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Brat Control
Author: iceblock
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(Added on Jun 17, 2010)
(This month 106817 readers) (Total 123617 readers) |
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Disturbing story about the break-down of the relationship between Mother and Daughter, and the teenage girl's sexual assault and domination of her Mother. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
studmaster58
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 26, 2011 |
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Just needs more development and continuation....very erotic theme. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 21, 2010 |
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Personally i liked the detail about the twins, it helped me understand why the daughter had such feelings about her mother. Being the youngest of three (sister and brother 15 and 18 years older respectively), i know to well how such feelings can arise. The story does seem a tad unlikely though, so i am interested to see where you are going with the next installment.
i do ask though if you could please use a larger type size preferably 12 or even 14 point, my eyes are not what they used to be. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
switchy76
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 19, 2010 |
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brilliant. lucky forward to reading more. i hope the story turns into a slavery story where the daughter totally owns her mother. also been a perv lol, i hope we get plenty ass worship in the next one. her mother needs to sniff and eat out her daughters asshole for sure lol.
just a idea. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 17, 2010 |
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It seems that neither Monique nor Iceblock planned things very thoroughly, because, the only thing I found to be disturbing about "Brat Control" was its lack of substance.
Okay, so the descriptions were rather good and the thought behind the narrative somewhat enticing. But the execution of it all leaves to be desired, because the actors don't move within an alternate world, but within the too stringent confines of a screenplay. A screenplay in which the world doesn't expand beyond the house of Monique and Sharon, thus creating the possibilities the author had in mind.
But just because the script is too narrow, the story doesn't work. Even when holding on to the concept of suspension of disbelief.
Not a bad write, but again one that is hard to swallow and which leaves lots of room for improvement.
Letting the people in the story act and react as ordinary humans, instead of some prefabricated robots, would be a good start.
And keeping things simple as well, like, not involving too complicated a situation, with a husband (who is absent) and two toddlers (who aren't needed to get to the point where we are).
Just the basics: a teen with an agenda and a grudge against a mother who's trying but fails and on top has a submissive streak. Now, there's too much unneeded stuff cluttering things.
JJ (6/10)
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- Replied by:
iceblock
(Edit) (Jun 18, 2010)
- Thanks for your interest in my story and review Jimmyjump. Don't know how you managed it so quickly given I didn't even know it was 'public' yet, Lol. I don't really understand much of your criticism, which is cool, but I will take into account what you have said, as well as anyone else who might be so nice as to respond, in writing the Final Part. I do agree with one thing you've written though, in my own terms, a little too much salad and not quite enough meat, ie clutter, just thought it necessary to provide the reader with a little background which led to Monique assaulting Sharon in the way that she has.
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