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Premonitions
Author: Snark
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(Added on Dec 19, 2010)
(This month 59885 readers) (Total 74171 readers) |
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A business trip opens the door to another set of experiences that changes a couple's life forever. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (9/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 5, 2011 |
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Very well written and surprising story. I have the same qualms as Curtis. However, not so much about the technicalities of the transition itself, but because I'm not too keen on the male perspective on all things sexual. Except my own, that is.
JJ (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Snark
(Edit) (Feb 5, 2011)
- Thank you. Perspectives can be enlightening. Of course so can electricity. Just depends on how you plug it in...
- Replied by:
Snark
(Edit) (Feb 5, 2011)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 21, 2010 |
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This is starting very well. It looks (after part one) to be quite realistic. It's also literate (good grammar, spelling, punctuation), and it's developing in a measured, natural manner.
The only stylistic problem I'm having is with your transitions between the third person omniscient while concentrating on Carol and the first person while concentrating on yourself. So far I'm not seeing a need to switch at all (I'd prefer if the whole thing was third person omniscient), and when you do I need better notification of the change. Perhaps you could doublespace down to a bar (*****), then doublespace down again before starting the new point of view. Changing fonts is my preference, but I know that's tricky on this site.
By the way, I like the characters, and I appreciate that no one appears (so far) to be a villain. I hope that holds. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Snark
(Edit) (Dec 21, 2010)
- Thank you, Curtis. The transition is, of course, the hardest thing to manage without a device to separate and, yes there are site issues in play. I'll try your suggestion. But there can't be interest without tension and conflict. A villain is in play! All people have their frailties.
- Replied by:
Curtis
(Edit) (Jan 24, 2011)
- Snark, you did a great job. More story than sex, which is why I'm not increasing the score. Parts one and three were better than two, but it was all good by the end. I really enjoyed the flogging scenes in part three, and I'm not usually big on whippings/spankings.
- Replied by:
Snark
(Edit) (Feb 5, 2011)
- The score is fine. In order to appeal to those who like the background rather than all action I like to "fill out" the story.
the Snark
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