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The Organization
Author: Masterinc
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(Added on Nov 13, 2010)
(This month 146250 readers) (Total 241167 readers) |
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A dark tale of capture, subjugation, and enslavement of a young woman and her mother. A much different story than Third Party Guardian. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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| 1 |
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13% |
38% |
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13% |
38% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
amina70
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 9, 2011 |
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Love it!!!! I love kidnappingstories ,that women are taken by force and trained to be slaves...since it is my fantasy to be kidnapped too......i almost envy these women in the story.The story is one of the best. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Subforhim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2011 |
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I love the writing. I truly enjoy his way of training her thus far. Look forward to the rest of the chapters (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sojurboy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2011 |
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Good imagination, and the story line is well thought out. The writing style is mechanical, and the characters don't have real life to them. With closer attention to detail, this writer's story telling ability will become more real. Don't give up, and don't get bent by constructive criticism. You have the imagination; now work on your skills. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
sub_Miss64
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 6, 2010 |
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loved it cant wait for more!!!! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
tjlewis132
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 18, 2010 |
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A rather mechanical rendering by Masterinc. For instance, her name used over and over in the same paragraphs. Maybe try usuing a 'she' or 'her' once in awhile for a better flow. Also not much in describing the punishments. And, have to agree with JJ, not really a professional abduction, especially since he's involved with 'millions' of others in that dastardly organization. On the other hand, I believe the author does show promise. J LEWIS (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2010 |
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I agree with the Major. Couldn't care less about the cat sitting on the mat, but "The Organization" is too much about the abducter instead of the abductee; meaning that this story would work way better when written from a third person perspective.
Also, there's too many instances where the author wants to come across (or wants to make the story come across) as if everything was thoroughly thought out, while in fact the abducter's plans are amateurish at best.
The last part, about the drowning and smashing of the phone, for instance. I'm not an abductor, but I would have bought a GSM (European cellphone) of which the SIM-card is interchangable. No need to smash an expensive phone: just destroy the SIM-card and put in a new one...
JJ (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2010 |
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I'm completely bemused by the 10/10 rating, the cat sat on the mat style of the prose, the lack of speech marks,or reasonable length paragraphs, the stilted dialogue, more correctly monologues, the horribly convoluted and unbelieveable plot, a girl size toolbox for instance really this is something that needs revisiting as otherwise it is a re hashing of a story already published here many many times and to be honest it is not as good as most. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
rocket71
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2010 |
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Sould make a great story. (10/10)
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