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Lucy of Little Hope
Author: Juliet
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(Added on Apr 10, 2011)
(This month 22220 readers) (Total 26092 readers) |
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A tragic story of a beautiful adolescent girl, and the young mother who fails her. My first attempt at dark but literate writing. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (9/10) |
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| Reviewer:
fluttrz
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 20, 2011 |
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Lucy of little hope reminds me of popular writers work i have purchased. it has bold and well written character's that made me fall in love with lucy, feel utter contempt for her mother, & well . . kinda . . wishing that . . well maybe thats my own story. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
doctavian
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 11, 2011 |
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"Lucy of Little Hope" by Juliet is just an excellent first contribution.
In her introduction, Juliet tells us that this is her first attempt at DARK but literate writing." She then goes on to do just a wonderful job of character development, as she creates "our Lucy." Juliet's physical description of Lucy 'blond hair as yellow and shining as a summer cornfield" "So neatly arranged into a pair of ribbon adorned bunches, the beautiful nymph-like girl glows," and "Nature’s most perfect and natural pink fingernails,tip fingers as slender and agile." is just excellent.
And then our author causes the reader to care for, and to even start worrying about (and PULLING FOR) her protagonist with powerful statements such as: "She (Lucy) reaches down into the old tattered plastic carrier that serves as her school bag." Lucy's mother's expression of her inner feelings about Lucy, “I wish you’d never been born. You useless… mistake!”
And Lucy's reaction to her mom's blind date's reaction to learning of her existence:"You’re a single-mom? Try putting that in the Craig’s list ad next time Cunt!”
"Lucy reaches for her only toy....“hope life gets better…. dad”
And the fact that "Teddy’s price tag is still attached after all these years,because she so desperately clings to the hope that Chloe (her stuffed toy) is not just her only friend in the world.
Juliet creates just wonderful, powerful images.
I wish that she had used some of her descriptive gifts to help us get to know the creature named Brian better.
"Lucy of little hope..chapter one" does an excellent job of setting up the ultimate confrontation between the monster Brian and the the beautiful, innocent, nymph we have grown to care for, Lucy. The precious girl, who has come to accept the lie, that she is nothing more than a "worthless mistake, one whose very existence is nothing more than a curse to her own mother."
The result of their confrontation (the one between Brian and Lucy) seems fore-ordained. Brian will turn Lucy into a "permanently broken, worthless, emotionally destroyed sex toy. One whose only immediate worth will be in satiating Brian's sadistic perverted sexual desires. And that our child heroine's destiny is most likely the early death of a crack whore from aids or a heroine overdose.
But here is where "Little Hope" is so different from 95% of our other submitted works. Juliet did such a superb job of creating the beautiful, lovable, innocent Lucy. that the reader desperately wants Lucy to somehow come out of her dilemma as a winner. Even if it is as a slightly damaged one. And something tells us that behind Lucy's innocence, lies an internal strength. In Juliet's story sweet Lucy's soul really did bounce a long way from that of the "crack whore" mother that bore her. And what about "Hope life gets better, Dad." What role will he play in our story. Will he be there for Lucy? Or will he put aside his paternal instincts and join Brian in the total humiliation and destruction of our sweet Lucy? Or will he do both? (questions, questions)
Summery: Juliet did a great job of creating Lucy, her new erotic fictional character. And she did something very special "she gave us a glimpse of Lucy's very soul." And that is very special indeed. " And she did something else: She set up a compelling erotic confrontation between Brian and Brittany for Lucy's precious soul.
Something tells me that Juliet has a surprise waiting for us as she progresses with "Lucy of little hope." It has the potential of becoming a wonderful serial.
And if Juliet applies the descriptive gifts that she used to create Lucy, into the sexual confrontation between the monsters and our beautiful angel, she is going to end up with a great story. As Ovid taught us; A great well written erotic SHORT story can be more precious than an entire library full of junk.
Thank you Juliet for sharing "Lucy" with us. Doctavian
PS: Your creation of Lucy, shows that you are too gifted, in this genera, not to let your gifts take flight. A word of advice from an old professor. If you take the time (that you did when you created Lucy) to create the rest of your story, your first work is going to be something delightful indeed. Stephanie Meyers told us how she created her masterpiece "Twilight" (175 million copies sold) "As I did my housework during the day,I would say the DIALOG over and over again, in my head, until I got it JUST right. Then I would jot it down, and start working on the next line. Ironically "Twilight" and "Lucy" are both stories about the battles between monsters and lovable heroines for their very souls. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
doctavian
(Edit) (Apr 11, 2011)
- An after thought:
Dear Juliet,
"Lucy" is the key. You have captured her perfectly. Why not write a series and let your readers get to know her better and better. We presume that she will "physically" survive getting to know Brian. And we presume that as her mother comes to appreciate how beautiful sweet and loving Lucy is, her hatred of her will become almost unbearable. And we also know, that it won't be long until Brittany starts selling Lucy's precious body to feed her narcissism. I would consider an Iliad and Odyssey like series for Lucy. As she confronts one of lifes "Monsters" after another. And I would let her grow through Nieche's maxim "What ever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And that would allow you to "open up" Lucy. And let your readers learn more and more about the special character you have created.
Once again please forgive me for being so long winded.
But then you were the one who created the enchanting lines “hope life gets better…. dad” And you were the one that left the price tag on Teddy all of those years, because she so desperately clings to the hope that Chloe (her stuffed toy) is not just her only friend in the world.
Most sincerely yours, Doctavian
- Replied by:
Juliet-
(Edit) (Apr 13, 2011)
- Many thanks to doctavian for his reviews. I won't say more just now, because I have a story to write, though I have thought through his every word!
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