead and yes it was a bit of effort.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2008 |
| |
love the theme and the story (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
dennisthmn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2008 |
| |
Very good. I like pony girls (10/10)
|
|
|
About 