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Her Last Request
Author: Sttorm Forelhost
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(Added on Jun 7, 2010)
(This month 8433 readers) (Total 17138 readers) |
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After a man trails them, his woman and sister, to nothing more than a dead end way of life. They reveal themselves and he turns them down. Only to find himself at their mercy to fulfill their wishes by force….He learns his place and error of his ungrateful disrespectful ways of living. Allowing not only the woman to carry out her desires, most importantly his sister is fulfilled. Before their end comes upon them all….. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 16, 2010 |
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This story makes complete sense, but only after the tenth joint, or (in my case) a crate of beer.
Problem is that when you sober-up you can't remember which parts exactly made sense, so, to get back into it you should start all over again, which could become a costly affair in the end.
So, I'll stick to what Michael Alexander wrote (except for the grammar part, as I feel Sttorm isn't English speaking --the double 'tt' in Sttorm indicates a scandinavian descendency), and grant a 4 score.
JJ (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 15, 2010 |
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It's not often that I come away from a story feeling just a bit confused. But to be honest, this story left me wondering about a lot of things. What was this religion that they were being persecuted for? Why did the sister want to have sex with her brother? What the hell is going on?
*** Ninety five percent of this story is dialog. While I am a big fan of dialog, since it moves a plot along very nicely, making practically the whole story dialog leaves out to many things, like setting scenes, character description, character feelings, all of which effect the depth of the story. Granted, the end of each dialog sentence was a shortened action sequence, but this sentence construction was repeated over and over. It also didn't help that the author never named his characters, leaving us floundering in a sea of "hers" and "shes" with the occasional "sister" or "woman" thrown in to give us a hint.
*** There were a couple of minor errors that distracted, but nothing to major. Grammatically, this was pretty good.
*** The sex scenes were pretty good, building tension where it was needed. I admit, I kind of wonder why this was coded F/mf when it probably should have been F+/m, but I guess there was just enough submissiveness in one of the girls to go for the combo rating.
*** I sort of felt as if the climax (every one orgasming and then the gas) was sort of anti-climactic. What was the point of the suicide/murder? Was it a political point? Religious? And if it was, why wasn't more given to us to make us see why such a sacrifice was ironic or important. I felt like it was just a convenient way to end the story. Add to that a lot of strange confessions and issues during the whole scenario, and it felt slightly complicated. Just as my mind was about to work on issue number one, I got introduced to issues 2, 3, 4, and 5, in fast order.
*** For a first story, this one certainly demonstrates the author has a lot of promise. He's got a pretty good grasp of grammar and the basic of story construction. I look forward to seeing what else Sttorm Forelhost comes up with next. Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (5/10)
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