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The Kim Chandler Prison for Women
Author: The Bitchfinder General
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(Added on Dec 19, 2010)
(This month 49609 readers) (Total 80358 readers) |
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A story set in a dark post-feminist future where a woman who suffered for some years gains power and takes revenge upon her own sex. She runs, among other things, a cruel and brutal prison for women. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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17% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
worthlessfem
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 31, 2011 |
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I've read a few of The Bitchfinder General's stories. He seems to have gone quiet for a while which is a shame
To be honest I think his stories vary a lot. Some of them are great and others a bit less so.
He always writes well but there's times when the ideas get in the way of the story.
I love his universe (I've created a fantasy world of my own that I've written a couple of stories about which I probably ought to get around to posting here) but it isn't always fully developed.
In terms of this story, the atmosphere I love; the actual believableness - well, I'll let that go, to be honest.
Even great writers like Katie Smith and Joe Doe need you to do a bit of disbelief suspending!
Overall I found it very good. I love the way that a power-crazed woman who's been abused herself gets her revenge on other women.
I think I'd like you to write a sequel so we can see a bit more development, though.
Good as it is but I want more, please!
Gave it an 8 because the story isn't quite as strong as it could be. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
avidreader
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 23, 2010 |
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Well, i dunno why people come to a porn site and expect some sort of classic literature to be given to them. I liked this story, it got me off while i masturbated to it. Way to go. Id give you more than a 7 if i could get off more than once, but it was short. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Dec 27, 2010)
- avidreader - I just wanted to drop you a small note and explain that one of the main reasons people post to the BDSM Library is to receive constructive feedback that helps them become better writers. I myself have posted over twenty stories here, including two novels, and have (in some cases) gleaned some nuggets of experience from doing so. Authors are of course free to disregard or ignore any advice given, but it is what we come for.
*
I couldn't help chuckling though, after reading your very own, orgasm based, rating system.
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| Reviewer:
FP37
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 22, 2010 |
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I feel this story has some merit. It is an interesting scenario, though there is too much minor background detail before the action begins in earnest. I am intrigued to see how the author will portray the scenes within the prison. There is a great deal of BDSM mileage in prison situations, and I hope Bitchfinder General will be able to take advantage of the opportunity. I will be looking out for the next chapter. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 22, 2010 |
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I was a little stymied by this story. First of all, the concept was terribly far fetched, but that said, I could slide with it. Mostly. Sorta. Okay, it got even more unbelievable as we went on. The number of "convenience" explanations the author used was rather high, and that's what damaged the believability. When your world is this skewed, don't bother explaining WHY. Just start the story off and let the reader immerse themselves in it without preconceptions. Trying to explain things so that it fits in our world view just makes the story tough to swallow.
*** Tense. This story vacillates between present tense and past tense. It's very distracting. Most of the "explanations" are present tense, but even some of the action is that way. Pick a tense (preferably past) and stay with it. It helps the continuity of your story.
*** This story is chock full of incredibly detailed and thought out torture concepts. I loved them. Everything from the torture corset to the punishment room, it was all very creative.
*** The second half of the story is almost entirely dialog. This is in direct conflict with the way the first part of the story is written. Dialog is a great way to MOVE your plot, but if it's all you have, you sacrifice depth and detail. Space out your dialog throughout the story. Trust me. It will really help. For example, at the beginning of the story, the author spends a lot of time explaining to us the rules of the prison. Why not create a character, that Jenny Smith from later in the story, and have her "processed"? She gets to hear the rules, rather than the narrator just telling us. It's called "show" don't "tell" in the movies. Think of the narrator as a voice over. In this case, WAY TO MUCH. Then in the latter half of the story, the author sacrifices description for the sake of dialog. Again, the imbalance is... difficult to deal with.
*** From a plot perspective, I've got the feeling that there really wasn't much of one. The author created this amazing fantastic world in which all sorts of perverted abuse and rape can happen at any second, and we just sort of lumber along with out a clear concept of WHAT is supposed to happen. I almost got the feeling that the plot was INTRODUCING THE READER TO THE PRISON. Sure, that could work, but the focus keeps switching. Before you start writing, plan out your plot. Some authors draw an arch. At the bottom left they create a protagonist and an antagonist. A little higher up they create a "problem" for the protagonist to face. In this case it could even be "surviving" the prison, or maybe escaping or even capturing the Mayor. Whatever. At the top of the arch you add your climax, when everything changes for your protagonist and things reach their peak excitement! Then on the downward slope you add your resolution. A plot is VERY important.
*** This story shoes that the author has some promise. The creativity is there, but the vehicle nees some work. This is also the author's first posted work, so we need to take into account that the author may not be Hemmingway. I know I'm sure as hell not as good as Hemmingway. In any event, I think this story, and especially this world, shows a lot of promise. I hope there are further stories of The Kim Chandler Prison For Women.
Yours Faithfully,
Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 20, 2010 |
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Pretty badly thought out, I suppose if you hate women it might seem erotic but then again I dont so I dont if you see what I mean, the Grammar is ok so I guess its a 4 (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
tjlewis132
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2010 |
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A 'town' with its own prisons, only females. Droves of tourists that gets the same unimaginable treatment and keeps pouring in. WTF, I guess the husbands would go along with it and say... Well, guess I'll have my wife or daughter tossed into a torturous pit for a few years, what the hell, nothing better to do. What friggen' country could this happen in that no one, especially women, would object too? And what women would continue to live there, or go there, it certainly couldn't be a secret. Even the death sentence without appeals to a higher court somewhere in that country? I can go on and on and fiction's one thing, but this is utterly unrealistic. The bitchfinder general must smoke some strange stuff to come up with this fantasy. Sad thing is, you seem to be not really a bad writer when it comes to mechanics. Sorry... A five, and that's pushing it because of the mechanics... J LEWIS (5/10)
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