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Punishment Day for NANCY!!
Author: Alexis.
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(Added on Mar 31, 2012)
(This month 143667 readers) (Total 171895 readers) |
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A school girl is punished hard for her dis obedience by her father. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
violetgem
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2012 |
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i hope there is more. A good read, had to load up on new batteries (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dr_BuzzCzar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 26, 2012 |
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The author has a good imagination and sense of creativity. The lack of an editor really hurts the story. Spelling, punctuation, grammar, all are poor. I would have loved to give a higher mark, which I believe the story concept deserves, but utter lack of editing, re-reading and re-writing forced a much lower mark. Please keep writing just get an English speaking editor to help fine tune the work. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 9, 2012 |
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What an imagination...
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This story is going to be tough to review, because frankly the grammar and paragraph construction is atrocious. As Major Littmann said, I suspect the author is not writing in their native tongue. That said, clearly the author has an inventive mind and delivered a stunning fuck fest litany of abuses delivered to a little school girl for being, in my mind, totally awesome.
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The plot was exactly what you would expect from a little school girl story. She gets in trouble - failing grades as well as sex with her boyfriend. But the author takes that cliche and really makes it hum with an absolute smorgasborg of sexual punishment and fun. The girl is humiliated, whipped, caned, figged, and scalded. The only thing missing was actual sex. But hey - maybe there will be a sequel, right?
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There were a couple of issues that I would advise the author to keep in mind when editing this story or working on another. First of all, keep your names the same throughout the work. Was the boyfriend's name "Brian" or "Bryan". The author used both. While in this case it didn't really distract, it can get to be a problem if you have more characters. Second, watch your tenses. Past, present, and future tenses are all very important. This story switches back and forth between present and past tense haphazardly and frankly, reads more like a movie script than a story. Third, avoid writing sound effects. If this was a movie, "Ahhhhhhhh" would be great, cause we would hear it from the little school girl's mouth. But reading multiple "Ahhhhhhs" through a written piece is just tough. Instead of telling us she said "AAAHHHH,, please! AHHHH.. No.. AAAAAHHHHH", describe her scream. "She screamed outloud, her head tossed back as the pain brutally overcame her," or something. The author has the ability to really do some justice to the description here.
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Honestly, I was impressed with the ACTION of this story. The sexual tension built well, the action description was sufficient to convey what was happening, and it is clear the author has got the chops for some real story telling. I recommend an English speaking editor or co-author, since that would seriously smooth out a pretty damn good story, and make it incredibly awesome.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 31, 2012 |
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The author clearly does not soeak English or American as a first language nor does he / she fully understand the American idiom in that Mr James Hurston is Mr Hurston not Mr James, but that said it is readabe and quite imaginitive and well worth 8/10 (8/10)
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