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Pleasant party
Author: Natasha Mosside
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(Added on Jun 27, 2010)
(This month 8223 readers) (Total 11549 readers) |
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I need new ideas on how to wreck my slave's life. So we phoned up a callback service! |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
bracemaiden
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 2, 2011 |
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Natasha Mosside should have some pre-story and post-story to make the characters real. This was too short to contain all of the ideas that it tried to.
You know, Jimmy Jump's review was better than the story! (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2010 |
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Natasha should write this paragraph down on a 'post-it' and stick it to her computer as a reminder to, one day, write a story evolving around this idea.
Because, that's what "Pleasant Party" is: an idea. Poured into a paragraph and then posted because of, what, lack of time? Who knows.
Besides what Dryhill mentioned, I might add that you never blackmail a friend, or when you do, you don't have the faintest idea of what 'friend' means.
Secondly, you don't "wreck" a slave. If and when you do, you gonna run out of slave pretty quick.
Third, our bubbly schoolteacher has squeezed a fortune from her slave, yet she's still earning a buck as a teacher. And then complaining she's got no time for pleasure because of the job, while her riches are gathering cobwebs in a bank vault. Yeah, right.
Next to having planted a story on the Library which is shorter than a lot of people's shopping list, Natasha still manages to confuse the reader with stuff which doesn't make sense; a lot of contradictions; a few spelling/grammar/syntax errors; a title which is misleading as there's no party to be seen nor is there anything pleasant about this text; and a narrative bordering on moronic.
And to top things off, I got tricked into writing a review which is longer than this so-called story itself...
Well, at least the writing was okay, hence the four rating instead of a one.
I say, get back to the drawing board and come back when you've got a *real* story to post...
JJ (4/10)
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