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Ruby and the Machine
Author: movieman1995
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(Added on Jan 16, 2011)
(This month 38766 readers) (Total 61023 readers) |
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Based off of the torture scene from "The Princess Bride." The young teen Ruby finds herself in a torture chamber and is tested on "the Machine." |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 24, 2011 |
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Okay, first of all, please reformat this story in actual paragraph form. What happened is you wrote it in literary form, like what you read in a book. HTML Code, which is what computers use to "make" and internet page, can't handle literary format, especially tabs. Double enters need to be set between paragraphs in order for it to look correct on a page.
*
I realize you were basing the story off the torture scene from "The Princess Bride", but your ability at description tells me that you can do a decent job balancing description, action, and dialog. But none of your readers can really tell what sort of author you are because you didn't really write the story, you just changed a few things.
*
To be Continued? Oh... I hope so. I got seriously hard reading this and would love to see some ORIGINAL torture sessions with more variety involved. Maybe some pincers, or maybe single suction cup tortures done to specific spots, or even creative, but sexually intense restraint BETWEEN torture sessions. That will be the real test.
*So write away...
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (5/10)
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- Replied by:
movieman1995
(Edit) (Feb 5, 2011)
- Thanks for your input! I've just posted a revised version of the story with (hopefully) better formatting and detail! Thanks again!
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Feb 8, 2011)
- I checked the story again and frankly I see no difference in the format. It's still terribly hard to read.
- Replied by:
movieman1995
(Edit) (Feb 12, 2011)
- Sorry! The new version really does have better formatting, I'm just waiting for the damn site to update. (It's been like, more than a week) :P Wait for the next site update, and the story will have been revised.
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| Reviewer:
Panther007
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2011 |
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Could really use some structure, very hard to read. (3/10)
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